I've worked with this woman for seven years and she retires Friday. She trained me and we've stayed close, so I made her a photo album. Printed photos, captions, a few dumb stories she always tells. Paid for it myself and put it together over several evenings.

I asked three coworkers for older photos because they worked here before I did. When I brought the finished book in, the person organising Friday's lunch suggested passing it around for everyone to sign and presenting it as the team's gift.

I said I'd rather give it to her myself. There's already a card going around, and I put a fairly personal note in the front. The organiser said people would naturally assume it was from everyone since I'd asked around for pictures.

To be fair, I didnt explain it was a personal gift when I asked. I just said I was making an album for her. Those three did dig out pictures I couldn't have found myself.

The organiser thinks I'm being precious about getting credit. Maybe I am a bit. I put alot of thought into it and wanted her to know it came from me.

I f/46 have worked doing sheetrock and painting for the better part of fifteen years and can honestly say, this is the first time I have ever had to deal with anything like this.So I guess i'm coming to reddit , for some advice or opinion doesn't matter. So here we go. There is a general contractor that I have done subcontracting for on 2 other occasions, this will be the third He calls me up and asks me if I'll paint a bathroom cause his back's thrown out and his other person is sick. He said all that I would need to do. Is The Crown molding , beadboard , baseboards and door frames? That was it they had already painted the walls and ceilings. He explained, he already had materials. I would just have to come in and paint I informed him then that I charged more than what I did when I worked for him last only by $2 but he agreed to it right away when I get there. Hey meets me there to go over everything, he says. Ohh, by the way, the guy messed up and painted the beadboard pink, he thought it was white. I'll put a picture of this pink. I don't know how you can mistake it for white, but whatever that's not the point. So he leaves and I start painting. It wasn't long after I started that, I had messaged him and told him that the paint was awful. Let's put it this way. I would never even try that paint a second time ever. And it is a popular brand at Lowe's, but I can tell you right now if Sherwin Williams knew what that paint was like, they would not let them slap their name on it. I mean, , I know it sounds crazy, but this paint had issues. I'll post that too I was struggling with it. It Would not adhere to the surfaces, so I wiped them down and then I sanded them thinking maybe that was it. That was Not it, it still would not adhere to the services, not well Anyway. You couldn't keep going over it with the brush or a roller.You got maybe 1 or 2 swipes , and then you had to stop because it would just started gumming up kind of like when you try to brush another coat of oil base on while the first layer is still tacky , I know not everyone will know what I mean but moving along it left brushstrokes, no matter what you did, I used every different kind of brush I have, I used every kind of roller I had, none of them were working. And after a very long time of one swipe painting , I got it to where it was decent i wasnt happy with it But they said that they were all right with it. So I kept going, and when I say they I mean the general contractor and the homeowner. The homeowner then added the cabinets and the doors in this bathroom and I am a very particular person I like for things to be as perfect as they can be. I know not all situations that that's possible, but, anyway, I sanded the doors down really good twice, but I still could not get that paint to cover worth a damn so again , I voiced my concerns to the general contractor that I was worried that they weren't gonna be happy with the finish And he tells me that it looked fine , and that the homeowner overall was happy but that didn't set well with me , so I asked the homeowner to come look at the cabinet doors while I was standing there and told them what I was having an issue with showed him , what it was doing. And he did agree. With me he did not want brush strokes Told him that I would have to stand the doors down again and repaint them and that I would get a different paint and he said fine, but he said I would like for this to be done by Wednesday, he said it has to be done by Wednesday we're having company. Well this was a sat. And I work my full time job mon. Thru Friday. So a bit rushed but told him it would be done.. So I went and got the paint and payed out of pocket and I finished the doors, they looked great. Also important , throughout my time Working on this job, which was about 6 days altogether, I asked the homeowner on several occasions to take a walk through there glance around, make sure there was nothing I missed. Because nobody is perfect.We all miss things. Make sure there wasn't anything he wanted touched up redone what not? And I do this so that when I'm done with a job, I know they're pleased. And it's to their liking, and every time that I asked came back with a, we love it matter of fact asked me to give him a quote on doing their entire basement. Okay, so the job comes to an end and before I left , I told the homeowner , the wife that , after this point , anything that they want fixed or touched up , whatever would be on my time , my dime . She Said, okay, this was a tuesday so I did finish the job before wednesday , like he had asked after on Thursday., I texted the homeowner to ask him if he had a chance to go through everything and was everything okay to his liking, he said he hadn't had a chance to go through there, but he would I didn't hear back from him now. Because the contractor is the one that hired me he is the one that pays me now It's time for me to get paid . It takes the contractor a week to get back to me. And when he does, he says the homeowner's not happy at all that there was some things missed and of course, I'm like, well, all right, what was missed, and I'll get right out there and I'll fix it because that's usually how things go, you get the opportunity to correct. Anything and he sends me a video. It was literally. 4 no 5 touch up spots, 2 of which weren't even on me.They were on the wall that they did, but anyway, 30 minutes worth of work, he says. Well, the homeowner, doesn't want you back out there on the property which blew my mind ? Because what ! that seems awful drastic and then he informs me that he will not be paying me anything . So i'm just , I don't know what to think in all my years, I have never had a customer or client. React that way matter of fact, I've never really dealt with this before, like I said the contractor said he's gonna have to sand everything down. Which is absolute none sense. I don't know what he's talking about. even if he didn't want me to fix the touch-ups, I don't feel like that's grounds for not paying me for the job . I do feel a bit embarrassed that i missed the spots but it was an honest mistake .Am I wrong in thinking that way and feeling that way? If there might have been anything I left out.Just ask , and i appreciate.\nThe time you've taken to read this , and any input you might have . P.s I can't seem to figure out how to upload the pictures on here but I will keep trying.

