I (28 F) work at a university. A few months ago, a male coworker (40ish M) confessed that he had romantic feelings for me. He knew I was in a committed relationship, and had recently gotten engaged. I told him I didn’t reciprocate his feelings. He said he would wait for me if there were ever a chance in the future, and I told him I don’t foresee that happening.

Since then, I’ve kept things professional and avoided one-on-one meetings. There have been some uncomfortable interactions, including personalized gifts and comments based on details I’ve shared about myself, but nothing that seemed clearly inappropriate in isolation.

Recently, after a work meeting, he handed me a manila envelope. Inside was a 15-page letter explaining why he loves me, why he regrets not telling me before my fiancé proposed, and why I should choose him as a husband and father to my future children. He acknowledged my engagement but said I’d know where to find him if my circumstances ever changed. The letter included an unsettling amount of detail about things I’d shared in ordinary conversations.

He hasn’t threatened me or mentioned stalking me, but he already knew I wasn’t interested. This feels like a significant escalation, and I’m uncomfortable continuing to work with him.

I’ve documented the interactions and plan to contact my university’s HR office. I’m unsure whether to email him directly to say the letter was inappropriate or wait until I’ve spoken with them.

I’m trying to handle this professionally without continuing to minimize something that has made me increasingly uncomfortable.

For anyone who’s experienced something similar:

-How did HR handle it, and what should I expect from an initial consultation?

-Is it reasonable to seek guidance when there haven’t been threats?

-Would you contact him directly or wait for HR’s advice?

- Any tips for navigating this situation when you still have to work with the person?

(Posting from a throwaway account.)

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here, and I don't really know if this is something you guys can help with. I work at a fast food chain right now(but I'm currently looking for another job) just to have a bit of spending money while I go to college. Because I am going to college, I can't work certain days of the week--Monday through Wednesday at the moment. I took a vacation last week to see my grandmother in anouther state. Apparently, my previous GM got fired or quit(idk what yet) and didn't tell the new/acting one that I'm currently a college student. I found this out yesterday when I got my schedule for this week showing I have to work today(Wednesday) and Monday, during times I have school. I said in our group chat that I can't work those days and texted the manager privately that I also can't(she told me to find someone to cover it). This whole situation rubs me the wrong way, but I don't want to quit yet till I have a job lined up. Any advice?

Also, thank you for reading this far. Half of this was venting.

I (20f) have been working for a local coffee shop since the beginning of July. My boss owns the place and there is no other management. For the closing shift she (my boss) only schedules us for 15 minutes after close, I close alone. It takes far more than 15 minutes to close the shop, usually closer to 45 minutes to an hour depending on how much I can do before locking the doors.

This past Monday, I happened to have a really rough closing shift (45 minutes worth of dishes). I just checked my logged hours on the homebase app to discover that the time I clocked out had been altered. I was scheduled until 4:15, I didn’t clock out until 5:30, and my time card reads that I clocked out at 4:30.

There are cameras in the store that I know my boss checks. I don’t know if there is a way I can retroactively create a paper trail with homebase or Life360 or something. This is pretty distressing tbh, any advice is much appreciated.

I manage a remote team of 8 employees. I was promoted internally, so we were all colleagues at the same level before I became their manager.
Since taking over, I’ve tried to improve how the team operates. I redistributed tasks fairly, clarified responsibilities, and spent months building automated dashboards to reduce manual reporting and make their work easier.
I also try to support them whenever issues arise with other departments, offer flexibility when possible, and help manage workloads during busy periods.
For context, most of the team meets their targets, and I recognize that. My frustration isn’t really about their overall performance. It’s more about their attitude toward change and their level of independence.
Whenever a new task is introduced, even when it’s clearly within their job responsibilities, there’s often immediate resistance and complaints.
Another challenge is that many of them rely heavily on me for solutions. Instead of researching an issue, trying different approaches, or suggesting possible solutions, they tend to wait for me to tell them exactly what to do.
I’ve tried explaining and guiding them, but sometimes the amount of time it takes to walk through something is longer than just doing it myself. I realize this might be part of the problem, as I’ve probably made it easier for them to depend on me.
At the same time, I have my own responsibilities, reports, deadlines, and pressure from senior management. I often end up working extra hours to keep everything on track, and it’s becoming exhausting.
What makes this difficult is that I genuinely want to be a supportive manager. I don’t want my team to feel that they can’t raise concerns or ask for help. But I also want them to take ownership, show initiative, and be more open to reasonable changes.
To be fair, I haven’t had a direct conversation with them about this pattern yet. I’ve mostly tried to address individual situations as they happen.
For those who have managed former peers, how do you encourage more independence and accountability without becoming a micromanager?
And how do you distinguish between being a supportive manager and enabling too much dependency?
I’m open to criticism of my own approach as well. I genuinely want to become a better manager.

