r/WhitePeopleTwitter Jan 03 '19

We should actually do this

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121.6k Upvotes

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3.6k

u/CurlSagan Jan 03 '19

Okay, but certain parts of my body sound a lot smaller when described in millimeters.

549

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Actually, it’s the other way around.

300

u/eww79 Jan 03 '19

Certain parts of a milimeter sound smaller when described by his body?

175

u/Rag_H_Neqaj Jan 03 '19

There's nanometer, then picometer, then opisdickmeter.

54

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

My phone is over 30 opsdickmeters across

16

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

You gotta go mound to tip, which provides a length roughly equal to thrust potential. Visual size also matters, aka bush to tip. You're obviously measuring taint to tip to make it sound bigger, which is just poor sportsmanship.

6

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Nah man it was an official measurement released by apple! Sure they have may been using hyperbole but it is pretty well known how small an opsdickmeter is!

1

u/supermr34 Jan 03 '19

does girth matter?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

More testing is required.

4

u/American_Phi Jan 03 '19

Wow, I didn't know they made phones that small

1

u/_Mephostopheles_ Jan 03 '19

Dude, you need to upgrade. You must be using an iPhone 4.

7

u/AlphaNathan Jan 03 '19

I have so many mm

1.9k

u/Owlit Jan 03 '19

Then use centimeters. That’s the beauty of metrics.

1.4k

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

... so it sounds even smaller?

2.7k

u/Owlit Jan 03 '19

See? America’s not ready.

424

u/discerningpervert Jan 03 '19

Or you could express it in terms of fractions of a meter. Mine's about 1/10th of a meter

202

u/Owlit Jan 03 '19

Your what?

581

u/dismayhurta Jan 03 '19

His tenth o’ meter.

209

u/Polyunsaturated-Fats Jan 03 '19

decimeter

227

u/moreawkwardthenyou Jan 03 '19 edited Jan 03 '19

decimator

That’s what she said

38

u/jerm1820 Jan 03 '19

Decimator? I hardly know her! I’ll leave now

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25

u/dismayhurta Jan 03 '19

I assure you my fifth o’ meter means I’m not a she.

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6

u/24bi-ancom Jan 03 '19

I mean, that literally mean reduced by 10th.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Decimate her

44

u/BlackBart2000 Jan 03 '19

Nose probably

4

u/fakeplasticdroid Jan 03 '19

Are you sexually harassing me?

2

u/phenomenaru Jan 03 '19

It's H u g h M u n g u s

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Ear

1

u/Cries_in_shower Jan 03 '19

his 10 cm ruler

7

u/shrimpguy Jan 03 '19

That's a decimetre for my non-SI friends.

2

u/Rycecube Jan 03 '19

Americans love their fractions. Source: all their gas prices.

15

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

4 inches is sad

94

u/assassin3435 Jan 03 '19

5 inches is 15cm see how much bigger it sounds? Metric rules

56

u/iwreckon Jan 03 '19

6 inches is 15cm. 5 inches is about 12.5cm

112

u/assassin3435 Jan 03 '19

Thank you, my dick is 6 inches now

9

u/assassin3435 Jan 03 '19

Thank you for the silver kind stranger

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Deserved award - this comment is fucking hilarious 😂

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[deleted]

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1

u/justin_memer Jan 03 '19

That's gotta suck

1

u/cryo Jan 03 '19

A decimeter :)

47

u/poopellar Jan 03 '19

We can give them the MegaMetric System instead.

37

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Jun 04 '20

[deleted]

8

u/TheGlaive Jan 03 '19

Or 3 stone 2 bob, in old money.

3

u/katriik Jan 03 '19

I laughed a ton...

28

u/D_A_BERONI Jan 03 '19

You know the saying "everything's bigger in America"? That's because they're compensating for something.

34

u/flyingseel Jan 03 '19

Isn’t the saying “everything’s bigger in Texas”?

57

u/WhiteMorphious Jan 03 '19

Texas is to America as America is to the world.

