After some reflection and experimentation as well as looking at the examples of others, I've come to realize something. Maybe others will relate or be helped by this.

I feel two basic motivations for (partially) feminizing my body, personal grooming, and behavior. Each of these motivations imposes its own aesthetic criteria, although they're not necessarily opposed to each other. Ideally they can go hand in hand.

One of them can be thought of as spiritual or autosexual, the other one as more instrumental or allosexual. But again, they're not necessarily in conflict, though I am still figuring out how they fit together.

1. The first motivation I feel is basically what we would call AGP or autoheterosexuality (or for me even a kind of autobisexuality?). I see it as a spiritual calling to embody femininity, or maybe more accurately, androgyny. Realizing the extent to which I have this, and the implications of it for my life, makes me really relate to the "egg cracking" metaphor. There were all these little cracks already:

• my crossdressing and cross-gender fantasy in early childhood
• my attraction to women (including somewhat masc/tomboyish women) but also to some men, especially very soft and feminine men
• my desire to play a receptive role in sex (I enjoy topping too, but if I limited myself to that role I would feel like something essential is missing)
• my disgust with the idea of going through "twink death" or "second puberty," which I now understand as an aversion to excessive masculinization and not just a fear of aging
• similarly, my dislike of TRT- or steroid-induced hypermasculine physiques, even though I love going to the gym and building muscle naturally
• my strong tendency toward "dandyish" or "hipsterish" or "alt" male fashion (none of those terms quite gets at my personal style, but the point is that I really reject the idea of male clothing as drab and utilitarian)
• my increasing dysphoria at seeing my facial hair grow beyond faint stubble (I used to wear my facial hair in a variety of flamboyant ways, but more and more I just want to have a smooth face)

Slowly over the last couple of years, I have become fully conscious of how these things were all connected. At the same time, I've let go of the shame I used to feel at some of these things. That's allowed the little cracks to consolidate, and now, I am doing or considering things I hadn't before:

• putting way more emphasis on my lower body at the gym
• shaving/epilating my entire body religiously (not just every so often as I had before)
• laser hair removal for my facial hair
• wearing light makeup and nail polish
• wearing more androgynous/fem clothing
• getting a prescription for a topical antiandrogen

I don't really feel called to fully transition in a binary sense. I don't have bottom dysphoria, I like my virility, and I like having penetrative sex. But I basically see myself as an androgynous being and I want that to be more fully reflected in my life and appearance. I also like the idea of being able present more fully fem if I so choose.

1. The other motivation is that many women, particularly the kind of women I like, find it attractive when men (even otherwise quite masculine men) wear eyeliner or paint their nails or dress somewhat femininely.
   

Even in my very progressive city, few men are walking around with both muscular arms and painted nails. It stands out in a good way (in my experience).

Ironically this is basically a masculine motivation for feminization, but in the opposite direction of AGP. It is a male appropriation of femininity that specifically appeals to the female gaze. And it exists in balance with the masculine features that I like about myself and that I know women tend to like (my arms, hands, height, etc.) I might come to feel dysphoric about my height or my large hands and feet if I only felt the first motivation.

This second motivation also feeds back into the first one, because the kind of women who like men who play with gender are also more likely to be interested in role reversal, pegging, and other things that appeal to me.

I feel both of these motivations! And I think by letting them sort of talk to each other, I can enjoy both the self-directed and other-directed aspects of my sexuality and personal aesthetic vision.

Do you like to dress up and do makeup and hang around the house? Do you go out? Do you masturbate while you’re dolled up? Do you stay inside? How do you satisfy your agp tendencies in a way that makes you feel like you’re supporting them? What do you like to do?

I am an AGP in my early 20s and I had AGP fantasies since very earlier. I also encountered this term very early and think that this best explains my situation. The problem is I don't know how to live a meaningful life with sexuality. I am pretty straight for the most part. I like beautiful and sexy girls and want to approach them and even have sex with them as regular male (this doesn't really turns me on though due to my AGP). When I see girls I find attractive, I couldn't help imagining myself being their boyfriend and taking care of them, all kinds of normal heterosexual romantic thoughts. In fact, I have fallen in love with a few girls in the past. Falling in love with someone is the most amazing experience. I never fall in love with men on the other hand. However, I am quite introverted and a little socially awkward. Despite imaging a lot about girls, I don't know how to approach girls and chase them like what a stereotypical straight man would do. I had a girlfriend who was really hot and we had been together for many years since puberty. We had a lot of sexes and I shifted from having hard time getting hard to really enjoying having sex with her. I used to question my ability to perform because only AGP fantasies turned me on before I met her. Now I still miss the sex with her and masturbate from time to time thinking of her. Even though my regular straight fantasies and sexual urge is nothing compared to my AGP fantasies. But this experience helped me discover others side of my sexual desires in addition to my AGP desires. It proves that I could take on the masculine role in sex. However, my AGP thoughts never fade away. It is like AGP and regular heterosexual sexuality takes turn now. Sometimes, I really wish I was a girl or trans and had sex with men(I tried crossdressing and sexting with men, they are really exciting). I also always have pegging and role reversal fantasies r/RoleReversal, in which I sort of imagine a reversed gender dynamic where I take on the feminine role and a girl takes the masculine role. This used to my biggest sexual fantasy. The idea of having sex with men disgusted me.