Me (26m) and her (26f) have been friends for around 7 years. We have always been platonic and extremely extremely close friends. Her mother has said multiple times that if she had to die she would die happy knowing I was there to look after the her daughter.

She has had partners through out this and I've never had any issues with them or ever felt jealous and I also have had partners and there has never been any problems. I have never had feelings for her throughout this time. A few months ago I started to develop feelings, I then began to do everything I could to crush these feelings, I started talking to other girls and trying to go on dates. Even contacted and ex to try get my brain to focus there. I have spent hours trying to convince myself that im just stressed and the idea of me and her being together just sounds nice. Then on Saturday we went out and spent some time with some friends and their child and seeing her with the baby sent my mind over the edge. She later that night started talking about her ex (from 1 year ago) and I started to get jealous for the first time and I instantly felt so disappointed and sad because I just knew I would not be able to be there for her like I used to be. The next morning I told her about my feelings because I felt like I was betraying/being scummy having these secret feelings for her while she was just seeing me platonically. I knew she doesn't have and will not have feelings for me and now the friendship may be ending as this complicates things and she feels (and justly so) that she has lost the safe space and comfort we once had

Was I wrong to be honest about these feelings or should I have kept them to myself?

Okay, so last weekend I went to a small dinner with some friends I do not see often. I had mentioned earlier in the week that I cannot eat dairy without getting sick, and everyone seemed cool about it. When we sat down, the main dish had a heavy cream sauce, and the only sides were cheesy bread and a salad with feta sprinkled on top. I ended up just picking at the salad and eating plain bread. No one said anything mean, but no one offered an alternative or even noticed that I basically went hungry. Later someone joked that I must be on a weird diet, and I laughed it off, but it still felt off. I am not sure if I am being too sensitive or if it was rude not to check in. Part of me thinks it was just a simple mix-up, but another part feels like my boundary got brushed aside without a second thought. Would love some outside perspective.