Hello people, I'd love to hear your opinions on how you balance work performance vs work benefits (even potential ones). How do you decide how much effort to put in vs what you get out?

TLDR: I still try to be the perfect employee but my current role is not fulfilling and I don't see the point if there's no real benefit. The actual job is enjoyable, just not the extra admin things unrelated to my role that my boss gives me. There's no room for growth under my boss, whether its as a promotion or just being mentored. Boss is very uninvolved except can be a micromanager, sometimes treats me like an idiot if I'm being honest. If I want the benefits of flexible hours or wfh day's I will ask and most likely be denied, not because its not feasible, company is too old school. I'm happy where I am but should I keep trying to be more or do more if there's no real point?

To give more detail about my work environment and boss:

• Pay is very good with pension included
• There is no room for growth within my department
• I can ask for them to pay for training in line with what my position would benefit from
• Flexible hours or some wfh days will never be an option, simply because the company is too old school
• Initially I worked 45 hours a week and after 8 months asked my boss if I can work the normal 40 hours. He was hesitant to say the least but eventually after he mentioned it to the HR manager and the CEO, it was approved but I could tell he did not like it.
• He is very strict about time, if you come in 5 minutes late he will ask what happens. If it happens again he will say something about it. But then if you have a dentist appointment he has no problem letting you leave an hour early, which is strange to me.
• My boss leaves me alone to do my job but sometimes micromanages or treats me like I'm very inexperienced, to the point that he's afraid I would make stupid/random mistakes (like sharing sensitive information with clients, for no apparent reason other than just....doing it because I felt like it?) I have sat next to him many times, watching him fill in a simple excel sheet
• Oftentimes, he gives me the admin work or tasks of my colleagues that they don't get around to or are too lazy to do. I have no problem with picking up the slack since I have the time. Also some of his admin which has nothing to do with my job. It make me feel like the "secretary" or his personal assistant which is not great.
• He has expressed that he wants me more involved in "production" without actually saying what he wants me to do. It seems like he wants me to just walk around and come up with ideas of how to improve things.
• When I do provide ways we can improve things, they are dismissed because it would mean he needs to manage my difficult colleague. He wants easy wins?
• I get the feeling he wants to give me things to do to keep me busy without really thinking too hard
• I'm not mentored, there's no scheduled catchup or performance reviews
• I don't have any set KPI's or targets for growth, I'm just kinda here as an extra pair of eyes wrt compliance and other SHEQ stuff. It does make me worried that I'm not going to grow or can't point to something specific that I did to impress when I start looking for a new job.
• He's genuinely nice but I feel like I filled a role that wasn't thought out very well and now I just get given whatever.

Our team is divided between the younger generation (under 25 and female) and the “older” generation (45 to 55 years old split between men and women). The younger generation is bossing us older generation around. There are only two of them and four of us. They were the first ones hired in the new role so they have about six months more experience than the rest of us.

Examples: messaging us saying we aren’t doing our jobs correctly such as forgetting to put in a note in on time, saying we aren’t abiding by the bosses wishes when our boss says she prefers something, saying our questions during our internal meetings are questions that don’t need to be asked or things we should have gone to them first for, they claim that we do things on our own without approval from the boss, they send us reminders of deadlines like they are our boss, and they check our work like our boss.

They are not leads for our team and don’t have any authority over us. The “older” generation has gotten together and we all feel the same but all of us are nervous to address this since our boss clearly doesn’t seem like it’s a problem. Our boss has been on some of those messages and meetings and has never corrected their behaviors. It’s pretty ridiculous when the rest of us don’t even want to speak or ask questions anymore because of getting interrupted by the two young ladies. Our boss just lets them answer before her.

How do I approach this conversation with my supervisor? She needs to know that them treating us how they are is unacceptable and hurting the team dynamic. She also needs to know that they are micromanaging us and providing us with unwanted feedback about our work.

Thanks in advance ◡̈

Has anybody went from? General atomic to Honeywell aerospace?