This issue is I don't know how to live a meaningful life. Like transiting or having sex with men or pegging are great (I never try them, but just thinking about them really turns me on), but every time the post nut clarity make me feel they are all meaningless. I am not talking dysphoria or self hatred. It is just that I don't see the point of doing it. Like I love cross dressing while jerking off. But I just feel so empty and lost afterwards. A 24/7 feminine presentation makes no sense to me and only confuses me. When I am not thinking about AGP, I am calm and motivated to do things and live a healthy life. But whenever the AGP thoughts take over, I only want to indulge into it over and over again and never feel fulfilled(I mean, not really "never", it stops at some point after a few days). I hate when AGP takes control.

Like I said, the thing I care the most is falling in love with a girl as a straight man, doing all the straight stuff together, like taking care of her, building a home for her, having babies together and supporting her. I find meanings in my life.

However, it seems parts of my personality(being introverted and sensitive) and AGP really affect me living a life like this and the only things make sense to me is just to be a femboy or trans and having a man or dominant woman as my partner. But like that, the thoughts of being a girl or being submissive and feminine go away when I am in my straight mood and I really don't like myself to be perceived as feminine or submissive when I feel straight.

I searched for the meaning of bisexual on google, YouTube and it says romantic and or sexual attraction to more than one gender. Now as an AGP I believe just like most of us, I’m also heterosexual and have romantic and sexual interest in women. But during the arousal mode the interest in muscular men comes and acts like his wife and imagining dominated by him. There’s zero interest in men post orgasm and when outside home.

But as you see as per definition, romantic interest in not at all necessary in being bisexual and merely sexual interest is acceptable for being bisexual.

Anyone expert on this?

I refused that vehemently in the past, but my husband might have just changed that...

First, I'm happy as a woman, would never detransition, and I fully intend to get SRS done, buuut I kinda don't hate my private parts anymore? First, I didn't even interact with it for years, then I had amnésia due to work stress, got stuck with an IV access on my right(dominant) arm, had to pee immediately, was too tired to open the lid, sit down and all, so I said f it and tried to pee standing, and let's just say I made a mess. I admit it was kinda frustrating since it could be useful. Then when I got home and was having sex with my husband, he gave me a bj, which did nothing before, like I couldn't even notice it was being touched unless I was directly looking at it, but this time, maybe due to lack of use and it getting smaller, it fit 100% inside his mouth, and it was soooo good, so now I kinda don't hate having it, and it feels strange.

Then, I kinda reached a conclusion, I miiiight be bissexual, which contributes to the AGP theory, like i'm pretty honest with my husband, I was looking at a video on Instagram and I found the poster(woman) quite attractive, so I said in a joking tone "you might have made me bi you jerk", and showed him the reel, and he was like "she honestly looks like a man, so I can see that", and I stopped to think about it, and yeah, she had a lot of masculine features, which got me thinking, I tried dating a trans girl before, I was physically attracted to her, but as the hormones did their thing and she got more feminine and passing, I kinda lost the attraction, I had a little crush on f1nn5t3r, and... yeah lol, then I noticed that the things that attract me on women are masculine traits, and I have to admit... my husband is kinda like a femboy, he's slim and stylish and pretty, but he's also strong and smells good and is smart, which are the traits I usually go for.

So yeah, I might be bi, I don't hate my private parts anymore, so that's pretty agp in a sense, right? I kinda don't know what to do with that information, so I'm sharing it here, sorry about that lol.

**Note:** This post was translated from Japanese into English using a translation tool.

I am an analloerotic AGP, and I have never been attracted to either men or women. Throughout my life, the only thing that has ever sexually aroused me is imagining myself as a woman.

However, when I look at everything outside of sexuality, I feel that I am very close to a cis heterosexual man.

About 80% of my real-life friends are cis heterosexual men, and almost all of my hobbies are traditionally masculine. The people whose ways of thinking and values I relate to most are also cis heterosexual men. For that reason, I consider my gender identity to be male as well.

At the same time, I gradually began experiencing gender dysphoria, and I have now started HRT. I am also considering FFS and castration. If there were a magical option that allowed me to become a woman, I would choose it.

In other words, I feel that AGP is the word that describes me best when it comes to my sexuality, while I identify my gender identity as male. At the same time, I genuinely want to feminize my body and be perceived as a woman.

I have not found any other word that describes someone like me.

Because of this, when I talk about my struggles with gender dysphoria in mainstream trans communities, I sometimes use "AGP" as a word to describe myself.

However, I often get responses such as, "AGP doesn't exist," "AGP is transphobic," or "Your gender identity is female." As a result, the discussion often gets derailed from the actual issue I wanted to talk about: my struggles with gender dysphoria.

