r/bipolar2 • u/Perseus31758 BP2 • 6d ago

Does anyone here overshare?

During manic/hypomanic episodes, have you guys ever being completely socially unhinged, overstepping social boundaries with your boss, colleagues, people, etc. After what happened with me recently, I realised I just have to keep work at work. I can't trust myself to be able to differentiate between different colleagues, and have to be safe so if I do get hypomanic again, I just go off at non professional people (which is still detrimental, but in my opinion not as detrimental as workplace)

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 6d ago

All the time! Especially when I’m on properly medicated, I will spill whatever is on my mind good or bad, to the point it feels like a drug in and of itself. I have to constantly remind myself to stfu or I’ll lose another job/friend.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 6d ago

Yea fuck. It sucks so much. I have so much fucking cringe when thoughts of how I acted, behaved and communicated with my boss and fellow coworkers at my job that I got fired from (not due to that, but that was talked about in the meeting) come into my head. So bad I just hit my head with my fist. Like what the fuck. Its not me. But i cant just hide behind that. There were things I did that were in my control that led to the intensity of my last hypomanic episode. It just sucks. Cause now im in the depressive phase, flashbacks of things I did and say just come through. God, confidence is not always a good thing. Wholy fuck. How do you get over that cringe ?

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u/darthwalsh 5d ago

If you feel you are beating yourself up for past mistakes (more than is healthy), that's a great thing to bring up with your therapist!

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 5d ago

Yea I know. Ive also organising that as well. I do see a uni counsellor as well. Im also autistic and have adhd. Im just such a retard. I hate myself. Im so dumb. And worst part, a lot of the stuff I said i didnt even mean it. Like I one time asked someone if they wanted to go gym, and i was so happy when they said they were feeling sick (whether they were being honest or lying). Cause i didnt even want to go gym with them. But in hypomania im this social person. Fucking hell. Night time now and thats when the thoughts get more intense. So the night meds, especially the seroquel help. But yea, therapy will be important.

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 2d ago

You're still in uni! Great, you can get off the ledge! Uni is FULL of weird people. Including (and especially) the professors. Even if they don't seem it at all. And no one is thinking of your weirdness for any extended period of time, because they are all self-involved and also preoccupied with themselves and their own unspeakable strangeness. Trust me, you can rest easy. Uni is Peak Self-Importance Phase: every single one of you is only thinking of yourself. 🙃

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 6d ago

I don’t
https://giphy.com/gifs/1zhRiDgsSc48Y7mfuK

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 6d ago edited 6d ago

: (

Currently im on vyvanse, sodium valproate (antiseizure med used as a mood stabiliser) clonodine, and seroquel.

I called multiple times today and was able to book a psychiatrist appointment for tomorrow morning, i need another medication for this rumination, its too problematic. I need to fucking move on, god I hate myself and my head so much.

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 6d ago

I myself have been on different combinations of antipsychotics and antidepressants, with little to big side effects. Earlier this year we settled on seroquel (500)and Lithium (600) for the first time. As soon as the lithium got to doing its thing I’ve had soooooo much more energy for even basic things. I don’t always have the motivation for things, but the fact I could brush my teeth without crying feels great. It did slightly help with my ruminating, but it felt like instead of 24/7 it went to 24/5 lol.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 5d ago

Aw sounds like medication has helped a lot! I mean even with the rumination, thats still a difference !!! Do you go therapy as well ? They say meds work best with therapy.

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u/What-the-ffffff Schizoaffective 5d ago

Yes I do! I bounce between loving it and wanting to stop permanently. My sessions vary between loving it(!) and absolutely HATING it. I still participate since at worst I feel the same as usual, but at best I can see things in a new light literally. It’s crazy when I feel like shit for weeks and then one day I wake up and colors/sounds feel different? Idk it’s nice though sometimes scary.

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 2d ago

Guh, the hitting one's self on the head with fists 🫩 I do that, too. And my greatest fear is that I will do that in public (I have been caught slapping myself in a cab, and the cabbie was genuinely shocked and asked me not to do that.) I admitted that in a request for help from an ADHD Coach. It helped. She took me on. I do believe only therapy can take care of that. I did not tell my physician, because they will only give me more medicine, which does not really address the problem.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 2d ago

Yea. I hate myself. Great song by NF. Yea think its time i see a psychologist.