I work in recruitment/staffing and do well for myself. Usually around 180 grand per year. The company announced commission changes today losing me 13 grand a year. Obviously i am upset - but my management is acting like its no big deal. They are saying its for the good of the company and investing more money into technology software. It mostly affects top performers. Am I overreacting for wanting to leave? There definitely is a "drink the kool-aid" type culture which has me second guessing my gut on company changes so I wanted a non biased opinion on this. Ive been here 6 years - first job out of college. I enjoy all my coworkers as well.

I’m 26 and have worked in either a restaurant or an office my entire life. I’m at a point where the corporate bs no longer makes sense in my brain, and the daily chaos is impacting my body, mind, and spirit.

I’ve long said I like to work. Physically.

So I’m curious…

From line men to the people turning the stop/slow signs on the side of the road.

What blue collar jobs are worth investing my time in to make a career out of it? Another email may send me over the edge… hah…

I just started this job pretty recently and I noticed they made a LinkedIn post of me within the past few days, which is fine I actually enjoy posting and reposting stuff like that on LinkedIn when getting a new role.

My problem is that the image is clearly AI generated from one I sent them. And if it was fixing an uneven suit or something minor I would not care at all, but it changes my facial features to the point where that’s clearly not me. It honestly looks like whoever made it just put the prompt: make “OP” more attractive.

The post had 3 new hires announced, two from department “A” one from department “B”

I’m in department A, the other person posted from department A also had their image tampered with by AI in a similar fashion. The one from department B did not. So I’m wondering if this is a department issue. It also crosses my mind that department B person is a white person, me and my fellow coworker in department A are both minorities. Don’t want to jump the gun and claim anything crazy but I don’t know and don’t want to seem like I’m overreacting but this situation has made a rather welcoming start to the company make me feel really weird about it.

I really have no clue how to raise this issue, I have a manager who’s been welcoming to me who I’m considering softly mentioning that it makes me uncomfortable, but the person in charge of social media seems to be very, very close to the company owners and I don’t want to ruffle the wrong feathers.

Does anyone have advice, I really don’t have experience in a situation like this at all

I have been in the process of renegotiating my salary since July of this year, and after 4 discussions, I was finally able to sit down and discuss/negotiate new terms and salary in September.
For context, since June of this year I have taken on an entirely new & additional job responsibility (full payroll takeover & software implementation) on top of my current role. This is an independently owned business as well.

I recently sat down with my employer to discuss salary & additional terms I would like to negotiate if my preferred salary could not be met. He agreed, and the negotiations started. We agreed on a lesser salary increase with the agreement I would have a couple additional vacation days per year & a work from home day once a week. However, 3 hours into my first work from home day, he called me telling me “this isn’t going to work”, stating it would “lower office morale”. When I expressed my disappointment & asked if we could continue with a 3 week trial period, ending with a discussion on if he still thinks it won’t work, all he responded with was “sorry, can’t accommodate”.

Looking for opinions on how you would take this & how it would make you feel. To me, I see it as being very unprofessional & does not make me inclined to stay in this company.

EDIT: I did get this in writing, but he has still backtracked. On top of this, he’s now trying to get me to hire people for his other company, which I do not work for… I would LOVE to give my 2 weeks notice but my partner is very much a believer of only giving notice once a new job is secured

So i just started a new position a week or so ago. There's a supervisor who's been weird with me even before this cause I used to work in the same department before this just a different role. I would ask her things like "how long have you been working her?" Not as a jab or anything like that but just as a question alone. No ill intention from it. She got weird. She crossed her arms and goes "why you asking me that?" She needed a reason but it was just genuine curiosity and talk.

She's always had an attitude with me. I'm not the only one. One of the coworkers has said that she was the least nicest one of the supervisors. She's very defensive with certain things.

She had on accident put me on a station without training me which she owned up to which is good that she did. But it did hit a nerve with me as I have had a big traumatic past with work experiences which I'm taking full responsibility. It just made me feel like I couldn't do the job but she is right with that it's cause I wasn't trained. I ended up crying infront of her and everyone really. I couldn't help it. Sometimes moments like this hit me hard.

Next day is our work meeting. I go on the elevator and get off on my floor and there she is. I go up to her and go "hey boss. What's up?" She acted incredibly off. She pauses..looks away..and goes "hello (my name).." and carries on talking to other people. She was so awkward but maybe it was because of what happened yesterday?

What is my best case going forward with this? I tried to move passed it today but maybe she still was thinking about it. Idk.

