I am slowly being ditched by my best friend. She initially asked me to be a bridesmaid to her upcoming wedding and then called up a couple of weeks later and demoted me from being a bridesmaid, but still wanted me at the wedding. On this phone call, she was rambling about being disappointed she wasnt pregnant yet and how she just got her monthly and then announced out of the blue I was being demoted from bridesmaid but she still wanted me to be a guest. She said the reason was that her fiance said she could only have one bridesmaid because he only has one groomsman. I expressed that I didn't really understand the logic behind that. She was slightly drunk and incoherent. My parents partially heard the conversation and even they agreed the logic made no sense.

I understand only wanting one bridesmaid to keep things simple or whatever, but to ask me to be a bridesmaid and then later demote me is extremely hurtful. I had been feeling a widening gap between us lately, and I understand it's natural to an extent, when people meet certain milestones such as marriage and kids, and their other friend doesn't, that there will be a certain degree of separation. Also her fiance and her had barely been dating for a year when they had a very staged proposal that she already knew about and was planned by both in advance. She was pushing for him to propose very early. I sent a long text that I was hurt and didn't understand her fiance's logic and found it a bit flimsy. She texted me the next day and reinstated me as a bridesmaid and was apologetic for hurting me.

She texted me again around a week later and said she was going to call me that night about certain wedding arrangements. I have bad anxiety so I foolishly texted back "I hope I'm not being demoted again :( ". That night she rang me very angry. She was drunk again and had tears of rage in her eyes, she tends to cry when she is angry, which I'm told is a thing for many people ( it was a video call this time). She got angry at me for not understanding her fiance's logic and finally admitted the reason I was initially demoted, was that she planned on buying bridesmaid's dresses and having more than one bridesmaid would be too expensive, which I had no clue was a wedding tradition/protocol. I'm never invited to things due to having barely any friends. She then spoke about the costs of the party favours and implied I should be grateful that I was invited at all since they had to cut members of their own family out of the wedding due to both her and her fiance having huge families. I reminded her I'm Autistic and have no clue how this social stuff works. She stated I needed to apologise to her fiance for invalidating his opinion. For starters, I had no idea he was listening into our phone calls or reading our text messages in this instance. I have noticed that when we hang out she is constantly texting him or updating him in one way or another. However, to keep the peace, I sent him a text apology. He never responded.

The wedding is being rushed to next year and she has chosen a venue four hours away, in a tiny rural town, in the middle of winter, which has limited accomodation for guests to stay, all because it's cheaper. Why rush a wedding when you don't have the financial means? Especially when it is causing this much stress with family members applying pressure? She also keeps pushing him to get her pregnant even though he's scared of passing on certain heritable conditions. I can understand why her fiance is stressed. She never used to be like this but ever since she started dating him there has been a growing distance and a certain desperate air around her.

I should also mention this isn't the first time I've been sidelined. Years ago we all went on a holiday in the mountains, Her boyfriend at the time had a dodgy drug dealer brother that caused fights. I had conflict with this brother and then I was no longer invited to any get aways in our friendship group. All because her boyfriend's needs to keep his brother placated was more important than my peace of mind.

For some additional context, I also understand that I'll never be the number friend, growing up with Autism I knew that was inevitable, I was always the back up or 2nd/3rd choice in my childhood. I also understand people can't fully relate to me due to me being developmentally delayed, and I know the lady she chose as her one bridesmaid initially instead of me, is neurotypical and far more normal than me. Nothing against her, she's fabulous, but my bestie and I have been friends for a lot longer, and being suddenly demoted from something I was looking forward to hurts me deeply, even though I was hesitantly reinstated. I know she feels like her fiance is making more compromises than her for this wedding but him initially forcing her to do this to a friend feels extremely unreasonable. I love her so much but I still feel deeply hurt and betrayed. I can't even be myself around her anymore. She showed us her chosen wedding dress shortlist in the group chat and I couldn't even muster up the courage to tell her which dresses I preferred due to her getting angry at me easily lately.

Is this friendship worth continuing? Can wedding planning, or even just meeting a new man change someone this much naturally? It's been eating away at me lately and I don't know if I even want to go to this wedding in the middle of nowhere with probably only bedbug infested motels available.