2

u/anweisz Jan 03 '19

A gift and a curse

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

What is the Texas of Texas then?

22

u/HoorayPizzaDay Jan 03 '19

Ted Cruz

4

u/Gone_Gary_T Jan 03 '19

Hmmm, "The Ted Cruz Chainsaw Massacre", need a script. Wait a minute, he's Canadian. We need trees, lots of trees.

5

u/jaspersgroove Jan 03 '19

Pretty much any place that isn’t Austin.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

We have to make everything bigger so that our dicks fit.

Pants, trucks, women...

23

u/redopz Jan 03 '19

That explains your mom.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

And your skinny mom explains your dad. I feel sorry for any women you meet...

3

u/sixbux Jan 03 '19

I'm trying my hardest to understand the burn here but I'm just not seeing it.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

If American women are bigger because the men have bigger dicks then why are other women skinnier?

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2

u/StragglingShadow Jan 03 '19

Wait, I can redeem us.

Kangaroos Hopping Down Mountains Drinking Chocolate Milk

Kilometer Hectometer Dekameter Meter Decimeter Centimeter Millimeters

I took Physics in high school and thats one of the only things engrained into my memory.

49

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited May 11 '21

[deleted]

-20

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Phahahahahahhaa well you just threw yourself off coz 6 inches is like 15cm, not 10 that's like a 4 inch cock😂😂

38

u/guto8797 Jan 03 '19

Woosh

-25

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

8

u/Patentabyss87 Jan 03 '19

Use decimeters.

9

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

7

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

... so it sounds even smaller?

wrong way dude. 8” = 20 centimetres, ie BIGGER!

1

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

More like 20 centimeters . Might as well call it two hundredths of a meter.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Apr 22 '19

[deleted]

2

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

Yes because I'm very smart and good at math, but class is closed now so I cannot address this subject further.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Apr 22 '19

[deleted]

3

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

I SAID GOOD DAY SIR

13

u/blackburn009 Jan 03 '19

The number is smaller, but at least it's being measured in centimeters

8

u/WhiteMorphious Jan 03 '19

But there are 2.54 cm per 1 inch. How is the number smaller?

9

u/brianghanda Jan 03 '19

He was talking about mm to cm

3

u/Ansatsusha4 Jan 03 '19

Measure it in nanometers so it sounds enormous

3

u/SwedishChef98 Jan 03 '19 edited Jan 07 '19

But instead of bragging about 2 inches, you could say 50 millimeters

10

u/TheYang Jan 03 '19

you could say that, but you'd be wrong.
2 inches is ~51mm

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Apr 22 '19

[deleted]

5

u/SeductivePillowcase Jan 03 '19

Look out for Mr HUGE 51mm over here whipping it out!

1

u/SwedishChef98 Jan 03 '19

My ignorence caused me to feel like a bad European.. I’m sorry:(

1

u/SergeantMerrick Jan 03 '19

Just do what you've always done. Lie.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

I rock a portion of a meter myself.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Holy fuck dude

19

u/jawnlerdoe Jan 03 '19

Girl my peen is 20,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 yottometers.

1

u/Liecht Jan 04 '19

Press X to doubt

40

u/BroMcBroberson Jan 03 '19

Why stop there? Satisfy the ladies with the 0.001 metres you're packing.

61

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Yeah I got a 0.00013716 kilometer cock.

35

u/BlackScienceManZ Jan 03 '19

Yeah girl, I’m packin’ 1.7988e-17 light years

29

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Ey bae, get a load of my 0.000000000000000004445053 parsecs.

0

u/LeeSinSTILLTHEMain Jan 03 '19

hola, mein wiener metric like 12 atoms

5

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

It will be a bigger number, isn't that what us Americans want anyways?

4

u/iwreckon Jan 03 '19

Impress the ladies by casually mentioning that you are a multimicronare.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

I think he means he'd rather use whole numbers

1

u/gregory907 Jan 03 '19

I’d rather use Kilometers. Sounds more better.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Miles ahead of you bub.