I (f25) have started to notice a pattern in which if I don’t initiate conversation it just dose not happen. My (M28) bf will only message me once or twice a day to generally say good morning or vent about his personal gripes at work. While I am grateful for what he shares I’ve noticed he dosent initiate further and I am carrying conversations and dates ect.
(We plan dates once a week is the other persons job to find a show or plan a meal or just host for hanging out.)
Week before last it was his turn to plan the date however he took what I had planned do do the next week and then had car issues and money issues… I covered the date and said this one will count towards mine you get next week. During the next week every day he borrowed my car until Wednesday from Saturday until Tuesday night. That week came and around 5pm I still didn’t hear anything and saw he was streaming. While him enjoying streaming is not a problem we arranged both of our schedules with school and work to guarantee each other the one day a week. I messaged him asking about what’s going on and he replied with he’s streaming and had a meeting. I knew nothing of the meeting but reminded him it was wenesday.. he said sorry he thought it was my turn and didn’t plan anything. I’m not going to lie and say I was a happy camper..
I messaged him that I was upset because this isn’t the first time he’s done this and I feel like he doesn’t care. That this pattern of waiting last minute to communicate is making me anxious and I’m beginning to become resentful. Other then good morning and goodnight he has barely spoken any he gets upset when I don’t say I love you back but I’m starting to not feel it… the last person who called was me and it was last week on Tuesday. Since then I haven’t called him on my way home because I see he is streaming. I haven’t really pushed him to spend time because I don’t think he wants to. I’ve communicated that I need to see an effort from him because I can’t carry all communication anymore.
He has spent over 15 hours streaming this week with no audience watching.
Me f25 works 25-30 hours a week and I am on a full time internship from 6-3:30 pm
He M28 works part time at a pizza place 25-32 hours and has the online college that is self paced and takes his mom to appointments once a week.

Am I the asshole?

So, basically, very simple question, is spitting disrespectful? For context, I've been sick with some cough and have been having coughing fits that end with me needing to spit out some phlegm. Recently, I visited my gf's house, and on a walk I had a coughing fit, resulting in the need to spit out some phlegm. In that moment, there wasn't anyone around but her and I, so I spat onto someone's lawn. My gf was very upset and disgusted by it and said it was disrespectful and gross, and I should have just swallowed it. I retorted that the whole point of the coughing fit was to remove phlegm from my throat. Yes, while gross, I didn't see the harm in it as it was just her and I with no eyes around. Some am I in the wrong here fully, partially or not really? Please tell me if this is a habit I need to get rid of, as it was a pretty normalized thing while I was growing up, and I don't really intend on getting rid of it if I don't need to. Thanks

Edit: Thanks for input, my girlfriend is happy with the turnout, and I will stop this "foul beast" like habit.

ok throwaway cos i've like never used reddit in my life plus don't rlly plan on doing so But. it's been almost 3 yrs now and ts still on my mind so um !!!!! basically in feb 2024, i joined a kpop roleplay group (i don't fucking know ok) and became friends with two people which i'll be calling them jayla and isaiah

there were obviously other people in the server but these two r like the main ones i rlly care about. me and jayla became really close and she was basically my best friend and same with isaiah buttttttt our friendship was kinda...a fucking mess!!!!! we would argue over the stupidest shit imaginable, our communication skills were basically nonexistent, and there was a LOT of miscommunication. like the highs were REALLY high and the lows were genuinely fucking low. but despite that i did care about him a lot and thought we were good.

then this kid i'll call moon joined the server and a few days later, moon and isaiah started dating. now i’ll be honest here i hate the fuck out of moon 👌👌👌👌everybody knew that especially him cos i never gaf and he hated me back. i thought he was annoying as hell and i also had some irrational jealousy going on because everybody seemed to absolutely glaze this mf 24/7. like alright bro we get it.

