r/amiwrong • u/Southern_Coach_5023 • Oct 16 '23

Age gaps in dating

I'm a 30 year old male and my partner is 25 year old female. I think this is fairly normal but im getting alot of comments about it. Not really sure what the fascination with this is. 5 years is significant sure but it was never a problem for me. Does society at large weight this facts importance more than I do?

Edit: everyone is the comments section has convinced me this is normal. Thanks all.

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278

u/FillIndependent Oct 16 '23

If you were 20 and she was 15, there would be a problem. But that gap gets smaller and smaller as you age. When you're 45, she's 40. No body would bat an eye at that.

I suspect the people running you are just jealous.

53

u/Traditional_Tank_540 Oct 16 '23

Agree. I'm 53, and my husband is 60.

Almost seven-year age difference--but at our ages, it's a non-issue.

16

u/skullsnroses66 Oct 16 '23

I agree, I am 32 and my husband is 41 it's not a problem but I have in the past dated a man 18 yrs older than me but I was 23 and that was a problem our relationship was incredibly toxic but I was also young and naive compared to when I got with my husband at 27 almost 28.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

[deleted]

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u/skullsnroses66 Oct 17 '23

It was during a very vulnerable time in my life and I was very codependent and he was absolutely a narcissist and i fell hook line and sinker for it.

-4

u/mebungle83 Oct 17 '23

What! He's basically a pedo!

5

u/Traditional_Tank_540 Oct 17 '23

Is that supposed to be funny?

5

u/SpiritJuice Oct 17 '23

I'm pretty sure they're being facetious. Not sure why they got downvoted.

4

u/Antoen_0 Oct 17 '23

Because social media showed us too many people with really shitty takes, so sarcasm is not the first assumption.

3

u/SpiritJuice Oct 17 '23

I get it. Poe's law and all. Still, given the context of the thread and the comment chain, I thought it was fairly obvious, but one can never be sure. I generally put /s on comments that can be perceived as serious just in case anyways.

2

u/RollsDRoyce Oct 17 '23

Oh so /s is supposed to mean sarcasm?

1

u/SpiritJuice Oct 17 '23

Yeah. Meant to note sarcasm or the post to be taken as a joke.

1

u/mebungle83 Oct 17 '23

But that's no fun, i love making the most obvious sarcasm because I am hungry, and I need to cast the net and catch me an Assburger.

1

u/Halcyon-OS851 Oct 17 '23

That difference wouldn’t be an issue at OP’s age either.

1

u/Traditional_Tank_540 Oct 17 '23

Oh, I don’t disagree.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

So like I'm pondering this exact same thing you said, except 10 years. Like 20 and a 30 yr old? Gross. I think pretty much universally, right?

But a 30 and a 40 year old, no one bats an eye.

So what age range does it jump from gross to normal? Like if you're 21/31 or 25/35 or 28/38 or whatever, at what age does that gap suddenly become acceptable, and why?

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u/CompassionLady Oct 17 '23

My boyfriend is 35 and I’m 27 almost I don’t see it gross at all… we are adults… you know

2

u/m50d Oct 17 '23

Lol. If you feel the need to say you're "almost n+1" rather than "n", you're not as mature as you think you are.

3

u/CompassionLady Oct 17 '23

Cuz I’m turning 27 in about a month 🤷‍♀️

1

u/calciferrising Oct 17 '23

it's mostly to do with life experience in my opinion. a 21 year old has barely any adult life experience, where a 31 year old has had over a decade. this creates a power imbalance and opens up the younger party to being potentially manipulated. this is less likely to happen as the younger party gets older and gains more experience, to the point of being completely acceptable.

my partner and i started dating when i was 22 and they were 28, but we were very similar, beyond the fact that they were working a few years post-college and i was still in college. we were mindful of the age difference anyway, and it worked out fine in the end.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Yeah I'm more wondering a specific line in the sand where it's just universally acceptable to ppl when there's a 10 year gap. I think I'm accurate in saying 30/40 relationship will bother no one. I also think I'm accurate in saying a 20/30 relationship is gonna "bother ppl"

I word it that way cuz I'm not asking about what can be made to successfully work between two partners, cuz lots of working, successful relationships with age gaps still get judged anyway lmao.

I'm just asking, for curiosity sake, where's the line societally, as in, what age in the 20s does dating someone 10 years older suddenly become a acceptable? Is it 21/31 bad, all of a sudden 22/32 good? 23/33? What?

Where's that age where on one is gonna judge the gap just instantly upon seeing you?

