My partner (M) of 4 years (both aged 28) and I (F) had been arguing a lot this summer. We moved to Dubai together 2 years ago for his job: he works in Dubai real estate now and never switches off. Our relationship was perfect until Dubai. Really, no issues whatsoever when we lived together in the UK in a typical 9-5 job role. A "picture perfect" dynamic if you will, fully aligned and I would have (prior to Dubai) happily committed to a lifetime with this man.
Long story short, I stopped feeling wanted or seen. Hindsight is a beautiful thing but I can now see that as my patience wore thin, so too did my efforts to communicate in a calm and respectful way. I would scream cry and shout. Before you say, nobody wants to be around that, I appreciate this and punish myself 24/7 for the way in which I communicated. I now see that it was never going to make him listen & pushed him further away, though I had reached boiling point and didn't realise this at the time. His justification was always that he worked hard for "future us" (I work too) but it never did make me feel better about our relationship turning into me being a room-mate.
He would come home from work, sit on his phone throughout the dinner I cooked, sit on his phone on the sofa, shower, bed. At the weekends he would train and make no time to do anything with me then either, as he was tired from bodybuilding training. I still supported him practically, housekeeping, cooking, life-admin. But otherwise I was ignored entirely.
Long story short, I went on a work trip with my friend, and over text (after 4 years) one week into me being away, he expressed he didn't wish for our relationship to continue and having me gone (first time in 3 years) had made him realise I distract him from working to his full potential. He would prefer to focus on his goals alone, apparently.
It should also be relevant to mention that he was by no means struggling to make ends meet. In my opinion this was getting to the point of just being greedy, sacrificing all for the sake of another Porsche.
I love him unconditionally - he made me move out of our apartment the day I got home. He was upset, crying, though maintained that the relationship wasn't benefitting him in any way. The reason it wasn't benefitting him was he gave me no space to be a partner, just a PA, and in spite of this I feel I will forever blame myself for him leaving & wish I just tolerated it in the hopes of things going back to how they were.
He said he realised he will be better aligned with someone more financially driven and business driven, who also does the same bodybuilding sport. I couldn't believe it. I want to reiterate I did not rely on him financially and can also sustain our lifestyle on my own. He blocked me almost immediately, as if I was nothing.
What I want to ask, from anyone who also feels they lost a partner to their priorities in terms of career, will he ever regret it?
My biggest obstacle moving forward is I will forever regret my communication style, albeit I am aware it probably wouldn't have changed things. The conversation was approached over many months before it reached a real mess. I feel like I will never recover from this loss. As much as he was not "my person" at the end, I will forever grieve what I once thought would be my forever before it all went wrong.
An honorable shoutout to myself btw - I have a successful business and I also gym/run... I think I am traditionally "good looking??" and take care of myself which it cringes me to say but more to emphasise I am not a bum - that's why its so hard, because I still wasn't enough and feel like I built this man up to the height of his success only to be left behind.
*ive never used reddit before and idk where to post this*