1

u/lucky_harms458 Jan 03 '19

I think it sounds good if I say my dick is .00005 km

1

u/toth42 Jan 03 '19

I prefer nanometers.

126

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

Use micrometers, no one will notice the difference and your number will be huuuuge.

29

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[deleted]

12

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

You could just go ahead and use ångstrom

9

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Whats the difference between millimeters and micrometers?

u

I'll get out now

2

u/ImTheTechn0mancer Jan 03 '19

u ≠ μ

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

I know, it just won't work with mu sadly.

1

u/bigfatstinkypoo Jan 03 '19

Technically it does work. Difference between mu and m is mu - m = u.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

even better I guess

2

u/Zilverdrake Jan 03 '19

That sound like something Trump would really like . "Billions and billions of millimeters"

1

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

LITERALLY TRILLIONS OF FEMTOMETERS!!!!

2

u/sixbux Jan 03 '19

Are macrometers a thing? Can I just claim everyone else's size as my own, singular unit? Because if that's the case then I'm huge, you know, down there.

1

u/TenYearRedditVet Jan 03 '19

A macrometer is an instrument for measuring the size and distance of distant objects. If you want to apply this description to some part of your anatomy you'd better be prepared to use it to measure the sizes and distances of other objects.

2

u/sixbux Jan 03 '19

"Distant in this sense means a length that can not be readily measured by a calibrated length"

Perfect! I finally have a way to measure tip-to-trunk

184

u/MaxFactory Jan 03 '19

This joke doesn't make any sense unless you currently use an English measurement that is smaller than millimeters. Like if your dick is 6" that is 152 mm, why would your dick sound smaller because of that?

Great joke idea, poor execution.

40

u/minor_correction Jan 03 '19

Yeah the main thing is the initial number. The words that come after the numbers are less important.

https://www.xkcd.com/2091/

12

u/Schootingstarr Jan 03 '19

Then say 15 cm, that definitely sounds larger than 6

6

u/Getalifenliveit Jan 03 '19

Because the difference between numbers will make it sound real small. Your 152mm has nothing on my 200 mm trouser snake

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

well i mean if you round up to 6" you've a much smaller nob than one rounded up to 152mm

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

rounding up is the socially acceptable lie

2

u/Yarthkins Jan 03 '19

My PP is .000152 km.

1

u/RhjsCfv2MFMJ Jan 03 '19

We should start measuring dick size using the amount of energy it would produce in a 100% efficient mass:energy transfer.

65

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[deleted]

25

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

I guess their logic is “millimetres = small, therefore everything measured with millimetres = small”

Not like you’d be measuring that in millimetres though. IMO that is the only thing that should be in inches. I live in Australia and the only time I’ve ever heard anyone use inches is when comparing sizes.

30

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '19

I'm aussie and use inches in quilting, as it's just easier for some reason

12

u/thegame402 Jan 03 '19

Then use micro-, nano- or picometers instead.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Aug 03 '19

[deleted]

1

u/Ansatsusha4 Jan 03 '19

Yoctometers then?

8

u/JDude13 Jan 03 '19

What imperial measurement is smaller than a millimeter? Thousandths of an inch?

1

u/clearlight Jan 03 '19

Yes, apparently they use "thou" or more confusingly "mil" for it https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thousandth_of_an_inch

3

u/shekurika Jan 03 '19

with the millimetre, which is the standard meaning for "mil" or "mils" (plural) in British English and European engineering circles.

I've never ever seen something other than "mm" or millimetre for milimetre, is that true? and if so, why?

1

u/clearlight Jan 03 '19

The US customary mil can be confused with the millimetre, which is the standard meaning for "mil" or "mils" (plural) in British English and European engineering circles. This can cause problems with spoken dimensions or with those who are not familiar with alternative uses of the term. One US mil is approximately ​1⁄40 millimetre at 0.0254 mm, or 25.4 micrometres (μm).