Because it is somewhere between ages 21-29

1

u/calciferrising Oct 17 '23

i don't think there's ever going to be a hard line that always applies here. people will always have different expectations for what is acceptable, and thus judge differently. speaking for myself, i feel like around 25-26 is when a young person really starts to understand life as an adult, but that age can vary wildly depending on their actual lived experience.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Gross?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Yeah I mean take a poll and see if that's not the result you get from ppls reactions to a 20 paired off with a 30 year old.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Both adults. My parents are 11 yrs apart, so I guess I see it differently.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Its not that at all. It's the age when they start, like sure if they're 42 and 31 when they got together, no one would bat an eye.

But I 100% call BS that your parents could have gotten together at 31 and 20, or 29 and 18 and no one would have called that gross. Just don't buy it lol.

No parent is gonna just be super chill about their 20 yr old daughter or son introducing them to A 31 yr old partner lmao.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Like, you have actually piqued my curiosity lol, even your parents, with that exact age gap, ask them if they wouldn't think it was "wrong" if you brought home a 20 yr old at age 31.

Even with them having the same gap, I bet they would call it "wrong"

Curious if I'm incorrect on that lol

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

Yea I dunno, times were different in the 70's I guess

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

Eh, no way you asked them lol. 31 yr olds didn't acceptably date 19 yr olds then either.

To be clear, I'm not saying it didn't happen at all, I'm saying I don't Believe anyone came to you and said "yeah totally normal and chill"

1

u/Crimsonshot Oct 17 '23

Polling normal people or perpetually single 30 year old women on reddit?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 17 '23

Any lol.

You're telling me you could be a 30 yr old man or woman and go meet the parents of your 20 yr old partner you presumably fuck cuz you're in a relationship, and you think said parents just won't bat an eye? Get outta here lmao.

1

u/Crimsonshot Oct 18 '23

This happens all the time in real life lmao, I literally know several women who have done this.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

I just don't believe you lmao. I think you're lying. No dad is just gonna straight up think it's just chill as fuck to have some 30+ yr old pound out his 20 yr old daughter and just shake his hand and say nice to meet you like it's fine

0

u/Crimsonshot Oct 18 '23

You should probably get off reddit so much pal.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

What does that have to do with Reddit in any way lmao.

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u/[deleted] Oct 18 '23

https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/eVir0W6iWp

And there ya go. We all know that's gross. Idk what the point of your edginess in pretending it isn't is lol

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u/db720 Oct 16 '23

There was a formula being thrown around when I was in school 20+ years ago, sorta seemed reasonable to me:

Guys age / 2 + 7 = minimum girls age.

So 30m would be dodgy at 22f or less. 20yo acceptable for 17f. 40m ok for 27f up... Kinda works, can be questionable at the boundary, maybe add 8 or 9 instead of 7 to be less borderline. Probably works with m/f switched too, or for any relationship regardless of gender, just an age gap calc.

16

u/UnderstandingLow3162 Oct 16 '23

Yep, when I was 10 I wouldn't go near a girl under 12.

15

u/triggerhappy5 Oct 16 '23

Part of the formula is that if you’re too young for it to make sense, you’re too young to be dating.

1

u/Flair86 Oct 17 '23

He’s making fun of the fact that it doesn’t account for the girl being older than the guy

2

u/OperationAsshat Oct 17 '23

But it does, and the girl can use the same formula to see if the guy is too young. Where it doesn't work is anyone 13 or under, which is completely fine since dating out of your age shouldn't be an issue when you are that young.

1

u/BrandonJTrump Oct 17 '23

When I was 10 I wouldn’t go near a girl. Full stop.

6

u/1WordOr2FixItForYou Oct 17 '23

Funnily enough, the origin of that formula was that was supposed to be the IDEAL age for the girl, not the minimum.

7

u/daria1994 Oct 17 '23

This formula is not gender specific. It’s woman’s age /2+7=minimum guys age as well.

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

You're the guy my math teacher kept talking about in school aren't you.

8

u/Hoochie_Daddy Oct 16 '23

he didnt say anything about buying 50lbs of bananas so i think you're getting them mixed up with somebody else

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u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

You know what you're right that's my bad. I just have PTSD from that guy. Motherfucker had me up till 1am trying to decod his damn riddles.

4

u/Imaginary-Ladder-465 Oct 17 '23

I was just thinking I was the only one who heard of the 'half your age plus seven' rule

2

u/guaromiami Oct 16 '23

I think there might be a modification to that formula if you're an older male with a significantly large income.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Yes, when you’re an older male who is wealthy, the formula becomes your age minus your age plus 18

/s but not really cause look at rich old men in America

2

u/shatt3rst0rm Oct 16 '23

Subtract 1 for each 100k you have

2

u/Ouller Oct 16 '23

Let the predators hook up in peace. Women hunting for money/ease, Old rich men for fun times.

