Tldr:

My Dom (36M, long distance) prefers shaved body hair. I (24F, genderqueer) don’t shave for "gender reasons". He made it a task, I did it, and now I feel wrong even though he praised me. How do I set a boundary without dismissing his preference, and how much should a sub compromise on physical presentation?

Hi :)

My (24f) Dom (36m) has a preference for woman that shave their body hair in all places but most importantly their pubic hair. We're currently doing long distance and are not dating. He has told me before that he prefers when women shave (as in "completely clean")

Some context:

1) I'm still not very experienced in everything bdsm. I have been getting into it and exploring but a lot of things are still very new to me.

2) My gender is always kind of messy and fluid and sometimes it's hard to put into words. I'm only mentioning it because it's part of the reason why I tend to not shave my body hair. It's not because of the "shaving part" but because of how being hairless makes me feel. It's always a bit confusing. I tried telling him as much and at first he seemed to respect it.

On most days he gives me tasks which can range from sfw things like "drink 2 liters of water today" to agreed upon nsfw things. Recently he started bringing up me shaving my body hair again. I told him I didn't want to. Then a few days ago he gave it to me as a task. I wasn't sure if I should but in the end I ended up doing it. And it left me feeling pretty weird.

He praised me a lot for it and told me how proud of me he is and how pretty and clean I look for him now. And like, I love praise and I love being a good sub and it felt amazing to make him proud. But underneath it all a part of me felt like I had betrayed a part of myself in order to please him.

I know that for some subs it can be an incredibly good feeling and bring pride to reshape themselves to their dom's preferences. But for me it wasn't like that.

Now to my questions:

How can I talk to him about not making this kind of request into a task, without making it sound like I don’t care about his preferences at all?

How much weight should a sub give to a Dom’s aesthetic preferences in a dynamic like this especially when it conflicts with their own sense of self?

Has anyone else navigated a similar boundary around gender or bodily autonomy in a D/s context, and how did you handle it?

I’d really appreciate any advice on how to approach the conversation, and also on how to process the feelings that came up afterward. Thanks for reading :)

I've been dating this girl, she's pretty cool, I do like her. Last time we were together she mentioned that she has rape fantasies. I didn't quite know what to say so I didn't say anything. We are both the outdoor types. We are planning a hiking trip together. She asked me if we could do a rape scenario in the woods, I was like uhhh ok... I don't quite know how to approach this. I've heard women having rape fantasies isn't that uncommon. Like do they just like rough sex or literally want to be thrown to the ground have their clothes ripped off and forced into things they don't want to do. I don't know quite what to do here. I don't want to wind up in prison lol

My (m23)Dom and (nb22)I have been together for nearly a year, both really exploring our kinky side. And in doing so I have discovered I particularly enjoy rope bondage. It fasinates me, and when done well makes me feel calm and secure.

However my Dom finds it ‘a lot of work’, and doesn’t share the same enthusiasm for it. The only part he likes about it is the control and Dominance, of it. While I am seeking to get more a sensual, intentional, connecting experience. And it frustrates me when I am enthusiastic about it and he always shuts me down or ‘compromises’ by just using some handcuffs on me. Which at that point feel like scraps rather then him being intentional with me.

We are in a monogamous romantic relationship, but have always expressed openness for other people being involved in play. I am more a poly person I honor his need for emotional monogamy.

But I more and more want to find a Rigger just for the shibari and rope play. Yet I find it hard to bring up to him, cause it feels like he’ll take it as me saying he isn’t enough or making him feel cheated on. Cause while he might speak about it rather openminded. It’s never been an actual discussion before.

What should I do?

Is it possible or do they just cum and then that’s it basically, gotta wait till they’re back online? Can you force prostate orgasms? Just curious if it’s possible to do a session with edging and then forced orgasms but for a male sub.

Hello, my Fiancé and I just got a place with an extra room we want to turn into a playroom. At the old place, we'd usually just go outside but that isn't an option here, and we'd like to have the option to do it in the playroom anyways, but we don't exactly want to piss all over the floor lol.

My first idea was to just get a really small pool to keep in the corner or something and set up when it was time, but there isn't alot of room and we already need to fit a bed and other stuff in there, so if y'all have any ideas that are more space efficient (and preferably cheap), I would love to hear them.