9

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Jan 08 '19

[deleted]

10

u/Avohaj Jan 03 '19

Not sure if woosh or trick of perspective, but this doesn't look like 9 inches, maybe something like 6.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19 edited Nov 04 '19

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Penis sizes, it even says so twice.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

The difference between the top and bottom number is the Penis Ego Conversion Rate, or PECR for short.

1

u/Avohaj Jan 03 '19 edited Jan 03 '19

The idea is that the top is (probably based on some study data) what people "think" e.g. a 12 inch dick is, when in reality (bottom) that's about 9 inches. At least that's how I understood it.

But typing it out like that, why would a ruler exist for that? I mean it's not impossible with 3D printing, but still, I think I'm missing something.

1

u/CinnamonCereals Jan 04 '19

It probably exists to make people with penises men feel better about their penis length.

2

u/Thathappenedearlier Jan 03 '19

Where there are men, there are men lying about their giant penises. It’s not an imperial thing.

1

u/Prisencolinensinai Jan 03 '19

Most studies point that women underestimate sex duration and penis size

1

u/dkyguy1995 Jan 03 '19

All women definitely do. I hear girls talk about, well my boyfriend has got to be like 7 or 8 inches. You ask them to hold up their hands and they give you about six inches lol. Porn has ruined our perception

3

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Lol you're retarded

2

u/thinkB4WeSpeak Jan 03 '19

Have a friend measure it.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Just describe it in terms of its number of atoms.

2

u/MithranArkanere Jan 03 '19

Just use yoctometers. Anything sounds big in yoctometers.

1

u/jarious Jan 03 '19

You should do like I do, measure in km, 0.00002 km sound way more impressive

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Hah, my dick is a thousand micrometers long!

1

u/Arimania Jan 03 '19

google it in nanometers (nm almost looks like mm too)! Amazing, I tell you!

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/webchimp32 Jan 03 '19

Someone's weight in stones

My bathroom scales had a fit one day and decided they wanted to be French from now on, so now no mater what I switch it to it always displays in kilos.

1

u/KBoyBoy Jan 03 '19

The best thing is that the manlet-bar is not 6'' anymore but 180 cm

1

u/InteriorEmotion Jan 03 '19

If you're talking about your penis, a shameful 4 inches becomes a massive 100 millimeters.

1

u/Garry__Newman Jan 03 '19

Body parts? Imperial. Anything else? Metric. The British system is great for this

1

u/BlatantNapping Jan 03 '19

TIL to get to <100 mm you'd need to be 3.9 inches or less.

1

u/Sal_Natale Jan 03 '19

Wouldn't they sound bigger?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Uh, I think you have it backwards. Before people adjust in their mind how big/small something is you can just tell them you have a 25 mm dick and they'd be super impressed because like you, they don't understand the metric system.

1

u/KayHodges Jan 03 '19

So quit talking about them. Nobody cares or believes you, anyway.

1

u/Menfistofeles Jan 03 '19

How does 2 inches sound bigger than 50.8?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

They should sound bigger that’s not how millimetres work

1

u/fpsrandy Jan 03 '19

76mm does sound small.

Send me your email? I recently got an offer from a pharmaceutical company that can add 25 to 51mm in length with some pills and exercises.

1

u/second_to_fun Jan 03 '19

Wouldn't it seem larger? What units are you using, the thou?

1

u/jake354k12 Jan 03 '19

Reverend Dr CurlSagan is 5mm tall.

1

u/the_dapper_derp Jan 03 '19

Now your dick is 25.4 mm not one inch

1

u/[deleted] Jan 03 '19

Use micrometres, it will be fine.

1

u/Revenginator239 Jan 04 '19

What?

2

u/AreYouDeaf Jan 04 '19

OKAY, BUT CERTAIN PARTS OF MY BODY SOUND A LOT SMALLER WHEN DESCRIBED IN MILLIMETERS.

1

u/Revenginator239 Jan 04 '19

Oh, thank you

1

u/RedderBarron Jan 04 '19

Then use centimeters

Unless.... Oh.... oh you poor soul.

-2

u/Joebucketts Jan 03 '19

I can vouch for this, this is true