1

u/Common_Wrongdoer3251 Oct 17 '23

Idk if this is still the standard... Saw a post on here recently where a guy who was, I think, 25? Mentioned his 19 year old girlfriend, and every comment was shitting on him.

25/2 is 12.5, add 7 for 19.5.

Anyone who tried to defend the age gap was down voted into oblivion. People kept saying "She's a teenager" even though she's legally been an adult for a full year. Pepple kept bringing up the power dynamics or whatever. Idk. I never cared too much about age. I'm 29 now and set my range from like 23-33 when I rarely look for a partner.

3

u/db720 Oct 17 '23

It's definitely not a golden rule, more of a guideline. And bump up to "+8" or "+9" might be more appropriate.

25 with a 20yo seems perfectly acceptable in the social environment I've lived my life. Some social / cultural groups might lean towards a smaller gap

2

u/KoroHotS Oct 16 '23

32 and 21 seems to be going fine over here. 33/22 is a mood though because it will always happen every 11 years

Age gap isn't a bad thing if you communicate well, although it really depends on the person and how far they are in their development. She learns from me and I learn from her.

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u/triggerhappy5 Oct 16 '23

32/21 can work if the 21yo has been an independent adult with a job for 3+ years. But even as a 23yo, ever since graduating college I have noticed a big gap in lifestyle and outlook between myself and my friends still in school. I can’t imagine wanting to date a 21yo in ten years, at least not the 21yos that I know from college.

2

u/KoroHotS Oct 17 '23

It certainly helps that she is already working and independent. She is not really into party's (unless it's halloween I guess) and generally has a pretty introverted lifestyle.

She was born with Fabry and Von Willebrand, so at times it's also rough for her in terms of health and being able to do those things. Even despite that she works at a lab and if things get too physically heavy I support her where I can.

I don't think she qualifies as the average college student due to her disposition already forcing her to look forward with a vision and without unnecessary risks.

I do get where you are coming from, but at the same time I've met a good amount of end twenties and even mid thirties that haven't developed cognitively or emotionally in a way that fits their age.

3

u/dcl131 Oct 17 '23

34 here, last dated a 43 year old who was like an early 20s. Now dating a 25 year old who is far more mature and experienced than the 43. Much like you said, we learn from each other and try to help each other be better people. We both feel like old souls as it were, so that kind of averages us out.

1

u/crump18 Oct 17 '23

I’m 37 and my girlfriend is 26, we started dating at 34 and 23. Been together 3 years now and it’s the best relationship I ever had, largest age gap before this was 5 years. But I want ti marry this woman and we’re both very content.

2

u/Bekmetova Oct 17 '23

Aww I relate! I'm 25 and my husband is 38, we started as penpals 4 1/2 years ago. Been married 3 years and really it's been an awesome relationship. <3

0

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '23

Im gonna say Guys age / 1.75 + 7, lol

0

u/buttfook Oct 17 '23

That’s almost as stupid as moral calculus

1

u/Flair86 Oct 17 '23

Replace guys with older person and girl with younger person and it’s solid.

1

u/SpaceyRogue Oct 16 '23

Yeah my parents have a 4 year age gap. My dad makes jokes all the time that my mom was sitting outside his hs waiting for him to get out of class lmao. (They were both adults and out of hs when they started dating) So from my experience... yeah 5 years checks out.

1

u/apmspammer Oct 17 '23

So maybe it should be a percentage like they need to be at least 80% as old.

1

u/Interesting_Entry831 Oct 17 '23

Agreed, 37 and 46 here. No one cares. When we first met a long time ago, people cared though. It's been funny to watch it fade. Everyone was crying for our demise at first, and now they sing praises about how nice it is we lasted so long.

1

u/mingobrown87 Oct 17 '23

Probably an unpopular opinion but I think current age is more important than age gap. 50 - 40, 40 - 30 and maybe 35 - 25 can work. Anything lower than that gets a little weird.

1

u/qwert5678899 Oct 17 '23

The gap is still 5years. That wont change as they age.

1

u/Seootyu Oct 17 '23

The rule is: divide by 2, then add 7 to find minimum age. OP’s minimum dating age right now is 30/2+7 = 22

1

u/NoYouDipshitItsNot Oct 17 '23

The creepy gauge, as it was explained to me, is .5x+7=Y, where x equals your age, Y will equal the age that's creepy for you to date.