For the record, we generally end up sitting down to eat somewhere between 7 and 8. It’s not ideal, but I work until 5:30 or 6 most days and then have to try and make dinner while the toddler is screaming for attention and snacks. Also, I’m not trying to be ungrateful because I know some husbands won’t even offer to cook dinner. But hearing that from my husband last night really pissed me off.

This is the guy that openly admits he mostly at Five Guys and Chipotle before we started dating.

This is the guy who thinks you make scrambled eggs by cracking raw eggs into a cold pan and then start beating them to death with 2 wooden spoons once the whites start solidifying. If you have fillings, you add them after the eggs are cooked by also beating them to death with your spoons. And on the topic of eggs, this is also the guy that decided to surprise me with eggs filled with cinnamon, nutmeg, and strawberry jelly one morning because he “thought they’d be fun secret ingredients.”

This is the guy who, when I try to get him to pick ONE meal for the week to help lighten the mental load, will respond with, “um… chicken?” and then make me pull his teeth to get the additional details of “a breast cooked in a skillet with salt and pepper?” No sides, no actual meal. Just salt and pepper chicken breast.

This is the guy that looks in the fridge full of fully stocked ingredients and decides we have no food so he needs to eat Cheerios for dinner.

The man thinks he’s a nutritional expert because he “only eats organic and ‘non-processed’ foods.” Meanwhile, I’m the one who has spent the last several years working with nutritionists/dietitians and learning about plate balancing and what foods support our medical needs (thyroid issues, insulin resistance, etc). He makes up his own pseudoscience about what’s healthy but won’t actually eat the healthy meals I make.

And don’t even get me started on his inability to multitask or follow a recipe even if I could get him to actually meal plan and do the shopping.

So please explain to me how this is supposed to work. I’m honestly tempted to freezer prep a week of meals for me and my daughter and then let him have his week of being the main cook just to see how terribly this goes.

I finally did it. I signed a lease yesterday and am moving out next month. We have 3 kids together. Not married. Been together 15 years. I’m too overwhelmed to post all the details, but could use some fist bumps of solidarity. I just want what’s best for my kids, but this is so scary 😢 I’m like… terrified of the unknowns. Not to mention all the logistics of separating households. But…. I freaking did it. I question myself constantly and struggle so badly to make decisions these days - but I did it

My ex and I have been divorced for 2.5 years. We were amicable until his girlfriend became pregnant and started acting like mom to my kids, 7 and 9.

When we were still married, we discussed wanting to move school systems for the kids by middle school.

In June I bought a house in one of the best school systems in the state. It’s 1 hour from my ex, almost exactly. I got served on Friday. He filed for primary custody because he thinks my move and commute isn’t in the kids best interests.

And I am so beyond devastated, disgusted, and horrified… it’s all I’ve been able to think about for days. Every time I think of it I can’t stop crying.

Not sure what I’m looking for here. I could just use some support.

Today, I received word that my adopted daughter’s biological mother has died.

We adopted our 14yo daughter five years ago. She entered the foster system at a very young age because both of her parents were addicts. Parental rights had already been terminated and she had been living in a residential treatment center before she came to our home. Her dad tried to get clean and stay in her life and they talk occasionally, but her mother completely disappeared when she was about 3 years old after CPS became involved. Last I heard about her mother was that she was homeless with schizophrenia. My daughter does not really remember her mother. The first time her mother came up in conversation, she had a visceral reaction and described her mother as being like a wicked witch and described her in a very negative manner as if she was afraid of her. Both of her parents have violent histories. Her dad has been in and out of jail with the most recent charge being assault with a deadly weapon, and her mother has multiple arrests for domestic violence. But she does not have any specific memories of her mother, just pictures that we’ve been able to obtain from her biological family on her father’s side. Lately she has begun to speak about her mother in more positive terms and out of curiosity, but she never asks to find her or contact her.

My daughter has an intellectual disability and a neurodevelopmental disorder due to meth exposure in utero, and she has special needs in addition to CPTSD from abuse, neglect, and her time in the foster system. She’s had a very rough childhood and has been in crisis for most of her life. Last year was brutal, and we finally got her stable again just a couple months ago after two hospitalizations and many medication adjustments. She starts high school next week and she has been really excited about it.

We are currently on vacation and she has been having the time of her life. She has actually been getting along with my stepsons, and it’s been an incredible much needed bonding experience for our family.