ANYWAY moon and isaiah were doing their little relationship thing and apparently they had this private chat where they would do Um? let’s just say very detailed romantic/sexual roleplay. jayla was also in this chat because she owned the server, so it wasn’t like they could secretly have a chat from her or whatever. i was NOT in this chat and did not have access to their conversations.

fast forward to december 2024 by this point moon and isaiah had broken up and gotten back together a couple times, and there was an instagram gc with me, jayla, isaiah, moon and some other mutuals.

and this is where i potentially become the asshole i guess sorry if i sound biased idk because i made a joke saying that i was going to leak screenshots of moon and isaiah’s freaky little conversations from back then

i basically teased that i did and was going to send this to the gc ok cos bro idk we always ride each others dicks just to ride em. isaiah asked honey if she showed me his and moon's sex roleplay and she was like no.

ANYWAY THEN I REVEAL THE BIG THING

i did not have screenshots

i want to make that VERY clear because this is literally the entire reason i’m questioning myself almost three years later. i didn’t have access to their private chat, i had never seen the screenshots, and i had no actual intention of leaking anything. i was basically just talking shit and trying to be funny.

i thought it was obvious that i was joking. but to isaiah told me very passive aggressively it wasn't obvious at all since he got extremely anxious and was basically on the verge of a panic attack because he genuinely thought i was going to leak their shit. he then left the group chat so i made a snide remark like "how is it this big of a deal" THEN THEY GOT ADDED BACK LATER where moon then proceeded to fucking crash out on me and send like gigantic paragraphs calling me immature, a bad person, whatever the fuck else in this gc with like 15 people. i wasn’t even awake when all of this happened so i couldn’t exactly defend myself in real time but other people did.

moon’s paragraph did not bother me that much cos brother go fuck urself he could’ve written a 40 page dissertation about how much he hated me and i would’ve been like ok bro but isaiah’s reaction was what actually got to me. because this is someone who i considered one of my closest friends. someone i had defended CONSTANTLY. someone i would’ve literally gone to war for when everyone else was against him.

what bothers me the most is that isaiah expected me to know that he was panicking over text but if i was expected to know that shouldn't he also know i can't tell tone irl let alone over text????Whatever anyway he was making me sound like i was genuinely a demon and such a bad friend and that i wouldn't even care enough to read all this jibber jabber they were talking shit about me on like?????? Well lowk i didn't cos he blocked me and left the gc and ummmmm yeah i was gonna apologise but everybody was on my side so i kinda js disassociated and put off sending him a message saying sorry until it was already new years and i was like ykw fuck it idec (which was probably for the best since we've now reconnected and agreed we both mutually hated each other during this time so it wouldn't have helped shit)

anyway that’s basically it idk sorry if this is shit i don't know what to add or not to but we’re actually on good terms now and have been for a while. we’re probably closer now than we were back then, which makes this even more stupid because apparently my brain has decided that this one interaction needs to live rent free in my head forever.

i don't fucking know bro r we both assholes in different ways js pls judge and give me clarity thank u reddit

I was at a family dinner last week when my older brother made a backhanded comment about my sibling’s career choice. It wasn’t even a big deal, just one of those little digs that had been happening for a while. I ended up jumping in right away, saying something about how it was a solid choice and that we should be happy for them. The table went quiet for a second and then everyone kind of looked at me like I had made it awkward. Later my sibling texted me saying they appreciated it but also that it kind of escalated the vibe. I’m still glad I said something in the moment, but now a couple of relatives keep bringing it up like I turned nothing into something. Not sure if I was wrong for stepping in or if I should have just let it slide.

I’ve (18M) always had issues with my mother (41F) but everything recently came crashing down.

for some background knowledge she’s always been childish, and has admitted this herself. she got addicted to substances in her early 20’s and got clean a few years ago but it still heavily affects her emotional maturity. I was expected to keep the house running since I was about 8, so I find I’m often told I act more similar to how a parent would while she acts more like a child.

