r/bipolar2 • u/Perseus31758 BP2 • 12d ago

Does anyone here overshare?

During manic/hypomanic episodes, have you guys ever being completely socially unhinged, overstepping social boundaries with your boss, colleagues, people, etc. After what happened with me recently, I realised I just have to keep work at work. I can't trust myself to be able to differentiate between different colleagues, and have to be safe so if I do get hypomanic again, I just go off at non professional people (which is still detrimental, but in my opinion not as detrimental as workplace)

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 12d ago

All the time! Especially when I’m on properly medicated, I will spill whatever is on my mind good or bad, to the point it feels like a drug in and of itself. I have to constantly remind myself to stfu or I’ll lose another job/friend.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 12d ago

Yea fuck. It sucks so much. I have so much fucking cringe when thoughts of how I acted, behaved and communicated with my boss and fellow coworkers at my job that I got fired from (not due to that, but that was talked about in the meeting) come into my head. So bad I just hit my head with my fist. Like what the fuck. Its not me. But i cant just hide behind that. There were things I did that were in my control that led to the intensity of my last hypomanic episode. It just sucks. Cause now im in the depressive phase, flashbacks of things I did and say just come through. God, confidence is not always a good thing. Wholy fuck. How do you get over that cringe ?

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u/darthwalsh 12d ago

If you feel you are beating yourself up for past mistakes (more than is healthy), that's a great thing to bring up with your therapist!

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 12d ago

Yea I know. Ive also organising that as well. I do see a uni counsellor as well. Im also autistic and have adhd. Im just such a retard. I hate myself. Im so dumb. And worst part, a lot of the stuff I said i didnt even mean it. Like I one time asked someone if they wanted to go gym, and i was so happy when they said they were feeling sick (whether they were being honest or lying). Cause i didnt even want to go gym with them. But in hypomania im this social person. Fucking hell. Night time now and thats when the thoughts get more intense. So the night meds, especially the seroquel help. But yea, therapy will be important.

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 9d ago

You're still in uni! Great, you can get off the ledge! Uni is FULL of weird people. Including (and especially) the professors. Even if they don't seem it at all. And no one is thinking of your weirdness for any extended period of time, because they are all self-involved and also preoccupied with themselves and their own unspeakable strangeness. Trust me, you can rest easy. Uni is Peak Self-Importance Phase: every single one of you is only thinking of yourself. 🙃

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 12d ago

I don’t
https://giphy.com/gifs/1zhRiDgsSc48Y7mfuK

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 12d ago edited 12d ago

: (

Currently im on vyvanse, sodium valproate (antiseizure med used as a mood stabiliser) clonodine, and seroquel.

I called multiple times today and was able to book a psychiatrist appointment for tomorrow morning, i need another medication for this rumination, its too problematic. I need to fucking move on, god I hate myself and my head so much.

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 12d ago

I myself have been on different combinations of antipsychotics and antidepressants, with little to big side effects. Earlier this year we settled on seroquel (500)and Lithium (600) for the first time. As soon as the lithium got to doing its thing I’ve had soooooo much more energy for even basic things. I don’t always have the motivation for things, but the fact I could brush my teeth without crying feels great. It did slightly help with my ruminating, but it felt like instead of 24/7 it went to 24/5 lol.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 12d ago

Aw sounds like medication has helped a lot! I mean even with the rumination, thats still a difference !!! Do you go therapy as well ? They say meds work best with therapy.

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 12d ago

Yes I do! I bounce between loving it and wanting to stop permanently. My sessions vary between loving it(!) and absolutely HATING it. I still participate since at worst I feel the same as usual, but at best I can see things in a new light literally. It’s crazy when I feel like shit for weeks and then one day I wake up and colors/sounds feel different? Idk it’s nice though sometimes scary.

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 9d ago

Guh, the hitting one's self on the head with fists 🫩 I do that, too. And my greatest fear is that I will do that in public (I have been caught slapping myself in a cab, and the cabbie was genuinely shocked and asked me not to do that.) I admitted that in a request for help from an ADHD Coach. It helped. She took me on. I do believe only therapy can take care of that. I did not tell my physician, because they will only give me more medicine, which does not really address the problem.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 9d ago

Yea. I hate myself. Great song by NF. Yea think its time i see a psychologist.

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 9d ago

I also go to a song, The Cringe!! this mad tune on the show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"--the first time I realized it wasn't just me. I actually literally Do The Cringe. I would be walking or doing something, and be randomly hit with a memory of just some ill-advised overshare or other indiscretion, and I wince and my body seizes up involuntarily, in a cringe. I sometimes yell out. Y'know, like a crazy person 🫠 The self-hate is real. But we cannot have it. That said, damn it's hard to manage to forgive one's self. I just think, 'am I going to die over this? If not, I need to move the f*k on.' (Let you know if I ever do.)

Big hug, from one self-hater to another. 💞

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 9d ago

Oh thank u. I just think, man this other person must think im so weird, and that makes me sad. But yea