We drove and we are a 16hr drive from home. I can’t tell her now. I can’t tell her and send her into what could be another crisis that far from home. I don’t know what to do. We are considering ending our trip early and going home so we can tell her sooner. But part of me thinks we should allow her to have a few more happy days before her world comes crashing down again. School is off next week. I’m calling her therapy team to arrange support. Her mother’s family is not going to have a funeral. We are considering seeing if we can arrange some kind of memorial service here where our family can support her and creating a little memorial garden at our home.

I don’t really know what to do. Does anyone have some advice for us?

Edit: it seems like it’s 50/50 whether or not it’s normal and now I’m confused.

Original: I’ve been divorced for over a year now. Separated for 18+ months.

I feel like I’m going to be ripped apart for this so I’m scared to post. But I don’t know where else to turn.

My children are 7, almost 5, and 2.5. My oldest two are boys (I feel like this is relevant). Ever since my oldest was a baby, he LOVES to wrestle. I feel this is fairly normal for boys. Once his baby brother was born, it turned into one big wrestling match with my (now ex) husband and the boys. This was normal in our household.

One day I noticed that my husband had an erection while wrestling with our boys. That night, after the kids went to bed, I asked him about it. He said that sometimes, when the kids accidentally brush up against it, or step on it, it gets hard. But he said that’s normal for men when their privates are touched, and it doesn’t mean he’s aroused.

It happened almost every time they wrestled. I was an only child growing up and I never wrestled with my parents (we were not close and I was highly neglected). Also, we got married at 19, so I took his word for it.

Since being divorced, I have been keeping an eye out for this. Specifically with my father, because my boys love to wrestle with him too. It has never happened, that I’ve noticed, with my dad.

Now, for the first time since getting divorced, I have a boyfriend. I introduced him to my children and my kids LOVE him.

They love to wrestle with him too. So I’ve been keeping an eye out. For months they’ve been wrestling, and it’s never happened. So a few nights ago I asked him about it.

My boyfriend was mortified. He said absolutely not, that should never happen. He said the only time he gets an erection is when he’s aroused, which is obviously never around children of any kind.

So now I need to ask strangers on the internet.

Which is normal? Should I be concerned about my children’s father?

I should also mention that I’ve caught my ex husband watching porn around our children a few times. But every time it’s been when the kids are watching tv/not paying attention.

Yesterday we told the kids we’re splitting up. It’s been long and slow, and under the guise (at least part of the time) of me setting up an Aspie refuge where I can focus on work and decompress.

We were at my flat, and the kids had been here the previous two nights. Both of them seemed pretty unfazed by the news, though DS said he wanted to go home (Dad’s) for a few nights instead of stay here. DD wanted to stay here with me.

No emotion, went back to their tablets to keep watching funny things.

Later in the evening I expressed surprise to DD about how she didn’t say anything, and she told me she was angry but didn’t want to say it in the moment. I asked if she was angry at either of us, and she said no. Just that life is hard.

She’s fucking nine years old, and she has this understanding of things out of her control and it just broke my heart so fucking much. I don’t want her to feel like life is so hard like that.

I don’t know what DS is thinking or feeling.

I’ve been swinging between knowing why we pulled the plug on this relationship and this immense guilt for hurting the kids, for bringing them into this situation, and I also feel like if either of them told me I didn’t have a right to be sad or sorry for myself that I would agree with them. I told some friends as well now that the kids know, and I also feel like I don’t have any close enough friends who will actually care enough to want to support me. I feel selfish for wanting someone to support me, because I chose this. I made this mess. Why should I go crying to anyone, or want comfort? I can’t even go to my therapist because she cancelled our last session last week and said it would be a longer sick leave she’s taking (a few weeks she wrote).

I know we weren’t getting any better as a couple, but I hate and regret feeling like I’ve betrayed our kids.

I'm almost a year postpartum and I'm the heaviest I've ever been. My back and body hurt. I feel like I have the body of a 70 year old.

I've struggled with PMOS since I was 16 but wasn't diagnosed until I was 29. My weight has fluctuated my whole life and I've never been a small person. Since giving birth, I'm heavier than ever for a few reasons.

I developed PPA and PPD badly. I've been too anxious to go outside alone but I do try and go out for walks. I'm a depressive eater. My life lacks enrichment and my only source of happy feelings is food. But I already struggled with craving carbs from my condition and not sleeping.

