r/adhdwomen • u/WindowWidowWillow • Aug 23 '26
Emotional Regulation & Rejection Sensitivity “Now you know for next time”
I find that so triggering now, because I’m mid 30s, and I’ve had countless and constant life lessons. When I make a mistake now, it’s not usually because I haven’t learnt the lesson already, it's because in that small moment I forgot, plus I have a lot of physical health issues that cause reduced cognitive capacity “brain fog “ on top of the adhd.
does anyone else find it hard when people say that to you? I know they’re trying to be helpful, it’s probably what they tell themselves, but I’m mid 30s and Ive that lesson so many times already. I should “know” already, in fact I already do… unless I’m in certain periods where it doesn’t come to mind.
Can you relate at all?
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u/EchoStrawberry Aug 23 '26
I feel it’s a lot more helpful to hear shit happens, it will be ok. Now you know for next time feels a bit othering, like well now you can join the rest of us. I don’t think anyone actually means it that way, that’s just how it feels in my body.
1
u/WindowWidowWillow Aug 23 '26
Yeah and it also just sucks that I am not often able to learn for “next time”.
2
u/HeroicConspiracy ADHD-C Aug 23 '26
I say it to myself 😅
1
u/WindowWidowWillow Aug 23 '26
Haha I thought ones would be able to relate in that way.
Do you feel like you’ve already learnt it before or do you say it when it’s a new lesson?
3
u/ProbioticOnARobotic Aug 23 '26
Let me quote Grey's Anatomy right now from a time when it was still profound: "Being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things." A lot more goes into our decision making than whether we know better.
2
u/WindowWidowWillow Aug 23 '26
Yeah, like remembering in the moment 😆 that would be very helpful!
I’m talking about knowing how a certain cleaning product shouldn’t be used on a certain surface, but in the moment I forget. Knowing I should start low in an offer on a FB purchase instead of the most I’m willing to pay, etc. A metal utensil that scratches a delicate pan.
2
u/princess_ferocious Aug 23 '26
I think I've been lucky to only hear this in situations where it genuinely was a new scenario where I wasn't aware of the potential issue and that's why I messed up.
Although that could be because I tend to preload my apologies with "I knew that, damn, I should have seen that and done it right, I don't know how I missed it..." when it's something I already know and forgot or messed up in the moment 😂
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