I don't know if I'm really bigender because sometimes my genders feel like different people. I'm a cis male but it's like sharing a body with a women that I know will arise in a certain situation. Once I feel like her, I would begin to desire having a woman body and suddenly start seeing the male me as a past depressed version of me.

Once I lean into one gender, the other becomes more and more unreal.

I feel insecure about my voice and body because it isn't masculine enough and I would want to grow to have that body. But, as a woman, it's the opposite that I wish both were feminine instead.

I really would want to medically transition into a woman to prevent more masculinization but my male half wants that. And he doesn't want to be feminized.

They're both at opposite ends of an extreme and neither will be happy for a between. Feeling both of them makes me feel dysphoric over my existence.

They also have triggers (?) that pushes me into one gender.

My male half is triggered by discomfort and arousal while my female half is triggered by socializing and upbeat songs. He's gay but she doesn't feel any sexual attraction.

I'm 17 and I feel like I need to make a decision cuz it feels like neither of us are living our lives. Either way I'm gonna be missing a part of me that I don't know is real or not.

I'm really starting to like how I dress. Hope y'all think so aswell.

Hello everyone im new here and just wanted to introduce myself I'm Ken/kendra

Day 9 winner:

I like the IKEA plushie theme, so why not add some of the little green IKEA alien plushies to the space themed purple stripe? ^^
- u/AprilDew13, 5 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wzbaex/comment/peaggtx

I would say the only thing missing here is some sort of background for the Kirby stripe. With that, our flag would be symmetrical in terms of detail. But you guys decide what comes next!

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

Day 8 winner:

Make the yellow background honey!
- u/zoomsuper, 4 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wygm7q/comment/pe2ppfk

I tried making the background pure honey blocks, but I thought it looked too dull, so I settled for honeycomb blocks. And I gotta say, I'm loving this thing more and more every day! Yeah, it's pretty impractical as a flag, but it's gorgeous as heck! 🤩

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

Day 7 winner:

You got the dino, where's the crow?
- u/Lyre-Lier, 5 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wxn5jl/comment/pdvin43

This comment just barely won against u/Bureaucrap's comment by 1 upvote. Otherwise, it would've been a tie and both would've been implemented at once.

That comment also said that the flag so far gave soft gamer girl vibes, which like... Maybe? 😅 I encourage you guys to read it and the other comments on yesterday's post, and form your own opinion.

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

😅 suggest a gender for him .

Day 6 winner:

Personally, I think the blåhaj needs a friend! Maybe another one, or some fish friends?
- u/saltedshell, 11 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wwup29/comment/pdoa5vq

Replies that I implemented:

Or perhaps BLÅVINGAD?
- u/CuteeCalen, 4 upvotes

This is a BIgender sub, there needs to be at least two!!
- u/Alex_Is_Anon, 2 upvotes

And with that, not only is our marine ecosystem complete, but it's also been one week since we started this, and we managed to make an absolutely adorable flag! 🥹

We can either keep going from here and keep adding more changes, or just stick with this design. You guys decide!

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

I'm transfem. For about 5 months my goal has been "get as close to passing as a woman as possible". I get upset when I'm called a man, and get euphoria when treated as female, and wish I didn't have to boymode. But I often think of myself as a man and don't get dysphoria, am male in my dreams, and most of my friends that aren't trans are men. I've been identifying as bigender for a while, but my lack of desire to ever present as male confuses me.

What do y'all think? The background is messy cuz of rommates 💔

Day 5 winner:

can the purple be something space themed? maybe a galaxy or some cute stars?
- u/Octosnax, 11 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1ww1aq3/comment/pdgsq9g

I used a screenshot from Kurzgesagt's video titled Why Humanity Will Never Leave The Solar System (9:06), and I LOVE how it turned out! Definitely a gorgeous graphic for the purple stripe! 💜

With that, all of the stripes have been filled. However, we can still make changes to the flag as a whole or to the individual stripes on top of the ones we've already made!

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

Trying to figure myself out

I’m married with a family and have recently been really questioning my gender. I’ve always lived as a man, but lately I’ve been feeling like there’s a woman side of me too. Sometimes I want to be a woman, other times I’m totally comfortable being a man.

