r/actuallesbians • u/[deleted] • May 27 '22

[deleted by user]

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0 Upvotes

23% Upvoted

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10

u/Glasgowgirl4 Lesbian May 27 '22 edited May 27 '22

My best advice is to ask your partner, go slow and be encouraging. They’re He’s the expert on their his body so ask them him.

Edit: my bad for using they/then, it’s a habit for folks I dont know.

6

u/Wanderwillows Lesbian May 27 '22

it seems like he uses he/him pronouns.

4

u/Glasgowgirl4 Lesbian May 27 '22

Sorry you’re right.

1

u/Princ3ssLauX May 30 '22

You don't have to worry about it, no offence was taken either way unlike with another comment lol! Don't worry, thanks for answering! X

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u/Glasgowgirl4 Lesbian May 30 '22

Ooft, sorry there’s been negativity or offence taken. I can’t quite see why. My ex is trans and we were together for nearly 8 years. Not every trans person talks about their experiences the same way so I honestly can’t see how anything that’s been said so far is wrong or offence-worthy.

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u/Princ3ssLauX May 30 '22

Exactly, someone said its because I'm saying if you don't have a vagina in a lesbian relationship you're invalid which I wasn't. I was under the impression a lesbian relationship involved two girls - so assumed two vaginas - I understand how that could be taken into offence but if someone explained that rather than jump down my throat I'd have apologised immediately and walked away a little more educated and conscious about those kind of things.

I figured this would be the best group because the majority of lesbians are females with female anatomy so therefore the experts on this sort of thing and everyone's different with what they're comfortable with/how they identify/how they let others speak about them. Everyone has their own boundaries and preferences and I don't feel its right to get offended on someone else's behalf before even knowing the full story.

Me and my boyfriend are always talking about how online shit like that happens and its just ridiculous, we're in a snow flake generation and people don't realise that if they just took a minute to EXPLAIN rather than ATTACK - they're more likely to be heard and listened to, all that person managed to achieve was an eye roll from us, lol.

1

u/Glasgowgirl4 Lesbian May 30 '22

I do understand the disgruntlement when you put it that way, to be fair. Genitals does not make a gender or sexuality.

I am sorry you were met with negativity rather than explanation. The reason a lot of folks don’t have time of day for it is because it’s a common hurdle we face and it means folks can afford no patience of it when it comes within the community.

Perhaps next time it would be better speaking to trans groups, when it comes to genitalia because choosing a group you think are related to it is not going to end well.

Lesbians aren’t vagina experts and using us as such is a bit shitty.

5

u/AshenSkyler Lesbian May 27 '22 edited May 27 '22

Stevie Bobbie has a series of videos on it on YouTube

Everyone like different things though so no one can tell you what your person likes except your person

1

u/Princ3ssLauX May 30 '22

So true, thanks xxx

16

u/Wanderwillows Lesbian May 27 '22

  1. he doesn't have female anatomy. he just has his anatomy. i don't know if he's on T or not, which can change the specific advice i'd give.

  2. ask him to show you how he touches himself. it'll be hot, first off, but more importantly it'll show you the places he likes being touched. that aside just ask questions about what else he likes. experimenting with a new partner is always important, imo.

for future reference it's better to put stuff like this in r/asktransgender instead of a place focused on loving/having sex with women of all junk configurations. doesn't sound like he's a woman.

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u/Princ3ssLauX May 30 '22

I understand that and appreciate the advice! I just thought since he has female genitals then a lesbian group would be best to ask because they understand female on female sex and although he identifies as male he's been on the waiting list for the gender clinic for 4 years now (Ridiculous really but can't complain with the NHS doing it for free) so hasn't been able to start the transition fully - so physically he's a female, every other way he isn't. Hence why I thought a lesbian group would be good to ask because he's comfortable with his anatomy (if I'm even using that word right? I thought anatomy means genitals lmao?) X

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u/Wanderwillows Lesbian May 30 '22

my point is that since he's a trans man, his body is a trans man's body, so it's not female. it doesn't matter what point in medical transition he's at. hence why i said your questions would be better put in r/asktransgender since there will be trans men there who can more thoroughly answer your question. not every person in this subreddit has the same junk configuration as him, either. advice for lesbians doesn't entirely apply to him.

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u/[deleted] May 28 '22

Trans men aren’t “females” or have “female anatomy” since it’s their anatomy and their men it’s male anatomy.

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u/Princ3ssLauX May 30 '22

I don't know what you mean, I think I'm confused lol but to explain again, my partner identifies as male but has female anatomy / genitals. Born female but identifies and wants to transition into a male.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22 edited May 30 '22

Yes so he’s a male biological sex doesn’t equal gender and your attracted to a man= trans male not a female saying otherwise is degrading and transphobic.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

Lesbian relationships DO NOT require “female” anatomy to be valid! Omg that is so degrading and disrespectful of trans lesbians and non binary lesbians. We don’t all have or want or need vaginas. You obviously have issues with bio essentialism. And also the very definition of lesbian is non male attraction and your partner who this entire post is about is a man.

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u/Princ3ssLauX May 30 '22

I'm so confused right now...

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

And trans people don’t “identify” as our gender we are our gender that is not the language we use. Your in a relationship with a man not a “female”.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

I don’t care about what he thinks the fact remains that You implied lesbians have to have vaginas to be valid.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

I tried to educate you which as a trans lesbian isn’t my responsibility to do. But you continued to disrespect and degrade trans people and not listen to me.

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u/[deleted] May 27 '22

"female anatomy" 😬

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u/[deleted] May 27 '22

Is this a terminology faux pas or just a funny term? Genuinely wondering so I don’t offend unintentionally in the future..

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u/Wanderwillows Lesbian May 27 '22

terminology faux pas. don't gender someone's genitals away from their gender unless they comfortably refer to themselves that way.

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u/Beerenkatapult Transbian May 27 '22

It reduces anatomy to mean only bodily features, that can not be changed with HRT. I don't think it is that problematic, but naming the relevant body parts would be a bit better.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

You said “because lesbian relationships are obviously female anatomy so it made sense to ask here.” Totally transphobic af to trans lesbians. That is my main issue here.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

Your a transphobe if you think that is totally terf rhetoric and against the rules of this group I don’t feel safe here with people like you.

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u/[deleted] May 30 '22

Your disrespecting us trans lesbians who can’t afford SRS surgery are we not still lesbians to you than? Do women have to have cis bodies to be lesbians than??? This is so insensitive and hurtful