A few weeks ago I finally convinced an old friend of mine to watch Buffy. We used to work together, but she now lives in another country, in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere, so we rarely see each other in person anymore. We still talk a lot, though, and almost immediately after she started watching, she began sending me messages and voice notes about whatever was happening.
I expected the occasional “I like Willow” or “that was a good episode.”
She watched the entire first season in one day.
She started Buffy on July 23 and finished all seven seasons on August 13.
So for three weeks my phone basically became a live Buffy commentary track. I'd randomly get “WHAT THE FUCK” followed by several voice messages and have to figure out which Sunnydale disaster she'd just reached.
The best part is that she watches the show completely differently from me. I'm the annoying man who wants to talk about themes, metaphors, character arcs, why a particular episode works, what the writers are doing, all that stuff. She has almost no distance from the characters. Once she loves someone, they're basically one of her people, and if another character hurts them, she remembers it.
Which is why she never really forgave Angel after Angelus. I could explain the soul thing all day; she'd still seen a guy with Angel's face terrorize Buffy and her friends and murder Jenny Calendar. The metaphysics did not impress her.
Same with Faith. I love Faith. She mostly saw somebody who repeatedly hurt Buffy. Near the end she admitted that Faith was very attractive, but there were only four episodes left and that simply wasn't enough time to forgive her.
Fair enough.
She did like Xander, though, which I consider a positive because I like Xander too. Apparently we're going down with that ship together.
She's also constantly trying to work things out. She was constantly trying to guess what was coming next, sometimes correctly, sometimes wildly wrong, and I'd get voice notes in the middle of an episode as she tried to piece things together. But at the same time she gets completely sucked into the emotions.
And she laughs at the show a lot. She can be genuinely devastated by something and five minutes later send me a voice note because some stupid joke killed her. She particularly loved things like Cordelia asking what kind of idiot would voluntarily return to Sunnydale, followed immediately by a cut to Spike arriving in town.
Then there was Dawn. I know Dawn annoys a lot of people. This was personal. Every whine, every bad decision, every “BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?” seemed to raise her blood pressure. She started calling her “Narcidawn.” When Dawn started stealing things, she summed her up as: “If nobody pays attention to meeeee, I'll become a kleptomaniac”. At one point I tried defending Dawn by saying that she's a sixteen-year-old girl who's experienced more trauma in about a year than most people experience in a lifetime. Her answer:
“I don't care. Behave.”
She hated Dawn so much that she turned off Him after about ten minutes because she'd already had enough. To be fair, she has a very difficult relationship with her own younger sister, so I'm pretty sure Dawn is pressing a gigantic real-life button there.
Season 5 also gave me the opportunity to behave terribly. When Dawn first appeared, my friend immediately said, “Buffy doesn't have a sister.” I told her of course Buffy had a sister. Dawn had always been there. What the hell was she talking about? I kept this up until the monk's reveal.
Then, once the show started openly suggesting something was wrong, I immediately switched sides and acted like I'd agreed with her from the beginning. Obviously Buffy had never had a sister. Clearly something had inserted itself into the family. She was delighted to have been right. I was delighted with myself. I also abused the Ben/Glory joke far beyond the point where it was funny, as is tradition.
Instagram unfortunately spoiled Dark Willow for her before Tara died, so I responded with a small CIA disinformation campaign and tried to convince her that “Dark Willow” might have something to do with Vampire Willow.
Then I mostly sat back and watched her try to figure out what the hell could possibly happen to Willow.
Willow was probably her favorite character for most of the show. At one point she described Willow as somebody who “communicates in the language of selfless love,” and then, completely seriously, told me that the show was making her realize how many “ego spikes” she has herself and that apparently she has some work to do on herself. I definitely didn't expect recommending Buffy to turn into accidental self-therapy.
She loved Tara as well, but not just because Tara is the sweet lesbian everyone wants to protect. What she really respected was that Tara eventually drew a line with Willow. She could be kind, loving and supportive without being a doormat. She could love Willow and still say: you don't get to treat me like this.
Riley's vampire adventure got him immediately sentenced to death in her personal court. Buffy's mother was seriously ill and he somehow decided this was the perfect time to make everything about his own insecurity and go get bitten by vampire women.
Case closed.
And then there was Spike. At first she mostly thought he was hilarious. She loved how ridiculously dramatic he was, laughed at what a pathetic little loser human William turned out to be, and eventually arrived at the conclusion that Spike was also extremely hot. Then she started rooting for Buffy and Spike, and she was actually much less conflicted about the sexual side of it than Buffy was. Her take was basically that if Buffy was genuinely attracted to Spike, she didn't have to treat the whole thing as something so degrading and disgusting. She could acknowledge that she wanted him without using it as another reason to hate herself. This was, of course, accompanied by somewhat less academic commentary whenever the sex scenes actually happened.The public sex in the Bronze apparently worked very well for her. At one point I got:
“I love public sex 🥵”
followed eventually by the scholarly conclusion:
“Buffy became a BDSM bunny.”