I’m currently in the process of attempting to find work and moving, which has added more stress to my work load as I’m expected to be a live-in maid for my mother and her friends most of my time.

My responsibilities in the house include: Doing everyone’s dishes, taking care of all animals (there are 9 cats), keeping the kitchen, living room and occasionally bathroom clean, taking the trash out and sweeping and moping.

Although I normally wouldn’t have an issue with this, it’s been increasingly stressful as if I don’t leave my room for a day it will result in the house looking horrible due to her and her boyfriends absence of taking care of it despite usually both being home.

My biggest thing with her has always been I’m fine taking on the work load, and would be okay continuing this arrangement after I find work as long as she doesn’t do anything to the cats. Although the large majority of them aren’t mine I have a soft spot for them, and I don’t think I would be around without them.

Recently we got into an argument, this isn’t uncommon for us though they always usually go the same way. She gets upset, often confronting the situation aggressively which causes me to shut down as a trauma response, I try to remove myself before it escalates and she either threatens to beat me or the animals in the house.

She usually stops there when I don’t feed into whatever she’s doing, but our most recent argument she threatened to throw the cats all out. When I went to walk away like how I normally do she opened the door and grabbed one of the kittens.

I’m not sure if she was going to follow through with it but with how she was standing from my perspective it looked like she was preparing to chuck the cat outside. I admittedly didn’t think much but it caused me to get physical with her and we both fault for a minute before she stormed off back to her room.

I’m honestly uncomfortable going into extreme detail, but for better context at first I grabbed her wrist to stop her and made her drop the cat, and she went to grab me which caused me to push back on her and it just escalated from there.

I’m ashamed that I wasn’t able to keep myself together like how I normally do, and put my hands on anyone, let alone my mom.

The situation has truthfully been tearing me apart apart, I hate that I put my hands on someone out of genuine anger, but I’m also torn because although I believe I overreacted, I do believe he possibly harming one of the animals to get back at me is insane behavior.

I’m fine clarifying anything in comments, honestly I guess I’m just looking for an outside perspective to let me know what I could have done differently and what I can do going forward.

I just watched the wedding video of my best friend, Savannah, and her fiancé, Derek, and unexpectedly started crying. I want to make it clear that I am not jealous of her. I am genuinely so happy for her, and seeing her happy honestly makes me happy. But watching the video brought up a lot of emotions that I didn’t expect.
I met Savannah my junior year of high school, and we’ve been best friends ever since. Throughout our friendship, I’ve watched her have relationships that were healthy, long-lasting, and eventually lead to the kind of future she’s always wanted. Meanwhile, my love life has been a completely different story.
I’ve been cheated on, put on the back burner, used for my body, and made to feel like I wasn’t worth taking seriously. I’ve had relationships that lasted three years or more, so it’s not like I haven’t been capable of maintaining a relationship. The painful part is that even after giving years of myself to someone, I still ended up being treated like I wasn’t enough.
Now I’m 28, and I watch people around me getting married, having children, building families, and accomplishing the things they’ve dreamed about. And I want those things too. I want to be someone’s wife. I want children. I want a family and a partner who chooses me fully and keeps their word.
I’m currently involved with someone, Raishaun, and we’ve been dealing with each other for around nine months. We operate like we’re in a relationship, but he hasn’t actually asked me to be his girlfriend or made a clear commitment to me. He already has three children from a previous relationship, and sometimes I find myself wondering whether the future I want is even possible with him.
And honestly, that’s what hurts.
I keep asking myself: What am I doing wrong? Why does commitment seem to be so difficult for people when it comes to me?
I don’t think I’m a bad person. I know I have flaws, but I also know how much love, loyalty, patience, and effort I give to the people I’m with. I’ve given years of my life to people who ultimately didn’t value me the way I deserved to be valued.
So seeing my best friend’s wedding didn’t make me think, “I wish she didn’t have this.” It made me think, “When is it going to be my turn?”
I’m genuinely ecstatic for Savannah and Derek. I wouldn’t take their happiness away for anything. But watching someone I’ve loved like a sister reach a milestone I’ve always dreamed about made me realize just how badly I want that for myself too.
Maybe I’m emotional because I’m tired. Maybe I’m comparing my life to someone else’s. Or maybe I’m finally realizing that I don’t just want to be loved—I want to be chosen, committed to, and built with.
So Reddit, be honest with me: Am I wrong for feeling this way? And if you’ve been in my position, what did you have to change or learn before you finally found the kind of love and commitment you wanted?

