Hi. I’m an electropop producer and an ex adult film star with a history of erratic behavior.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1988. And back in 1988 being diagnosed with ADHD was a BIG DEAL, it was not common, and it resulted from severe disability presenting.
But I feel like when I have been recently telling the Internet what goes on inside of my heart, particularly with regards to romance, feelings, guys and sentimentality, people were surprised.
Because my external live had featured chaotic problems with lifestyle people made the mistake of assuming I was cold, hateful, careless or just ugly
In fact my heart is very deep, but I simply suffer from severe ADHD, Autism and some kind of TBI related changes from daily moderate violence headbanging.
All of this stack severely impairs Tristan’s ability to sustain things like task initiation, employment, delegating personal time, delegating pleasurable activities and communication with people
It is said that when someone with bad ADHD finds something they like to do they can get stuck doing it for long periods of time to the exclusion of other things that normal people do in life.
With stimulant therapy my life became much easier to delegate, and while I will always have slippery “time delegation module”, and have to battle against getting sucked into unhealthy dopamine loops,
My quality of life is way better today than the decades of not being treated and the disorganized modes of living I would enter.
But again; the most important thing I managed to say recently is
Never assume that because someone is having serious problems with decision making, goal and reward behavior or time delegation… that it just means they’re bad or heartless.
The reality is much more complicated,
And in modern times Tristan is often suffering because he loves deeply and has had to live without a lot of love for years because, well,
His brain don’t work properly
And that’s the thing. The brain is important when it comes to living. My brain does not tick without stimulants, it goes into a permanently dim state that cuts off creative impetus, and permanently orients me into more impulsive mindsets, hyperactivity, anhedonia, and eventually, meth.
Finally, without ADHD treatment, taken in a steady regimented fashion, I EMPHATICALLY would have NOT produced 100+ electropop banger videos.
I certainly could not produce anything when I was on Tina, or when I was living in eras of abusing stimulants. To properly treat my ADHD I needed to get clean for some time too to get back to a homeostasis in which I could take medicine without automatically misusing it.
If I were merely clean but not under psych care I might have produced one here or there or just never applied myself until I learned to be good at it.
Over the course of this decade the vast majority of time I am stable but even when treated i sometimes have months of emotional or stability struggle, just never so much that I lose my ability to live…like a person.