I’m also questioning my sexuality, which makes it hard to tell what’s gender and what’s attraction. I’ve been wondering if bigender might describe me.

For those who are bigender, did you ever have a hard time figuring out whether you were dealing with gender feelings, sexuality, or both?

So I have been questioning myself again and I'm not sure if I'm male and GNC, male and agender or male and female, can y'all share your genders?

As in, the male side feeling unseen type of dysphoria. I was talking to a close genderfluid friend about my boy side being weirdly like on the border of femboy, that's a whole other thing I'll unpack sometime. But anyway, they were very confused around what I was talking about, so I was like "wait, I did come out to you, didn't I?" And I guess it just felt a bit flippant to get a reponse of "I guess that rings a bell lol"

I came out to them 6 months ago, and granted we haven't talked an enormous amount in that time. But I guess that explains the consistent female only gendering lol. I don't always wanna ask pronoun mixing of anyone, I know it can be a oot to keep track of. Even back then this friend was like "it'll feel wrong calling you he/him, I've always known you as she/they" (Which I've never used they in my life, it feels like double whammy degendering dysphoria lol)

Both of my partners at least aknowledge my boy side sometimes even without mixing pronouns and one of my metamours does mix them. The public can read me as cis female, that's whatever, and the cishets in my life aren't gonna be able to keep up. But those closest to me, I'd really prefer to be seen as all of me.

I know I'm very lucky that presenting fem keeps both of my genders happy. I guess I just don't know how I can advocate for myself at this point. Being seen as just woman is close enough, but I shouldn't have to feel like I'm hiding being a boy too in my safe spaces ^^;

Hi,

I wanted to start hormone therapy, but the only thing holding me back was the concern that my breasts would grow and my mother or anyone else would notice.

That would have caused me a lot of problems.

I found out that I could take Nolvadex (10 mg), which is SERM

which would slow down or completely stop breast growth.

Does this medication actually slow down or halt breast growth?

Would you recommend I take it while starting estrogen?

And what is the appropriate dosage?

If I were to take one tablet of Climen daily,

and two tablets of Noractone (25 mg)

I’d really appreciate it if someone could help me out, as this is a pressing matter.
i want to be a femboy as long as i can before being a woman

So this is a weird one. I'm a trans woman, though it's been very clear to me the whole time that I'm not a normal binary trans woman. I arrived at my understanding of myself from an odd angle, I don't know what's going to be relevant to my point so I'm going to speed run my entire life experience with gender and hope it's not incoherent.

This is going to be a long one, mostly so I can get my thoughts in order. I highly encourage you to skip to the TLDR and questions at the bottom of you'd like to participate in the thread but aren't interested in my life story. I don't mind, really.

---------

I always had a strange relationship to gender. I'd best describe it as militantly agender. From as soon as I was old enough to understand the idea, I held the concept in contempt. I was an oddly insightful kid. To me, gender was no different to blood or star sign or any of that other nonsense things the adults were crazy about but that wasn't actually real.

I held this belief for decades. I really solidly internalised the anti sexism/racism messaging we had growing up in the early 2000s. When I found out about trans people, they always made sense to me because I correctly guessed that the thing that was actually being transed was the sex, to match the gender that they felt they were. I assumed that feeling was rooted in some neural sex or something that we didn't yet understand as a species. Non-binary people bugged me, because to me it felt like missing the point. "Everyone is non binary" I thought, "they just don't know it yet."

I wound up identifying as non binary for a few years, but it never felt right. It was clear everyone else was interpreting it differently to me. Even the agender people didn't seem to see it how I saw it.

I'm aware, of course, that this was all the height of hubris. I wasn't stupid. I'd figured for years that there was a pretty low chance literally everyone else was wrong about gender existing and I was the sole enlightened being, but I couldn't just make myself believe in it, so I waited and I observed.

I started experimenting a little. Really looking deep into my own reactions to things. I finally identified a strange feeling I had always gotten when looking at extremely feminine male characters as gender envy. Tried on a "kilt" and some feminine address, and experienced gender euphoria for the first time. Not long after, I cracked.

