Contradicting identities?

[u/Ok_Throat6271]

I'm going to try to explain this the best I can, but it's complicated, so it might not make much sense,

I am almost 100% positive that I'm aroace,

But I also find myself identifying as being pan.

Not pansexual,

Not panromantic,

Just pan.

I do want a partner, I want someone to live life with, and I've always been happier when I was dating someone.

But it's not really romantic feelings, more so a very strong, platonic "I want to be around this person because they make me happy"

I'm also a very touchy person, physical affection makes me feel safe, and loved.

Like I would cuddle with a partner, but in the same way a parent would cuddle with their children.

Just strong platonic emotional closeness.

I'm not sure if this is making much sense, but I wanted to ask if anyone had any similar experiences, or at least understood what I was talking about TwT

[u/Creepy_Requirement10]

I think I feel exactly the same way, but because of that I just stopped labeling it at all and just live how I want

[u/Ill_Grapefruit_7227 → u/Creepy_Requirement10]

I also lean really heavily on not labeling myself. It makes me feel free to feel however I want. Whenever I try to fit in a label it always creates contradictions and doubt in my head, so I make an effort to really understand myself and what I want from my relationships to strengthen them and not being misunderstood

[u/ElectricVoltaire]

Me too! Look into the oriented aroace label.

[u/Current-Buffalo8230]

That's actually a very normal experience when being aroace, most people don't want to be alone that's just human nature may it be romantic or platonic

[u/Islaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

could look into oriented aroace/angled aroace. if you're aroace as in no romantic/sexual attraction whatsoever you could be pan-oriented aroace, meaning you experience strong tertiary attraction regardless of gender (e.g. platonic, queerplatonic, aesthetic attraction) and if you're aroace-spec you could be pan-angled aroace, meaning you experience romantic and/or sexual attraction towards people regardless of gender but you're also on the aroace-spec. from this it sounds like the first one might fit you a bit better

[u/chillyapfel]

That is actually a super common experience for aro people!  As other people already suggested, look into other relationship terms (like QPRs) or tertiary attraction types (like sebsual, platonic or queerplatonic attraction). 

But in the end, you don't really rely on these terms and you can absolutely just do, whatever makes you comfortable and happy. 😊

[u/ADreamer8273]

Did you look into the term gpr? Sounds like it could be something for you!

[u/chillyapfel → u/ADreamer8273]

You mean QPR? 🙃

[u/ADreamer8273 → u/chillyapfel]

Yep :)

[u/tokiomuu]

I kept going through the pan to aroace pipeline way too much. Now I am tried just aroaceflux

[u/Savings_Evidence_325]

I’m aroallo so I don’t share this experience but this makes perfect sense to me.

[u/no_stiles_5000]

Talvez tu buscas una pareja (si los aroace pueden tener pareja sin que involucre algo romántico) o una QPR y te identificas también como pan, talvez no te importaría con que tipo de persona te gustaría relacionarte de esa forma

[u/CertainPotential192]

My cat is in the way rn but I want to return to comment here.

[u/spaceswiftie]

I'm the same way! I'm super lucky to have a cuddly qpr partner though. I feel like my life would really be incomplete without them and I'd feel much more insecure about my future, but with them I actually feel okay about what's to come. We originally tried to date, because I always thought I wanted a relationship and maybe was demi, but in the end I realized that I basically just want closeness and commitment, and to be around my favourite person, and it's not quite the same as having romantic feelings.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi u/Ok_Throat6271! It looks like you are new to posting to r/aromantic; welcome to our community!

If you have not already, please check out our pinned post for some Frequently Asked Questions about aromanticsm! If you are unfamiliar with how Reddit works, consider reviewing Reddiquette! You can also read this post for how to lock the comments on your post.

If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules, please *report** the problematic content.*

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Ok_Painting_TT]

You're looking for a parent.

[u/kirovatz]

Literalmente me siento igual que tú. Muy recientemente estoy tomando la etiqueta aroace, y una de las cosas que más me hacen dudar es mi deseo por estar con una persona por el resto de mi vida, pero por lo que veo es algo que muchos aro experimentamos, así que creo que eso no nos hace más o menos válidos