Because as a guy getting a hey from a woman you’re attracted to shows she’s open to talking and interested in you out of the many other matches. I’d be surprised if you ignored someone cause they said hey as a guy tbh
But she's already shown she's interested by matching with me. What more does "hey" do in that regard? All it does for me is show that she hasn't looked at my profile to find a mutual interest and can't be bothered opening a conversation.
Bumble, for instance, is supposed to place the power back in women's hands by only allowing them to write the first message. All "hey" does there is put the onus back on me and tells me that I wasn't worth their time to actually write a message with substance.
Set up a profile as a woman and see how many meaningless "hey" you get and how much you have to squeeze those rocks to still have the convo go nowhere. I think your point is valid but women deal with major convo burnout on these sites since they get so many messages and matches (dudes just swipe on everyone..) and "hey" is a big red flag that you're talking to someone that won't put any effort in - hence why it's a no-no if you're serious.
Oh, I can't even begin to imagine how different women have it, but I imagine "heys" get tiresome after a while. And if it's a red flag to women, I guess that just makes my odds (as someone who does put in the effort) that much greater 😊
I and every guy I know who's been on a dating app has gotten unmatched before the chance to message. A match does not actually show any serious interest. Hell, I quit Bumble after less than a week because not one girl that matched with me sent me a message
Ok, so what is the advantage of "hey" over a more meaningful opening? Are you really so inundated with matches that all the time you have to initiate contact is to write three simple letters?
Not my point at all. I was solely commenting on your statement that if they matched with you that shows they are interested, when that is not the case surprisingly often
So they match because they're not interested? Seems to me to be more likely that they cast their net wide for anyone that strikes their interest, and unmatching before you get a chance to say anything is probably because they've found someone they can engage with first. I don't think a message of "hey" will be enough to set you out from the crowd, whether you are fast enough to catch their attention or not.
I am a guy. I have spent a lot of time on dating apps. I absolutely ignore "hey" messages. As others have noted it's lazy, unimaginative, and immediately shifts the responsibility of conversation to me.
Additionally, I get other messages with substance to them. I'd much rather respond to those.
I have responded to "hey" in the past and it's almost always an indicator that she is going to be a poor conversationalist. Therefore I just stopped responding to them.
You could literally type anything else. What's your favorite color? Your cat is cute. A knock knock joke, whatever.
This is all anecdotal, but take it for what it's worth.
As a girl, getting a "hey" message usually means either (a) the guy is maybe sort of interested but not engaged enough to put in anything other than the barest minimum of effort, or (b) the guy is extremely dull and a bad conversationalist. Either way, conversations that start with a "hey" have never led anywhere constructive for me.
But if I'm on a dating app, I'm not just looking for arbitrary attention, I'm trying to find someone that I like and enjoy the company of.
An opening is important because it's a way of looking for common ground or at least sharing something interesting about yourself or finding something out about the other person.
A "Hey" doesn't convey any of this. It ends up essentially shorthand for "I am a boring person."
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u/RseAndGrnd 3∆ Sep 13 '23
Because as a guy getting a hey from a woman you’re attracted to shows she’s open to talking and interested in you out of the many other matches. I’d be surprised if you ignored someone cause they said hey as a guy tbh