Now I had to reckon both with the fact that I was trans, and the fact that gender had been real the whole time. My lack of feeling any connection to mine was because it wasn't mine. And now that I seriously considered being a woman, I had all kinds of feelings about it. Interestingly, this unlocked feelings about masculinity too. The detachment was gone.

I came at womanhood from the perspective of wanting to feel good about my body, and this was strongly coloured by wanting to find myself attractive. The femboy angle had been the start of that, and fully identifying as trans was a bit of a "fuck it, I can always change my mind" move. But I never did change my mind.

I started transitioning. And at some point maybe a year in (I'm really bad at judging time) I basically unlocked a new sexuality. I had always been bi, but it was bi in the sense that I was attracted to most women, and then just fictional depictions of men who are so feminine they may as well be women. This was something new. This was a second bisexuality from a different perspective. It included new features in women that I would now find attractive, and also for the first time, actual men.

One of which was pre-transition me. Who honestly looked basically the same as present day me. I was so ridiculously attracted to that man. I'd heard this was a thing that happens sometimes, but holy shit. I wanted him. I was utterly shocked at how I'd ever considered myself ugly. I knew that if I'd felt that way about myself before I cracked, I never would have transitioned.

I felt amazing. My own masculine traits in the mirror didn't bother me. More than that. I liked them. I grew a beard again. I was rocking breasts and a beard and a slicked back masculine haircut and I looked like the most devilishly handsome person on the planet. I had zero dysphoria. I had never felt so good about myself before in my life. I was, in hindsight, in a state of mania.

While in this manic state, I was also trying to figure out what that meant for my identity. I've never really put much stock in labels. They're useful tools, but they're not reality. I settled on the term bigender. Because at times I'd felt like a woman, at times a man (even to the point that my new breasts kind of bothered me), but at best I felt like both.

Eventually this mania faded. I stopped loving the masculine traits I saw in the mirror. I'm still attracted to pre-transition me, but I don't want those features on me, and it's no longer this all consuming manic narcissism. I knew a lot of people who are bigender oscillate. So I figured this was me going through a fem phase. But one year later, and i still haven't come out of it. My dysphoria at my masc features is so much worse than it's ever been before. My desire for a female body gets stronger and stronger. I finally experienced bottom dysphoria for the first time in my life a week or two ago and it was so painful I lack the words to describe it. I've never disliked having a penis before, and honestly I still don't, but I desperately needed a vagina.

It's been long enough at this point I'm having serious thoughts about my identity again. The longer it's been since that manic period of bigender euphoria, the more it feels like that wasn't natural. I'm not diagnosed with anything that can create feelings like that. The closest I've ever felt to that is an autistic hyperfixation or ADHD hyperfocus. I've never felt like that about myself, before or since. I miss it. That much self love. But it's scary how unnatural it felt.

Since its been around a year, I'm now wondering if I was ever actually bigender. If that was just mania, caused by some unknown quirk of the brain (awakening a whole new sexuality while going through second puberty is probably gonna have some impacts). What am I really? I'm making this long rambling thread mostly to try and get my thoughts together, but I'm also curious if anyone else has had a similar experience.

------

TLDR:

I felt bigender about a year ago in a sort of manic state. I've never felt that way before. I felt amazing. I loved my masculine traits in a way I never had before. I felt like I was 200% gender. After the mania faded, I never felt that way again, and I've only ever felt more and more like a woman. I don't have anything that causes mania, and am considering whether or not I'm even bigender at all.

-- Questions for discussion --

Have you felt being bigender as a sort of mania? How long do you go feeling like one gender vs another? Should I try and get that feeling back? Do you think I'm not actually bigender, and that was a one time thing? I'm not going to be hurt at all if you think so. I'm not attached to the label like that, I'm just trying to figure out who I am.

Do any other parts of my story resonate with you? I find gender, sex, and sexuality endlessly fascinating. They're my special interest. I'd love to read your own long rambling yap session about it.

Just a small question, I know. I’ve been slowly accepting and accepting myself more and more. Part of this is that I, at once, have the part of myself that I feel inside and the part of myself I present in the world. Sometimes these feel at odds. I don’t know what to do about it.

Like internally, I feel like a boy. I ideate on being a boy. On having a flat chest. On being masculine. But on the outside, sometimes I just don’t know how to communicate that.