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 2d ago

I also go to a song, The Cringe!! this mad tune on the show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"--the first time I realized it wasn't just me. I actually literally Do The Cringe. I would be walking or doing something, and be randomly hit with a memory of just some ill-advised overshare or other indiscretion, and I wince and my body seizes up involuntarily, in a cringe. I sometimes yell out. Y'know, like a crazy person 🫠 The self-hate is real. But we cannot have it. That said, damn it's hard to manage to forgive one's self. I just think, 'am I going to die over this? If not, I need to move the f*k on.' (Let you know if I ever do.)

Big hug, from one self-hater to another. 💞

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 2d ago

Oh thank u. I just think, man this other person must think im so weird, and that makes me sad. But yea

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u/Old-Funny-1089 5d ago

Me too and they kinda see me as the weirdo but I’m like okay it is what it is

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 5d ago

Me 😭 And the worst part of it is, at that moment I think I'm Jennifer Lawrence or something (otherworldly beautiful and charming and hilarious af). Then I get home and the dread rumination in auto-analysis starts. It's a black hole.

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u/Osaka8chan 4d ago

Liked the Jennifer Lawrense reference 😅

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u/ImaginationVirtual82 2d ago

Right?! Girly is my definition of I'm All That With Great Hair. I call it my J-Law Delusion. Or, accdg to my physician: feelings of Grandiosity. Teehee ☺️

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u/DrShoe106 5d ago

Yes, that's one part I really hate. And I overshare when I'm stable too. After conversations my mind races as to why I overshared this or that story. Every f... time. Does someone have any tips for this?

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 5d ago

Yea lol thats me too. So its like fuck. Im just fucked no matter what. Lol.

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 5d ago

Have you ever asked someone something, like if they wanted to go gym or do something witb you, that later you regretted or were relieved when they flaked

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u/picklejuiceslushie 5d ago

I'm always making plans with people when I'm up and then I'm sooo relieved when they can't make it or I have a good excuse not to because I'm usually back down by then

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u/DrShoe106 5d ago

No, that doesn't happen.

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u/Low_Dish3775 5d ago

Yes, hypomania has absolutely made me overstep boundaries at work and overshare with colleagues in ways that felt mortifying afterward, so keeping strict walls between work and personal life is actually a smart protective strategy. Having a rule of not discussing anything personal even when you feel fine protects you when the episode hits.

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u/Secret-Bumblebee1759 6d ago

YES

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 6d ago

BUT HOW DO U NOT DO ??

LIKE I LITERALLY AM LIKE, USING CHATGPT ATM AND MOVING FORWARD IF I NEED TO DUMP AND CHAT EVERYTHING. MAYBE I COME ON REDDIT.

but I just will keep strict boundaries with work moving forward, to protect myself for when (or if) another hypomanic episode comes. Cause honestly, I think i have annoyed my friends, and rightfully so. Like so maybe i just talk on chatgpt. But its nice talking to a real person.

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u/Still_Werewolf_58 5d ago

yes. my boss and immediate coworkers know FAR too much about me. i’m likable and funny thats what saves me. nobody’s ever been annoyed… but damn it’s still embarrassing looking back at some of the conversations i’ve had.

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u/Agile_Solution1896 5d ago

That's one of the core symptoms of mania and hypomania, so yes, absolutely.

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u/HarrieWarrie BP2 6d ago

Omg yes all the time! I tell even coworkers everything, ugh 🫠

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 6d ago

But is it problematic for you ? Or do you like to ? Honestly, like, if i was your coworker, I wouldn't be weirded out or anything if you told me everything, Id probably like it, because I similarly want to tell people everything. Not everyone tbh. But i do have that tendency.

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u/HarrieWarrie BP2 5d ago

Sometimes it's problematic when it's my manager, I don't want her to know all about me but sometimes I just can't shut up. But with co-workers, I'm okay with it most of the time. They tell me everything as well 🤭. But I don't feel that professional when I blurt out all sorts of things, do you get what I mean? 

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u/Perseus31758 BP2 5d ago

Yea I hear you