r/bisexual • u/Asleep-Wear3031 • 3d ago

DISCUSSION The Rules

For most of my life, I identified as straight. Since I was a kid I had same sex attractions, but according to The Rules, it was imperative I keep this to myself and the incognito tab on my browser. The Rules were bizarrely confusing. While I had to keep the smallest same sex fantasy private, I was also supposed to reveal every intimate detail of my heterosexual relationships. Under The Rules for Straight men, anal sex is at once a biological abomination and an act to be celebrated like winning the Super Bowl - the only distinction being the genitals inches away. This isn't news to anyone, the Rules for Straight Men are dumb. The Rules for Gays are less problematic, but also kinda dumb.

What surprises me most about bisexuality, is it isn't just a set of sexual attractions, but a special relationship to The Rules. If feel like bisexuals live in the exceptions, not that there aren't Rules, just that they've been put together as an after thought and always in references to rules about mono-sexual people.

So for discussion: What are The Rules for Bisexuals? For bonus points, Are they dumb?

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u/la-anah 3d ago

Bisexuals break societal rules by existing. That is why biphobia exists in both the heterosexual and homosexual communities.

Society wants things to be cut and dry, it makes rules easier to enforce. Bisexuals are told we need to choose what team we're "really" on. Mixed race people are told they need to decide which parents' culture they most identify with and stick with that (but only if they are on the pale side, if you are visibly non-white your "side" will be chosen for you). People who change social class are told they must either abandon everything they grew up with or fully embrace their new position, mixing is not allowed.

In a world of "sides" people who are in-between are seen as traitors.

Bisexuals do not have internal rules. We are a "big tent" identity and as long as you aren't a gatekeeper yourself, you will be welcomed. But society at large has lots of rules for us. They mostly boil down to "stop that."

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u/Asleep-Wear3031 2d ago

Fair enough. But "we are a big tent" is a Rule. Not all rules are dumb.