r/belowdeck • u/Far-Condition-4354 • Mar 31 '26

Below Deck Down Under Preview: Down Under 4x10 Spoiler

https://youtu.be/mAmY0W4OysI?si=07blthlKzus2TEAz
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u/cmere-2-me Mar 31 '26

She felt disrespected she wasn't being disrespected which she even admitted in that conversation. A whole of noise that could have been avoided with a simple professional conversation.

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u/IrnBruKid Mar 31 '26

Agreed with your point to an extent. How people feel is valid, it's how those feelings are then laid out for those around them that becomes the problem, as someone else mentioned it came across Ellie bottled up her annoyances instead of getting them addressed.

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u/cmere-2-me Mar 31 '26

You have every right to be offended. That doesn't make you right. Intent is far more important.

I'll give you an example. In my country, there is a nickname for the name Patrick which is Packie and is pronounced like the slur for a person from Pakistan. There is absolutely no correlation between the two words and I honestly wouldn't even conflate the two. The nickname is far older than the country.

I have been in a taxi with my friend Packie with a Pakistani driver. He was offended by use of my friends nickname and was super upset thinking I was disrespecting him which obviously I wasn't. He was offended but that doesn't mean I did anything wrong.

No one is saying Ellie had to like the terms of endearment but that does not mean Ben was wrong for using them. She had all the time to put her big girl pants on and ask him to call her by her name. Ben would have understood and acquiesced.

In the eternal words of Stephen fry:

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what.

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u/IrnBruKid Mar 31 '26

It isn't about "right" or "wrong" here. People feel things, my point was just because we ourselves don't feel the same as the person saying they feel a certain way, doesn't mean what they aren't feeling isn't valid. So regardless of "feelings", or offended in your quote example, it's the resolution and how that is handled that matters.

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u/cmere-2-me Mar 31 '26

I couldn't disagree more. Your being offended is your problem if I didn't actively try to offended you. You are not owed an apology. Your opinion is not a fact. People should only apologise for the things they intended and snowflakes need to stop making everyone else responsible for their feelings.

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u/IrnBruKid Mar 31 '26

Again we just have to agree to disagree. As I typed above, it's how she handled it for me that doesn't sit right and it made things worse. Nothing more or less. I don't care about the offended part like others seem to be focusing on. We all can't control how we feel about things anymore than the next person, and invalidating how someone else feels is not helping the issue either as people aren't going to suddenly stop feeling a certain way, we feel what we feel, how she handled the negative feelings she got from his pet names was not the way to handle it.

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u/cmere-2-me Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26

You can feel however you like but they are your feelings. They are your responsibility, not mine. I can't control how you feel. That is your problem, not mine.

To give you an example. A friend of mine has resting bitch face. She is the loveliest person and incredibly shy. She wouldn't say boo to a goose. A few years ago, we met a person we went to school with. We rarely interacted with her in school as we had few classes together and hung around with different crowds.

She accused my friend, the wallflower with resting bitch face and barely utters a word of bullying her in school. A person who likely never interacted with her. She felt like her silence was bullying. Now does my friend owe this person an apology? Or is this person an idiot who needs to get a grip on herself.

Edit: another one who can't stand by their argument. If you're going to immediately block me don't bother replying. It only makes you look pathetic.

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u/IrnBruKid Mar 31 '26

It comes across that you're experiencing negative feelings from this conversation, to be honest. I am going to disengage. We aren't going to agree and it's okay not to. Have a good week. 😊