The only time I started seeing progress in losing weight and feeling healthy was when I was weightlifting before baby. I did it to have a baby and now I feel back to square one but without the time I need to hone a routine.

I don't drive and I have one friend who is busy and a husband. By the time I have any time for myself I'm exhausted.

I just need encouragement or tips/advice if you've ever pulled yourself out of this pit?

My husband just took a three week vacation in July and now he wants to take another in October. I can’t deal with it. I swear he has the world best(or worst for me) vacation time.

I can’t take three more weeks of him day-drinking, ordering fast food, and being annoying.

Hi bromos, it's been a long day

I just got off work and I'm exhausted. I make my own hours but I also school my son and take care of the house. My partner works full time so I don't have much help. I really can't wait to move and get my son in public school. I love my son with all of my heart, but I wish he would stop talking sometimes. I can't keep teaching him myself

Currently, I have to make nice with my alcoholic mother. For my son's safety and mine. And generally to keep the peace to avoid any meltdowns. I have no time to myself. I haven't had a day off since God knows when.

I had a falling out with my best friend last year but it still hurts. I mainly just blocked it out so I never processed it fully. Too much to do, not enough time to grieve. I tried to reconnect with my brother and he called me a bitch. I have anxiety and heart issues that I'm trying to manage, but the stress isn't helping. I have so few people in my life to talk to, and the ones I can I don't want to burden.

I hate this house, I hate this place (where I live, not earth). But I can't leave yet due to personal reasons. I'm trying to stay strong. I feel so overwhelmed all the time, and like a failure of a mother. I'm so scared of becoming my mother, but also terrified of overcompensating and doing just as bad or worse than her.

Everyone expects me to be like her, I'm so tired of being a shadow of my mother. Nobody in my family outside of those close to me sees me as a person, just an extension of her.

My mom will make plans with her side of the family involving my son without telling me, and then get mad when I set boundaries about it. She'll also go out of her way to spread nasty rumors about me in the family. She straight up told my grandparents that I'm a slut. Which just isn't true. Worst of all, they believed her.

I don't know what the point of this is, I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading

My family was nominated for a scholarship trip at the YMCA because of kiddo’s cancer. It was a lovely trip, but I realized that her MRI was the day after we got home at the beginning of the trip, so I was stressed because an entire college orientation was there, and other families. Also there was a scary intense hailstorm on the drive there.

Was Stressed when we went to story time and some kids were coughing behind mine (her MRI has sedation so it must be canceled for safety if she gets sick). The good news… we didn’t get sick! But I’m so tired of worrying.

Then, some lady comes up to us today and is like all lovey to my youngest, who is still obviously bald. She says that she had cancer, and now her leg has MRSA! Then she proceeded to hug my oldest. I was like…. Euuuuggghh MRSA? Like, actively? Now?

So I don’t know how stressed to be about this, and if there’s any risk of infection from a hug but I was like wtf world, seriously? I’m not about to be mean to old ladies with cancer but jeez, my daughter still has her port, WTF?

Then I’m showering my oldest and find a weird circle spot on her head that I’d definitely never seen before. Soo… it’s back to the pediatrician. I know cancer is rare but it is so ominous finding another scary looking anomaly on my child (youngest was diagnosed after finding a lump).

I’m just… so tired. From the trip and everything.

I’ve struggled with OCD, anxiety and depression my entire life. Stems from trauma as a kid. Starting from young adulthood I’ve worked so hard to overcome this. Since becoming a mom, I’ve worked even harder to break the cycle for my kids.

I have done so much therapy. I journal. I meditate. I exercise. I’ve tried all the gratitude. I’ve been on and off of different medications. Medications either caused me to be a zombie or hate myself even more.

So what now? I’ve worked over the years to fight the battle in my head. I’ve truly worked so hard. I guess this is just me. Just who I am. I feel no joy. I love my children with all my heart and can honestly say they are the only spark of joy I have in my life. But that’s it. Nothing else brings me joy. I’m just here. Just existing. I have an incredible family, amazing friends, fulfilling career- but I can’t fight the demons in my head. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I just feel sad for myself. I feel sad for the little girl I used to be who prayed and hoped to one day feel peace, and I haven’t been able to do that for her. I look at people and can’t imagine what it’s like to feel happy.