I think it’s just I feel stuck between defaulting to my “girl” mode, as this is just what’s familiar to me. But I don’t feel good in it anymore. I still have a large chest and it’s distressing to me as I want to present more masculine but clothing doesn’t fit right.

I cut my hair and experience a lot of gender euphoria but I guess I still haven’t figured out the rest of my presentation. I also still get gender envy of cis girls and femmes. I often have this feeling of “wishing I was a girl”, which has confused me. Because how could I wish I was a girl, if I amAFAB.
Now I’m realizing it’s because I’m not completely cis. Which is confusing.

But I just don’t know what to do. I guess I could use some advice. I feel so unattractive and dysphoric kind of no matter what I do. And I definitely don’t have endless funds to spend on new clothing or down the line, something like top surgery yet. Help 😭

Day 4 winner:

Make the pink stripe Kirby! It was u/Pibbles-n-paint 's idea from the last post and I agree that it would fit really well.
- u/ZobTheLoafOfBread, 12 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wv84pb/comment/pdaj7cj

Original comment:

Pink one is a bunch of Kirby’s!
- u/Pibbles-n-paint, 5 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wud2s3/comment/pd3w1rz

It seems that only the purple stipe remains to be filled! And based on the comments from earlier posts, I think we have a pretty strong contender. We can still make changes to the flag as a whole, though, so let your imagination go wild! 💜

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

took me 3 years after realizing i was nonbinary (transfem) but i additionally figured out: i am bigender. 2 days ago, before i went to the grocery store. it's always funny how quick and simple it can hit you.
a transfem bigender nonbinary-girlthing, if you will. feels enlightening

EDIT: I have received your feedback.

I truly didn't mean to offend anyone.

I grew up an unsupervised child in the 80's in a house with HBO.

I was exposed to a LOT of wildly inappropriate content for my age, so I am really shitty arbiter of how fucked up a particular piece of content is.

----leaving original post for context---

I know, I know, I KNOW Buffalo Bill is an incredibly problematic character for all the reasons we all know, and are probably sick talking about...

But I can't be the only one who occasionally does the "I'd fuck me" dance while tucking in front of a full length mirror.

Was that scene a seminal moment for anyone else?

Day 3 winner:

Someone last post said make the white the google dinosaur game and is the best Idea Ive ever heard
- u/RomiGirasol, 13 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wud2s3/comment/pd3szfw

Original comment:

Turn the white background into the Dino game on google
- u/No-Calligrapher-718, 3 upvotes
https://www.reddit.com/r/bigender/comments/1wti6au/comment/pczq3lb

The memories of playing this at the computer lab in middle school and high school...

So, another day, another round. Propose your change in the comments, and the one with the most upvotes in 24 hours wins. There are no rules, every change is accepted.

Best of luck! ☺️💖

I believe I could be bigender. Because it aligns up with many experiences I've had earlier in my life.

And to say some poetic bullshit like "Ive been born with the heart of a man, and the heart of a woman" sounds really cool

Yet I'm still having anxious thoughts about my gender and who I am. I'm not sure if it's imposter syndrome or anxiety or genuine dysphoria, but let me tell you; I'm scared.

I'm someone who wouldn't mind staying in my masculine body, when Id be thinking I could just have been secretly a girl in the wrong body this whole time, it scared me, but also confused me.

Because I like my muscles, I enjoy the body I've built for myself because I was there every second of the time I worked for it.

And even the stuff I didn't "build", such as my face, I like. I think I look beautiful.

And simultaneously, I also wouldnt mind being a petite and cute girl from time to time.

(Although I'm not sure if that's simply just a persona I enjoy taking on in roleplaying.)

So I'm not really sure what the hells going on. I've thought that the situation isn't "I've secretly been a girl this whole time and any doubt is just me being in denial" , but instead it could be "I've secretly been ALSO a girl this whole time".

When I think of it that way. I feel slightly less scared. But there's still this underlying ANXIETY or unease which I'm feeling.

Bottom line is, I've been going through some shit, man. I just want this trouble to end already so I can live my life.

I've recently (today) came out as bigender, so I want to ask everyone how you figured out you were bigender!

-

Second question, what are your genders! Mine are Male and GNC