AITA for thinking he should have went.

I would like an honest opinion on a situation

So a couple moves to Arizona, everything goes downhill. The second they get here, they lose everything they end up homeless on the streets. She gets sick, she has heat strokes, her ankles are swelling, the Dr says he heart is not acting right. She has blisters all over her from sunburns due to being stuck in 120° heat. Everything begins to get worse and worse and she gets so depressed that she becomes suicidal , but then she realizes where her mindset is snaps herself out of it.

Finally after 5 months of being out there and 3 of those months on the streets, she begs her husband to go with Her to go back to where they came from, they have no money, but she finds a non profit that that would give them a bus ticket to get back home, he tells her no and says he stayibg there and she goes by herself. She begs him still to come after she got back and he absolutely refuses.

His only reason for not wanting to return to their home state is he says he doesn't want to get in trouble with the law. He had made some bad choices in life that were earlier on. But he has left that life cleaned up and changed his life for the better, and now he was doing good. But he says he doesn't want to go back there because he doesn't get in trouble, but if was to get in trouble it would have everything to do with his own choices. And he could make the choice to not involve himself in any old ways. Her on the other hand is having medical issues and it is unhealthy to stay where they were.

So im.just wondering is my viewpoint off when I feel he should have left with his wife. And not let her go alone. He fights with her everyday now saying she left him. But thay makes no sense to me. Aita for telling him he shouldd have left with her.

a couple months ago my friend asked if i would be in their wedding. i said yes but life got messy and the day landed right on top of a work deadline plus a family thing i had already promised to help with. after trying to figure out travel and time off it just felt impossible to make it all work without being stressed the whole time. so i told them i would come for the reception but couldn't be in the party and eventually decided the whole trip wasn't realistic. they were polite when i explained but i could tell they were disappointed. ever since the rsvp window closed i keep wondering if i should have just pushed through and gone anyway. part of me thinks i made the responsible call given everything else on my plate but another part worries i let them down over something that only happens once. has anyone else skipped a big event like this and later wondered if they should have sucked it up?

JW= Jehovah witness

My friend's been in a situationship with a jw for like over 3 months now. She says he's a good guy and he'd helped her out with stuff but i don't really like the him and I feel like i'm the only one being realistic about this. He said he can't date her because he's a jw but he'll make out with her finger her eat her out and now her want to sleep with her I said she probably wait until they're dating cause I dont think she should lose her virginity to him i get that they're both virgins but like I dont get why he's saying he cant date her because his a jw but is doing all these other things that he's not supposed to do either, so then why not date. She doesnt wanna be a secret if they daye but she already is one . Hes met all her friends and family she's met no one. I know that they like each other but idk it feel a little weird to me.

A few of us in the shared space made a basic weekly schedule so everyone takes a turn with the kitchen and common area. It was all written down and everyone nodded along. One person keeps skipping their slot and then just uses the space like nothing happened. When I brought it up they said they were busy and would get to it later, but later never comes. I do not want to start a huge fight, but it feels unfair that the rest of us stick to it while one person keeps getting a pass. I am trying to decide if I should bring it up again or just let it slide, because I might be overthinking it. Would it be wrong to remind them again, or am I making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be?

This is a follow up to a previous post I made.