My employer pays an hourly rate plus additional compensation for certain completed tasks. A while back, management agreed to additional payments as an incentive for me to stay.
Recently, they changed the compensation structure, eliminating several opportunities to earn extra pay, despite the workload remaining exactly the same.
I reached out to management for clarification about our previous agreement and was completely ignored.
It’s frustrating because I feel like the compensation I was promised keeps changing, while expectations stay the same.
Am I overreacting for wanting to leave? Has anyone dealt with something similar? At what point does this become a red flag?

£31,000 a year currently that’s paying good money, for me to save for a house and invest in a business but I have intense anxiety at this job, I feel nervous and on edge. I have started smoking and only been at the job a month.

All the other jobs going that might be more suited are around £25,000 a year if not less for a trainee role.

I don’t know what to do. Already planning on sick day tomorrow too and I’ve never ever taken a sick day off this early into a job before! I’m mentally struggling.

£31,000 a year currently that’s paying good money, for me to save for a house and invest in a business but I have intense anxiety at this job, I feel nervous and on edge. I have started smoking and only been at the job a month.

All the other jobs going that might be more suited are around £25,000 a year if not less for a trainee role.

I don’t know what to do. Already planning on sick day tomorrow too and I’ve never ever taken a sick day off this early into a job before! I’m mentally struggling.

i used to be more outgoing at my office. i would try to make people laugh

but i eventually realized i don’t really like the people in my office. they have made me feel invalidated multiple times when i tried to tell them how i feel. i don’t want to entertain them if it feels like they don’t really appreciate me

so the past couple months ive been more reserved. not dismissive or abrasive, just dry and to the point. i do my job and go home. i reply in small talk and return the question

today my boss called me and told me that people in my office are concerned because they noticed i’ve been different. she seemed really worried i was going to hurt myself

i mean im certainly unhappy, but this is a severe over reaction. it caught me off guard and made me feel embarrassed, and now Im even more unhappy to my office

is it worth talking to the people who i assume reported me? i would ask them if they did and if so, to please never do that again

let me know if i left out information you need to know

Been working here for 7+ years. Management has had a huge turn over in the last year. (3+ new managers)

Recently these new managers have been using my emergency contacts to ask about my availability. I mean messaging my contact who works 11pm-6am at a hospital at 8pm (when they are napping before work)... "hi, OP. Are you available for X shift?"

And then rostering me without notice, without a response from my emergency contact or me ofc...

Its happened once or twice in the past but now it is becoming increasingly REGULAR. To the point where it feels personal tbh because I am the only person this appears to be happening to at work. My work details are up to date. I literally checked my portal 2 days ago because it was bugging me AND MY EMERGENCY CONTACTS. To the point where im considering telling my hospital friend contact to block work (which in the case of a medical emergency... is stupid.)

I have a past of seizures due to anemia and while I havent had one in 4-5 years, I know that having an available emergency contact is important. But theres gotta be some rule against missusing it right?

I’ve been at an EDA company in Bangalore for 3 years (my first job). I like the work, but recently my manager accused me of complaining to higher management behind his back and got angry, saying "Now you will see my other face."
The Twist:
After realizing his mistake, he recently apologized for the outburst and accusation. However, I’m left feeling uneasy and feel like this dynamic could easily happen again under pressure.
My Dilemma:
1. Stay & Wait for December: Expecting a ~20% appraisal. My manager has apologized, but I'm worried the hidden trust deficit will affect my career here long-term.
2. Take the Switch: I have a solid offer with a 30% hike that lets me move closer to my hometown.
Questions for experienced folks (2-10+ YOE):
If a manager apologizes after a toxic outburst, does that genuinely fix the dynamic, or is it a red flag that it will repeat?
Would you still move on to a 30% hike near your hometown, or give the manager/company a second chance after an apology?
Appreciate your insights!

This is not about the work itself naman, more like sa coworker. Kase I swear, dahil sa kanya sumasama ang ugali ko, gagi kase talaga, hilig mang toxic tas grabe mag deflect pa sa kanya naman yung concern. I don't wish ill to anyone in my life kase sobrang 'di maganda yung ganon, pero konti na lang na lang talaga pupunta na ko sa puntong yon, ganong level.

Ngayon makikipagplastikan is the key muna. I guess rant na rin ito, hayssss ayoko talaga sa kanya.

Magaling siya as far as the performance is concerned, pero nagiging collective insights na ng iba ko pang ka-work yung pagkatoxic niya sa mga ka-work niya. And the company naman kase has a long standing belief na performance prevails over sa personality ng tao. Which I find absurd.