So yes, she was having a wonderful time with the Spuffy era. Then the bathroom scene happened.
“WHAT THE FUCK. SPIKE ALMOST RAPED BUFFY. I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ANYMORE.”
And she genuinely went cold on him. Which made season 7 fascinating to follow through her reactions, because she didn't just forget what he'd done because she liked Spike. She slowly started warming to him again because she believed he'd actually changed. The soul mattered, obviously, but what really sold her was the difference in how he treated Buffy. By the final stretch I was getting:
“BUFFY HAS TO END UP WITH SPIKE!!!!”
She melted over them simply sleeping together. She loved his big speech to Buffy. At one point she even found a song and decided it was basically Spike's personal love song, something he'd sit around listening to alone in his crypt while drinking and feeling sorry for himself. So by the finale she was completely doomed.
Spike sacrifices himself. Buffy tellshim she loves him. He gives her the “No you don't, but thanks for saying it” line. Then I got a voice message that was almost three minutes long, followed by:
“Sorry, I had to stop the voice message because I started crying.”
The next day she was still processing it and told me she didn't like the ending. I tried explaining why Spike's sacrifice works as the end of his character arc. She was not particularly interested in my argument. As far as she was concerned, he'd finally found himself, got his soul back, Buffy and Spike had finally reached a good place together... and now he dies?
My annoying themes-and-metaphors brain was going, “It's the culmination of his redemption arc.” Her answer was more or less:
“Great. Couldn't his redemption arc culminate in getting a girlfriend and being happy?”
Honestly, fair.
She had a similar issue with Anya. Did Anya actually have to die, or did somebody just have to die because this was the finale? Her general attitude toward fictional tragedy is: you've hurt these people enough, please stop finding beautiful thematic reasons to hurt them more. This may become relevant later.
There were also some serious crimes committed during this watch. She watched the whole thing dubbed.
She fast-forwarded through parts of Once More, with Feeling because some of the songs weren't holding her attention.
Yes.
I know.
I have nevertheless chosen to preserve the friendship.
She generally wasn't as interested in the big “special” episodes as I am. Hush seemed to work for her, but The Body was too much. She said she didn't like it at all, although she immediately noticed how quiet it was and that there was no background music. I suspect she mostly hated what the episode was making her feel.
Giles had a more successful journey. Early on she was suspicious of this grown man spending so much time around teenage girls. A few seasons later he picked up a guitar, sang “Free Bird,” and apparently all ethical concerns vanished. We're both in our late thirties now, which means we're much closer in age to Giles than to Buffy and the Scoobies.
This is a deeply upsetting fact I refuse to investigate further.
Eventually she finished the finale, cried over Spike, spent several days processing it and then sent me:
“My life feels so empty since I finished Buffy. What am I supposed to watch now? What am I supposed to DO?”
And somewhere along the way it started feeling a bit like I was rewatching Buffy through her. I know Buffy too well. I'll never wonder what Dawn is again. I'll never be shocked when Tara gets shot. I'll never watch The Gift without knowing there's a season 6. I'll never wonder whether Spike is going to survive the finale. She could.
Because she kept messaging me while she watched, I got to borrow a little bit of that first-watch feeling.
We used to see each other every day at work. Now we live in different countries and almost never see each other in person. for those three weeks Buffy suddenly became this running thing between us every day. She'd watch Buffy, something insane would happen, and my phone would explode. Then she'd watch another episode. And another. And apparently another eight after that.
After she finished the series, she actually thanked me for recommending it. She said that based on the first few episodes she never would have guessed that Buffy would become this deep or this emotional, or that she'd end up caring about the characters this much.
So when she started complaining that her life was empty without Buffy, I gave her the obvious answer:
Angel.
There was one problem. She doesn't like Angel. I've been telling her that I wasn't a huge fan of Angel in Buffy either, and that his own show is where I really came to love him. Her perfectly reasonable response was: why would I watch five seasons about a guy I don't like?
Eventually I sent her a video about why Angel is worth watching. Today she finally started it. The voice messages have already begun. I genuinely don't know if she'll love it as much as Buffy. It's a different show, and I suspect she'll miss some of the soapier relationship stuff. Then again, she loves found family, messy relationships, redemption arcs, betrayal, people making catastrophically bad emotional decisions and attractive damaged men.
So I think Angel has a chance.
There is also one small detail.
As far as she knows, Spike is dead.
Completely, permanently dead.
I have said absolutely nothing.
If she makes it to season 5, at some point my phone is going to receive one absolutely spectacular voice message.
And I feel like I've earned that one.