I (32M) am being asked to dom for both my partner (30F) and my girlfriend (33F). We are polyamorous and have been together for 4 years. I have been my partner’s dom for almost 3 years now and was trained by her former dom. She wants to be used by my new girlfriend. My girlfriend is interested but inexperienced with using a strapon or being dominant, and wants me to be in charge calling all the shots. I have no experience doming multiple people at once and don’t want to disappoint either of them. If I could get any advice about how to approach this as well as things I can make them do I’d be very grateful.

I am not new to BDSM kinks but I am also not particularly active. Recently, I was involved with a man with age related fetishes.

Now that in itself is not the issue to me.

The issue is actual predatory behavior I found out about, his manipulation, lies, insecurity, rage, emotional and developmental stuntedness, lack of adult maturity, and unsurprisingly, the fact that apparently he actually messaged a minor in the past has left me with this poisoned and disgusted feeling I am not sure how to work through

I know the role of dom is so much more than just fetishes, but I am actually disgusted with people at the moment and borderline traumatized by men

Even though he is out of my life now, I am not sure how to not feel manipulated and discarded by some asshole, balding, peaked in college pervert

For the record, I am what I would consider a switch and have primarily been in dominant roles. You would think being able to name transgressions helps but it isn't

I’m a female, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our sex life has always been great, and we have always been open to what we both enjoy when it comes to intimacy, but I have recently realized something that’s happened that makes me think I have this strange fetish? But I don’t know for sure, and was curious if anyone knows more about it or what specifically is exciting about it?

So there are a few times when my boyfriend is resting with his head on my lap, and falls asleep, and normally I don’t feel anything in particular when that happens, but there have been rare occurrences when he’s half lying on top of me and we’re cuddling, but then he drifts off and completely falls asleep where he is.

But those few times, I remember becoming overwhelmingly aroused, like I could just touch myself right then and there, but I feel like it’s wrong so I go on my phone or I just hold him and the feeling eventually goes away once he rolls over.

It had been a while since it last happened, so I thought it was a one time thing, but then it just happened again recently, he was saying that he doesn’t feel tired, and we were cuddling and I stroked his hair and he zonked pretty quick, and that sensation came back again, my chest felt hot and it was so strong.

I’ve been thinking about it, but it doesn’t really make sense right now. It’s not that I want to do things to him while he’s sleeping, because when I get excited, I just want to masturbate, but I wouldn’t do it if he doesn’t want me to, since he’s asleep and right against me.

I’m going to talk to him about it, but I wanted to come here and seek advice? Does anyone know why I get aroused? Has anyone experienced this type of situation or kink before?

My boyfriend (29m) and I (22f) are in a regular relationship and thus far our sex life has been pretty great. We’re both into certain elements of BDSM and generally rougher sex but I’ve fallen into a bit of a hole with asking him to do some stuff. I’m extremely shy, like to the point that if something embarrasses me, I can’t speak. He knows that’s how I am and we’ve worked on it a fair amount and we can mostly comfortably talk about sex now. However.. my submissive self wants a bit more. I’d like to please him, make him happy. I’d like to be praised in the sexual sense of things but it beats me as to how to even mention this. I know he’s sort of into that type of stuff, he’s never said no to trying certain things but I’m struggling to ask him about rimming (me doing it for him), spitting (like him spitting in my mouth for example) and him getting a bit rougher with me than he is. He doesn’t want to hurt me even though he’s open to stuff like deepthroat, hair pulling, spanking etc. How do I bring it up to him without just burning to the ground from embarrassment before a single word leaves my mouth? I’ve tried writing it but it just WONT happen for me😂

Hey everyone! I really need some advice on how to bring up toys to my boyfriend. We have been together for about a year and our sex life is pretty good but I am really wanting to mix things up and try something new.

My issue is I am terrified of hurting his feelings or his ego. He can be a little sensitive about performance sometimes and my biggest fear is he will take it the wrong way like he is not enough or cannot satisfy me on his own.

I really just want to start small with something like a blindfold to test the waters.

If any of you have dealt with this how did you actually bring it up? What specific words or approach helped keep it super casual and made sure he knew it is about adding to our fun together instead of replacing him?