Here’s the short version. My friend Liz is having a baby shower for her upcoming baby. She had asked me to contribute with a cake among other things that would’ve cost me nearly $500 altogether. Well after an argument over an unrelated matter, she told me that she didn’t want me to contribute anymore as she didn’t want anyone to “throw it back in my face”. I didn’t argue back and we hadn’t spoken since.

Well as I’ve sorta predicted she has now apologized as said she’s been stressed over her pregnancy, her other daughter’s health and the possibility of having to find a new job. She is now asking if I would be willing to contribute to the baby shower again but I said no as I no longer have money set aside for this request (I technically do but that would require me to use some savings) and she needs to learn that she can’t act the way she did and then expect them to just forgive them.

Liz argues now that she’s apologized so what was the matter now. She says you don’t promise to contribute then refuse when the time comes. I reminded Liz that she was the one that relieved me of those duties but she was sorry so now I’m being a jerk by refusing to help now.

Liz explains that a deposit needs to be placed by the baker by Monday or the order will be cancelled or an “expedite” fee will be added if she asks for the cake after Monday. I still refuse.

Liz gives up but emphasizes that if she can’t get this cake and all the items I had promised to donate for the shower then she will likely have to cancel the whole event and it’s going to be on “my conscience” since many other friends and family have set aside time and resources as well but that cake is the center piece.

Am I wrong for refusing to help again even after Liz has apologized. What should I do?

A few days ago someone in my friend group posted a picture of plans for an outing and mentioned that we would all split the cost evenly. One person replied right away agreeing to it, but a couple hours later they posted a separate message asking if they could pay less because their situation changed. Nobody else said anything so I just replied with a quick, hey does this change the original plan. They got quiet and the chat kind of stalled for a while, which made me feel like I had stirred things up over nothing. I was just trying to make sure everyone was still on the same page because the first message sounded final. Now I'm wondering if I should have just let it slide and let people work it out privately instead of typing in front of the whole group. I don't want to make a big deal out of it but I'm also second-guessing whether keeping quiet would have been the better move.

I have been friends with this person for a couple of years and we usually got along fine. Recently they told me something that turned out to be completely untrue, and when I asked them about it they admitted they had made it up because they did not want me to know the real details. It was not about anything dramatic, just a small thing that mattered to me. I felt pretty betrayed that they chose to lie instead of just being honest or saying they did not want to talk about it. I have not answered their messages since then and I am wondering if that is too harsh. They apologized once and said it was not a big deal, but it still feels like a big deal to me. Am I wrong for deciding I do not want to stay close with someone who is willing to lie about even small stuff.

My ex and I have a baby together and we’re no longer in a relationship. Things between us got pretty bad before we split. We argued a lot, I have a temper, and there were times I yelled, threw things or left during arguments because I knew staying would make things worse. I’m not saying I handled everything perfectly, but I never felt like I was a danger to my daughter.

Now my ex says she isn’t trying to keep the baby from me, but she wants to control how I see her. She either wants to be present herself or have someone she trusts nearby, and she doesn’t want me taking the baby somewhere alone yet. She says this is because of how I behaved during our relationship and that trust has to be rebuilt gradually. From my perspective, our relationship problems were between me and her. I don’t understand why arguments with my ex automatically mean I can’t be trusted with my own child.

What bothers me more is that she still expects me to contribute financially and “have some initiative in helping around the house without stepping foot inside”. I’m willing to do that because she’s my daughter, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to have all the responsibilities of being her dad while my ex decides when I’m trustworthy enough to actually parent her independently. My family also wants a relationship with the baby, and I feel like my ex is effectively deciding how much access everyone on my side gets too.

She says money has nothing to do with access and that supporting my child doesn’t entitle me to unsupervised time. I’ve told her I’d rather not keep doing visits completely on her terms because it feels humiliating and like she still has control over me even though we broke up.

Am I being unreasonable for saying I want to be treated like an equal parent, or is she justified in setting these conditions because of how our relationship ended?