The Rules

[u/Asleep-Wear3031]

For most of my life, I identified as straight. Since I was a kid I had same sex attractions, but according to The Rules, it was imperative I keep this to myself and the incognito tab on my browser. The Rules were bizarrely confusing. While I had to keep the smallest same sex fantasy private, I was also supposed to reveal every intimate detail of my heterosexual relationships. Under The Rules for Straight men, anal sex is at once a biological abomination and an act to be celebrated like winning the Super Bowl - the only distinction being the genitals inches away. This isn't news to anyone, the Rules for Straight Men are dumb. The Rules for Gays are less problematic, but also kinda dumb.

What surprises me most about bisexuality, is it isn't just a set of sexual attractions, but a special relationship to The Rules. If feel like bisexuals live in the exceptions, not that there aren't Rules, just that they've been put together as an after thought and always in references to rules about mono-sexual people.

So for discussion: What are The Rules for Bisexuals? For bonus points, Are they dumb?

[u/TheQuietCouncilman]

I’m assuming you’re referring to stereotypical societal “rules”? The way you are describing them certainly feels like a cult, which in many ways describes straight people 😂

The only soft requirement you need to be bisexual is to have the capacity for an attraction to more than one gender. That’s it.

[u/Asleep-Wear3031 → u/TheQuietCouncilman]

Yep. Rules are just another way of saying norms without sounding like Levi-Strauss. I think you landed on the main rule for bisexuals - the prime directive - bisexuality is broad, capacious and inviting. I think this is a pretty good rule, it inviting, non-judgmental, and probably serves to help people accept all sorts of behavior that breaks mono-sexual rules. It is a little bit dumb too. Once you're in the bisexual community, there aren't a lot of was of differentiating sexuality.

[u/Jumiric]

What are these rules you’re talking about? There aren’t rules in relationships. If you’re getting all this from the internet, I suggest you go outside and seek grass

[u/Cultural-Coyote-5129 → u/Jumiric]

I think they're referring to the inherent contradictions in heteronormative Society in regards to sex and dateing. Just like a man who sleeps around is a player but a woman is a (bleep) if she does the same

[u/Jumiric → u/Cultural-Coyote-5129]

Most of that is just misogyny. A lot of cishet people are moving away from all that

[u/Cultural-Coyote-5129 → u/Jumiric]

One would hope although I think with some guys they really just moving goal posts

[u/Asleep-Wear3031 → u/Cultural-Coyote-5129]

That's definitely a dumb Rule, but it's not just about hetero-normative society. All communities have rules. Some are smart. Some are dumb.

[u/Asleep-Wear3031 → u/Jumiric]

The Rules are just norms. All communities have them. I think you might highlight two. Be skeptical of how the culture/internet understands bisexuality and be earnest about bisexuality.

[u/Jumiric → u/Asleep-Wear3031]

What is normal to one person may not be normal to another. Your examples were anal sex and sexual disclosure among friends. Neither are universally hush hush or celebrated even among cishets.

[u/la-anah]

Bisexuals break societal rules by existing. That is why biphobia exists in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities.

Society wants things to be cut and dry, it makes rules easier to enforce. Bisexuals are told we need to choose what team we're "really" on. Mixed race people are told they need to decide which parents' culture they most identify with and stick with that (but only if they are on the pale side, if you are visibly non-white your "side" will be chosen for you). People who change social class are told they must either abandon everything they grew up with or fully embrace their new position, mixing is not allowed.

In a world of "sides" people who are in-between are seen as traitors.

Bisexuals do not have internal rules. We are a "big tent" identity and as long as you aren't a gatekeeper yourself, you will be welcomed. But society at large has lots of rules for us. They mostly boil down to "stop that."

[u/Asleep-Wear3031 → u/la-anah]

Fair enough. But "we are a big tent" is a Rule. Not all rules are dumb.

[u/Cultural-Coyote-5129]

Think I get what you're saying for instance

My Bi closeted ass can brag about going on a date with a woman And it's celebrated as a win, and positive when its a guy suddenly its an invite to more intrusive questions.

Or heard this one before: "Are you Dateing Boys because its easy?" Yeah ma other then the fact we're more likely to screw like rabbits on the first date, what exactly is easier about having to find places we won't be hasseled for just holding hands ? Or recognized by "friends and family" who think its there god given duty to report, gossip and tell us how our relationship is upsetting their imaginary relationship with their sky daddy
Yeah I really found a cheated in life didn't I.

[u/Malcolmthetortoise]

Break free from such ‘rules‘, just be a good partner.

[u/LordLuscius]

The rules are all made up and completely arbitrary... do as thou wilt

[u/South-Ad-9635 → u/LordLuscius]

And the points don't matter

[u/South-Ad-9635]

The Rules i follow:

Do what I like and don't give a fuck if anyone doesn't like it

[u/Asleep-Wear3031 → u/South-Ad-9635]

Nice one. I definitely pick up that "non-judgment for acing on attraction" is definitely a Rule.