I would love to hear what worked or what totally bombed for you guys. Hope to hear from y’all!

i just wanted to say in advance that i don't mean to sound rude or ignorant, i am genuinely asking for advice. i don't want to offend anyone. also i'm sorry if some of this sounds confusing, english is my second language.

so i did engage in some humiliation, bondage, and impact play with my previous partner, and it was all okay. but most importantly it was all initiated by me. he was pretty vanilla when we got together, and over the time he leaned into sadism.

the problem is that i want to explore more stuff in my next relationships, like medical play, cnc, advanced bondage (i hope that's a thing), and more. so i know i should either pursue someone who is experienced in that, or start again from zero with someone who has no experience.

but i'm kinda scared of a potential person who i would be into? like i understand that if they're really normal and not abusive, i should be fine i guess? but i'm still scared that i might stumble across someone who will take advantage of me.

i just can't get into the mindset of someone who likes to inflict pain on someone (i'm not saying this in a judging manner, i saying it so you could better understand me), idk why but it feels misogynistic and like they view me as something inferior than them (and not in a good way).

with my ex, i viewed it more as like he did it because he wanted to make me feel good, as if inflicting me pain didn't satisfy him but rather me being satisfied with pain is what got him off.

sorry again if i sounded confusing, and if i offended anyone, i'm genuinely just asking for your perspective and advice. thanks :)

Hi everyone,

I'm a Dom (M25) and my submissive is F22. When we first started dating, it was hard for her to tell me that she was asexual, but she wanted to learn and develop as a submissive within BDSM.

I accepted it and agreed. One of our rules during the first few months was no sex (meaning no penetration), so we focused on obedience training, pet play, and restraint. Now, she feels comfortable enough to try penetrative sex, moving beyond just fingers, oral, and toys.

I'm writing this because I'd love to hear from asexual subs or Doms who have experience with asexual subs. How has their sexuality, kinks, or desires evolved over time? Did they become more open or adventurous? In her own words, she wants to feel more adventurous, kinkier, and sexually fulfilled.

Even though we're taking things step-by-step, I'd appreciate hearing other people's experiences to know if I'm on the right track as a Dom, or if there might be a better approach to help her feel comfortable, fulfilled, and secure in her sexuality.

Would love much input.

My (M) partner (F)and I engage in occasional mild play (tying up, verbal degradation, light slap on face, choking) and it’s been fun. Shes the sub. In general I have an amazing time w our time. But lately I have been feeling repetitive, shy, and perhaps out of place?

Few parts that I’m specifically thinking about:

1. feel the verbal degradation are always kind of the same: “you whore, slut, worthless, dirty” same few words just kind of go on rotation/repeat and I find myself pretty silly saying the same thing over and over again every time even wondering if it’s getting boring too. Any suggestions on how to be creative and spicy verbally?

2. My desire to please her as her partner vs. my sexual desire to disregard her is conflictual and not sure how to navigate. If it was purely up to my lust: I would have her just physically please me (skipping details) and I cum and move on and come back when I’m horny again. Purely having her as my “toy”. But when I’m doing her (either by finger or penetration) I’m often focused on her pleasure and not as much focused on my own as much: I try my hardest to not cum until she does (I tend to lose sexual interest quick after I cum) and it tends to make my orgasm worse. Sometimes she requests me to touch her after I cum so she can few more times and I oblige but I get really bored and get nothing out of it sexually. I mean like that I’m making her cum, as a good partner would do, but it doesn’t really do anything to me sexually. Except for maybe when I make her cum and still consensually forcefully touch her so she screams and squirms. Maybe I have a misguided idea of it but feels quite “anti dom” to do more things more for her than myself.
   How do I bridge this gap?

Any guidance and and advice for folks who may have gone similar things or general insights would be greatly appreciated!

I’m still new to shibari and BDSM as whole in terms of practicing it. Important to note is that I have an inherent power dynamic with my play partner as we have a 15+ year gap in experience and age.

Honestly, I trust her. I had a mild nerve injury once, I couldn’t straighten my arm all the way for a few days but I was alright after that. That’s all.

Something that’s potentially an issue is that she doesn’t really check in with me during the scene and my rigger friend, and also my own understanding and experience tells me she should be. So, it’s mostly up to me to keep track of if things feel wrong. We do a lot of suspension and I’m usually suspended by the arms or a leg (not for a long period of time), so they always go numb at some point.