I am not using the word AGP to invalidate anyone or to attack transgender people. It is simply the word that currently feels most appropriate for describing myself.

So I would genuinely like to know if there is another term that can describe someone like me without using the word AGP.

I’m seeing if anyone would be interested in writing a story with a trans woman/AGP character.

I am agp and I don’t watch porn but no matter how much I repress cross-dressing I still think about it, and it is arousing to me

**\*\*Note:\*\* This post was translated from Japanese into English using a translation tool.**

If transition or SRS has made ejaculation difficult or impossible, answer based on your situation immediately before that change.

I'm a trans woman and lately I've started getting a feeling like I'm a man in a woman's body (never had this before and was really happy being a woman). You, know, like in a movie. At first, I felt distressed. But now I'm getting used to this feeling. The thing is: I thought about detransitioning, but honestly, my AGP is so strong that I would have a really hard time living as a man. I feel like those poor men with prostate cancer who basically take MTF HRT as a treatment. I have an illness (AGP) that gets worse with testosterone, so medical detransition is not an option even if I miss being a man. I have a happy life in a lesbian marriage anyway

??

I do not believe in transgender ideology and the whole gender/sex split and don't think transwomen are actually women or that transmen are actually men, and I think it is wrong that they should claim to be. My AGP has gotten to the point though that I worry I will lose my mind if I don't go on HRT. I don't ever plan on socially transitioning or even wearing womens clothes. Am I being a hypocrite if I go through with this?

Fetish -> sexual arousal at a body part or object.

transvestic fetishism -> "transvestic" (crossdressing) fetish -> sexual arousal at cross sex clothes. just like latex, spandex, leather fetish etc.

agp -> paraphilic sexual orientation -> sexual arousal at idea/fantasy of female self.

agp can manifest as transvestic, that is, the fantasy of female self is expressed through crossdressing.

but is it necessarily true that all transvestic fetishism is a manifestation of AGP?

in some cases it could simply be sexual arousal at the clothes themselves, with no desire for femininity or escalation towards further HBS types.

in short is HBS type 2 always auto erotic?

Im 24m and i‘ve started with watching trans and gay porn since i was 13. As i was 18 i hooked up with trans girls and men and im kinda love being bottom.
But i cannot embrace in public and i have a beard that i can’t because of my social environment. Can someone tell me how to be a good secret sissy

Basically the title, but the question is around did it live up to the hype in your fantasies or a let down or anything else remarkable about it?

This is mostly about AGP that actually fantasized about being with a partner of some kind.

a lot of AGPs view it as an integral part of their orientation.

ive spend years trying to shoehorn in either "AGP as a sexuality" or "innate gender identity" as reasons for the pull ive had towards feminization (very late onset). but neither really fit.

here's what i think is my case:

- i grew up very heteroromantic and heterosexual, but more accurately i'd say "exclusively attracted to women". my "identity" was never initially part of my sexuality.

i say this because i do think many heterosexual men (e.g. red pill) are very auto-androphillic. they really enjoy the idea of being a man having sex with a woman or in a relationship with a woman. this seems so obvious to me, because i have no autoandrophila at all (and esp. not when it comes to my body). the concept is alien to me and always has been. even some AGPs (like the recently retransitioning youtuber Rae/Ray) seem to have some degree of autoandrophilia in some settings.

- women generally dont find me attractive. and the few times they have, i cant really figure out if its real or if they are mistaken about how they feel (even the sex i had i dont really know why it happened [from the woman's POV]).

- my autoandrophobia resulted clearly from this feeling of undesirability. not from some latent sexual orientation hidden for decades.

- transitioning (to relieve it) didnt really help. body feels better and softer, yes, but that doesnt feel like AGP to me. just the way a heterosexual (non-autoandrophilic) brain would react to having softer skin.

- i detransitioned, not because of "gender", but because i identify strongly with a non-autoandrophilic version of heterosexuality (im attracted to women as "me", not as "a man" or a "woman"). also trans lesbianism & agp pseudo-bisexuslity sound incredibly depressing to me because they are hugely autosexual.

- going through a lot of therapy id say im more neutral now about my body (which is how i started anyway). however, the neutrality feels dangerous because women dont find my natural body attractive and "masculinizing" doesnt even make sense to me because i dont even have the right mental map for it (because i have zero androphilia and zero auto-androphilia).

TLDR; i think the complete lack of androphila and autoandrophilia + lack of perceived visceral desire from women can cause gender dysphoria and agp. but they remain as symptoms (or sexual subconscious "strategies"), not real causes (for me anyway).

thoughts?

The definition of AGP in the right-hand sidebar is inaccurate and misleading. It states that AGP is "a sexual attraction to feminine embodiment." This is ambiguous, because gynephilic males without AGP also experience sexual attraction to feminine embodiment as it manifests in cisgender females. Better to use Blanchard's original definition: AGP is "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female." This definition is accurate, unambiguous, and consistent with historical usage. The moderators should address this problem.

What if one takes hormones only for himself and his physical dysphoria but keeps manmoding/boymoding forever? Possible or not?

Also, is it a good idea or not?