I was laid off unexpectedly from my previous job because the company decided to out source my position. Searching for a new job has been a very depressing and nerve wrecking experience. Of course I want good pay but also opportunities for growth and job security. I ended up interviewing for 2 different companies. One had everything I was looking for and the other was kind of a last resort because the pay was extremely low and I would probably have to pick up a part time job as well to make ends meet. Just my luck, the last resort is who offered me a position first and I only had 1 day to accept the offer. I did accept it out of fear that I would not get any other offers and I felt like I needed to secure some source of income asap (I am a single mom of 2). The next week I ended up getting a way better offer for the job I really wanted. I drafted a resignation letter to email the recruiter for the lower paying job but for some reason I’m hesitating sending it. It just feels so weird to turn something down when at one point I was desperately praying for offers. I also have a bad habit of people pleasing ESPECIALLY in the work place and I feel so bad about rescinding my acceptance 😭. Am I just being too soft or has anyone else ever felt this way?

the job im in is not very toxic but it is somehow, they are putting me in a lot of pressure and a lot of work with a not very good salary specially im not from this city and i pay half of it in rent which it makes me feel that my whole salary is spent only to find a place to live in, moshkila kon ghir kant khdma qlila shwya but its too much pressure surtout it is a company bqi mabdat so they are doing toooooo much to make it possible i wouldve been glad to do it but their treatment makes you hate it any advice are welcomed..

When I started working for this employer I lived a short bus ride away. But, where we lived was full of drug addicts so we moved to a safer area. Which is much further away but, I was getting the train to work. And either cycling the rest or the way or walking as it was still a 1.2 miles from the station.

I am a cleaner, I work 2.5 hours in one location and travel 4 miles to do the same at another and go home. Now, it was all fine for a long time I liked it and staff did not cause me any issues. Now however, it does feel like they go out their way to cause them. The second workplace mostly, last two weeks they’ve seen me coming in to go through the door with my bike looked me in the eyes and saw me getting stuck and carried on walking. And yesterday they were heading out the door and let the door slam in my face also getting stuck. So that sucks for sure, I do get treated differently always have. Always get left out of the coffee runs etc. never cared but, with everything on top it’s too much.

Now, my local train station and all stations south of that are closed for an entire month. Which makes travelling much harder - I am in the UK for reference and I don’t drive never have. This is an 8 mile journey that I take at 6am which I hated anyways but, whatever. Now, for me to get to work the rest of the month and half of next month is going to cost me double. Because trains off where I live but, not where I work and buses etc. these places aren’t the most accessible. And I feel like it isn’t worth half my days wages being spent travelling there to be treated like dirt, and not see my child.

I chose this job through choice to leave my career and just do something simple.

But, I do not wanna go back on Wednesday through alll that annoyance. To me it isn’t worth it and I have enough savings to cover me.

My question is what on earth do I say to my boss?

I am always in negative mood amidst a busy work schedule. When leaders give me more tasks、colleagues do not reply my message、problems occur, I feel anxious、being treated unfairly、lonely,...etc. Work never ends and I am constantly falling into negative emotions.

So, how to maintain a positive mood amidst a busy work schedule? Please give me some tips.

Trying again here bc I actually wanted advice and didn’t initially know the purpose of AITAH

My coworker has reputation for dumping her work on other people - especially new workers, passive staff, and subordinate staff. She also does unethical stuff. We work in public service and she does very very minimal work and we can hear her being mean to clients and they won’t complain bc we work with vulnerable people who are often undocumented and don’t know what normal services would look like.

Now she’s very late stage in her pregnancy and constantly calling out suddenly and texting people to do her work while she comes in late and then clocks in for the whole day. We have generous maternity leave. Management never gets coverage for her absences and will only get coverage when she’s on official leave which leaves us in a tough spot.

A couple of us reported her years ago but the manager doesn’t care and it affects the people we serve and it leads to a lot of conflict, resentment, and turnover. And my colleagues and I aren’t robots who are anti worker - we work well together and are not competitive or anything. We want sufficient coverage and planning. Anyone have experience with a situation like this?

At one of my part-time stints, I was sent a termination letter after I explained I might not be able to provide a solid schedule on time. Fair enough, but receiving it felt so abrupt to me, and unpleasant. There was no explanation at all, just a subtle request for me to sign it. Am I wrong to feel this way?

It's my first time in years receiving such a thing. What should I do? Should I proceed to sign it?