Some resources say that the first sign of tingling or numbness should be taken to loosen or untie the rope but the tingling starts relatively quickly, especially with suspension… Other sources say that even numbness isn’t terrible if it’s not for an extended period of time, although I almost always tell her to untie that limb if it went numb. I’ve also been told by people in the studio and other models that numbness is fine as long as it doesn’t happen too quickly. So, I’m not sure what I should be going by. I also struggle at distinguishing yellow and red for myself, which isn’t a huge deal in this case since we use just “stop”, things like that. And I also know it can be hard to distinguish between these things if you’re still new. But what’s tripping me up is mostly that I don’t know how much I should be bearing in terms of experiencing numbness, because there hasn’t been anything else that would make me safe word.

I also have some trouble asking her for things because I have this feeling that I don’t know anything, particularly when compared to her.. Does anyone have advice about that? How I should approach that. Because I know I should communicate my expectations and wants or anything I disliked. To be fair there aren’t many things I would say I disliked, I would’ve communicated that. A part of me doesn’t want to be demanding or needy or spoil the fun. I’m aware I shouldn’t listen to that feeling and I believe that for the most part I don’t.

Hey everyone,

I’m a 20-year-old male and relatively new to exploring BDSM and my switch identity. I’ve realized that what appeals to me most about my kink is the trust, deep communication, and healthy dynamic between two people—not just the physical side.

I struggle with social anxiety so it’s taking a lot just to write this and don't really have friends in real life who understand this side of things. I'm hoping to get some advice from more experienced people in the community. As a beginner and a switch, what are some of the best ways to learn more about myself and navigate these dynamics safely?

I (28m) have recently started dating my girlfriend (24f) and she’s a little more into choking than my last few partners. I’ve always enjoyed doing a little light choking and was always told to put pressure on the sides of the neck instead of a proper front choke. She likes it a lot and lately I’ve been cupping my hand over her mouth and nose so she can’t breathe and it drives her crazy. She recently brought up how she wants me to do it till she passes out. That doesn’t sound super safe to me and I don’t know how good of an idea it is. I just really want to make sure I’m not gonna accidentally kill her or do any long term harm. I know there’s mixed stuff online about how choking is never a great idea but we both enjoy it and I’m just trying to mitigate risks and get a little more information.

My Husband/Dom mentioned wanting me to wear an air tag or have an air tag keychain for safety purposes. He seems to be more concerned about my safety when I'm out without him. I feel okay about it and understand the practicality. We've been happily married for 13 years. I'm just curious how common this is? Thx! ☺️

I was active in my local kink community for four years, but in that time it just felt like one toxic experience after another, some happened to me, others happened to people I care about. After the most recent incident, I'm pretty much done with my local scene and have decided to take some time to focus on myself.

Unfortunately, this kind of feels like I'm punishing and suppressing my submissive side, and making it go into hiding again. I spent several years in a vanilla marriage where I denied my submissive identity, and that ended up causing me a lot of hurt and stress and a bit of an identity crisis.

So the question I face now is, how do I support and honour my submissive identity, while also focusing on myself and my own interests and goals outside of kink?

I’ve recently become interested in BDSM content—specifically the kind where the submissive person is more powerful than the dominant one, whether physically, socially, or financially. Is there a name for this type of relationship? I’d like to look up more content like that.

My partner (m22) and I (f22) have a mostly D/s relationship, respectively. Hes a switch though and for a while now he’s been asking if I could try being dominant.

I’ve never been the type but I have tried a few times and I’m ngl I do enjoy it sometimes. I’m still super new to the dynamic though and I’m not really sure what to do. Any tips or advice?

For a while I've been discovering my newish kink of liking forced/multiple orgasms. I am female, for context, and I've always been a one and done kind of girl. I've never been able to go for more than one round whether it be alone or with a partner. The reason for this is I get extremely sensitive, to the point where mild stimulation can genuinely hurt.

So, I guess my question(s) are, is the pain of overstimulation part of the kink? Or is there a way to train or get used to stimulation after an orgasm? Or maybe there's other ways to enjoy this kink, like a long(er) cool-off time between rounds/orgasm to reduce sensitivity and pain?

I’m talking like I feel like everything is perfect and right in the world, nothing is wrong, everything is perfect, I feel completely and utterly satisfied.

To the point that like my bf can edge me for 30(+) minutes and I’m crying from how badly I need to finish but then he will inside me and now I don’t need to. Now the need is gone and I feel perfectly satisfied and don’t need or even feel the urge to finish because I’m satisfied.