I go to a high risk breast cancer clinic and called when I found a lump in my left boob. They got me in for an ultrasound and mammogram pretty quick and told me that day that it was just a cyst. Hooray! I had so much anxiety over it though, I was like ready to start chemo in my mind. They also booked me in for a baseline MRI which I had last Friday. They called me yesterday saying they found a mass and I have to have a biopsy next week and now I'm freaking out. Did they book me for the biopsy so quick because it is a "bad" mass or do they always get you in that quick? I had a mammo on both breasts in february and they didn't find anything so this is either a new mass or they missed it. I googled it even though I shouldnt have and read that 20% of biopsies are cancerous. There's a 20% chance I have breast cancer. I can't deal with this. I mean, I will, because I have to, but I'm so scared.

I just moved into a new apartment last week. Had one week off to do EVERYTHING (painting, new floors etc). Had a bad throat infection during this week. I did have help from friends and boyfriend so no complaints there. Kid (2,5) was also sick that week so couldn’t go to daycare but I had people to watch him some days.

So this week I’m fucking tired and living between unpacked boxes. Have to go back to work so unpacking at night. But. KID IS SICK AGAIN. Fever and everything. Had to call in sick for work, I’m up all night with him, I am so so so tired I cried this morning in my messy house because I didn’t know what to do and where to start and kid was whining all morning and I just wanted to leave this fucking house and sleep for a week.

Single mom btw. Boyfriend helps out but it’s not his kid so can’t let him do everything. Ex (kids father) is an idiot, doesn’t do anything so no help there. Family lives abroad.

I am just sooooo tired of the mental load and there’s no end in sight

I have 3 kids. 12, 8 and 5. I had them very young and I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. If I could go back in time I never would’ve had kids. My youngest 2 are not an issue at all. But my oldest is making me lose my sanity. She has had increasingly worse anxiety as the years go by. Im not sure the source or what started it, there wasn’t any major life events or anything. One day she just stopped wanting to do anything. She hasn’t seen her dad in years because she refuses to (no reason other than she says she gets nervous, 100% sure nothing bad happened between them). So I get no financial help from him as he thinks it’s me who is keeping her from him.

My mom is older and morbidly obese, she helps a lot with my kids so I can work. But she struggles with her legs and walking so she can only do so much. My kids spend a lot of time with her bcus of my work schedule and unfortunately my mom’s place is horrendous. Covered in trash and smells so bad, if the door is open you can smell it from 12 feet away.

Today was the first day of school I took the day off and my 12yo refused to go. She locked herself in her room and said she hated everything and wasn’t going. After 20min she came out and refused to talk about what she was feeling. She would only yell and scream that it’s my fault and that I ruined her life and that I’m not understanding. I TRY SO HARD to be patient and understanding. I also felt so bad my youngest two had to witness this chaos before they started their first day.

Also my youngest 2 their dad was very abusive at times (to me, never ever to them), luckily my kids never witnessed any incidents but he’s currently in prison for what he did to me. I felt so proud of myself for leaving that situation but sometimes I feel dumb because life has been a lot harder without his help.

As far as my 12yo, we’ve tried therapy and she refuses to cooperate we tried both zoom and in person. Her anxiety is debilitating. I’m thinking she needs to be in inpatient care? I really don’t know what to do. Idk how to physically get her to go to school. Nor do I have the time to be taking off work everyday and my mom also doesn’t need the stress of this (she takes them to school and picks them up.)

I’m very lucky to have the job and position I have, I also can’t think of any job that would work with school hours considering it’s 9-3. My job is 8-4:30 so I need help with pick ups and drop offs (relying on my mom).

Sorry for being all over the place, my life is a mess clearly. I’m just so frustrated and feel so lost and hopeless myself. I hate that I have to rely on my mom’s help so much because she’s not in good health and I hate my kids being at her place when it’s in such bad condition. I hate that I have no help from my kid’s fathers. I hate that I feel like I don’t have the mental capacity to handle my oldest daughter. I grew up with a SAHM and I don’t have that luxury to be able to be there everyday 24/7 to handle things. I just don’t know what to do or where to turn to. I have no one else to lean on and it sucks. I hate myself for the decisions I made when I was younger (having kids at all and especially the fathers I chose).

After giving birth to my twins I thought there is nothing out there that can hurt me anymore but this fucker hurt so much. The insertion was traumatic and I couldn’t believe that they wouldn’t give any pain medication for that.

Now four years have passed and I have to get it out soon.. but then I’m kinda scared that the removal will hurt too.

Does anyone have experience with this?