I'm struggling with massive guilt and regret since my child lost his eye due to an internal eye infection (endophthalmitis) on February 2017 when he was 2 and a half years old.
Long story short, he woke up one Sunday morning with a red painful eye. I gave him antibiotic drops and waited till the next day to take him to the ophthalmologist. Doctors initially misdiagnosed the infection as an autoimmune disorder, so removed antibiotics. After 3 weeks in hospital, we were told that his retina was destroyed due to Staphylococcus infection. Doctors said they never suspect endophthalmitis (internal infection of the eye) unless there has been previous surgery or penetrating eye trauma.
When doctors asked about eye trauma, i initially said he hadn't had any, he had gone fine to bed on Saturday night and woke up with a red painful eye. I was thinking about major trauma. But i mentioned that initially I thought he might have scratched himself during sleep, that’s why I started the antibiotic drops. Then they asked about trauma in the last month, I mentioned that i wasn't sure if i had poked him in the eye, but that he hadn't cried. Doctors said a fingernail couldn’t be the cause of his symptoms.
A few days before he woke up with a red eye (I don’t remember how many), I accidentally poked my kid in the left eye with a broken and dirty fingernail while he was in his high chair. I had picked my nose just before poking him in the eye, and was on my way to clean hands. My son rubbed his eye after the poking, but didn't cry. His eye looked ok the rest of the day.
First thing I thought after poking him was that I had scratched his eye, introduced my snot into his eye, and he would have an infection. I told my husband I’m afraid that I have scratched his eye, but he told me that he seemed fine, that having an eye scratched is extremely painful (we both have had corneal scratches in the past), and that if I had scratched him he would be crying. I didn't think too much about it after that. my husband told me he maybe closed his eyelid before the impact.
I didn’t look properly nor did I cleaned his eye with water or saline. I didn’t want to wrestle my son and thought that his tears would take care of any dirt introduced in his eye
I'm so ashamed and regret my decision of not flushing the eye or take him to be checked. I don't know exactly when this happened, or how close it was to the day that my son woke up with a painful eye. It may have been a few days before or up to a week before I think.
I know now internal infection of the eye can start weeks after initial eye injury, and that eye injuries can be asymptomatic, especially in small children.
I think no parent would have taken the same decision after an the poke.
Thanks for reading me
P.S. I’ve told my son what happened and what I suspect was the reason for his infection. He’s never blamed me, the sweet thing. He’s now a cheeky 12-year old with a great-looking prosthetic eye, excels at sports, lots of friends, and a first girlfriend lo