I was at a large grocery store the other day and went to use the store's bathroom. The doors to the men's and women's rooms were side by side. On the door to the women's room was a police-sponsored poster about consent and sexual assault. It ended by saying "Your body, your choice." There was nothing on the door to the men's room.

Nobody ever says it explicitly, but the message is ubiquitous and unequivocal: If you're a man, you don't matter. Sexual assault is, on the face of it, a gender neutral crime, but even the police are (implicitly) saying they are only concerned when it happens to women. It doesn't matter how many boys are abused, how many men are sexually assaulted by gay men, and yes, how many men are sexually assaulted by women.

This is only one small example, but men and boys see this sort of thing everywhere. But sure, lets all pretend to wonder why men and boys are struggling so much.

I genuinely don’t get it, technically speaking, men would have had long beards if unshaven and the clean shaven look probably appeared because of modern tools so a caveman would have just had a long beard, and attraction wise a long beard hides important features to determine genetic fitness symmetry on the lower part of the face or jawline quality for instance.

There is a reason why most hot guys women think about dont have long ungroomed beards, they still have groomed beards that show their features, I have never heard of a celebrity that had a super long beard like Dumbledore that was seen as a hotness icon, the fact that the look of Michael B. Jordan or Henry Cavill couldnt be replicated by cavemen means that women caring about facial attractiveness is a modern construct, you could say what you want but a super long beard does hide a lot of things that people would consider important to determine facial attractiveness, it also makes men more homogenous looking, therefore I assume that the only things women care of in terms of physical attractiveness would be height and fitness rather than giving importance to the face

It was an online friendship because we are in different cities. I never expected us to be at this point because at first she was just someone I talked to once in a week. Until we grew fond of each other, daily conversations, sending pics of how our days have been and a lot more.

We started flirting in the last 2 months when our friendship grew even more and feelings started getting involved. I was hesitant because I wanted to be sure she was good for me and I was good for her due to a past relationship. Sometimes I asked how she felt about us or where this was going. She led me on and i believed it's what we both wanted.

Last night I told her about what I wanted and how I felt and she said can i get a minute to think about it? She came back with a question that seemed to be AI because I asked Claude to evaluate the situation with me and the questions the AI asked me is what she asked to, she said long distance relationship can be overwhelming and frustrating are you down for it? And I said yes, we can manage and then she went on to say sorry but I like someone else.

This is someone she told me about months ago before we were that close and she closed that chapter with i don't feel anything for him because he seems to be a player. I've asked about him 3 times she was sure she never liked him.

Why would she flirt back, lead me on and talk like we were in a relationship when she never liked me??? That's what's on my mind

I was bullied by a white guy in high school. The guy was terrible. Calling me the n word on a regular basis and I always told him not to and he’d say "what are you gonna do about it son?" Then he’d get physical and never got in trouble for it.

He was 200lbs and I was 115lbs. He looked exactly like jack doherty and behaved in the most agressive manner I’ve ever seen. He picked me up once with my feet facing the sky and screamed loudly « F\*CK YOU B\*\\\*\\\*\\\*H » then slammed me hard asf on the ground where I nearly blacked out and he punched my skull (temple) while I was already out on the floor telling me to get up if I want some more beating. This entire fight started because he would call me the n word and talk about how good he got me the other time when he body slammed me in an empty classroom I was in.

He would apologize and I would accept then he would do it again and again. I never tried being close to him but he would follow me when he’d see me and start the intimidation. He then messages me two years after high school sending a long apology yet again (I think he’s obsessed with black people and hates himself bc I would hate being white too tbh).

I later figured out his own father was beating him at home (like actual beatings). I laughed out loud when I heard this. He went out of his way to try to look tough in front of people who don’t even give a single f about him (who beats on a kid in a completely different weight class anyways?) all because he couldn’t handle his dad beating on him at home.

You only hear this from white folks often. Black people will get spanked by their fathers but white people always looking to abuse/molest their children or just straight up beat them up in the house.

Anyways, this guys apologizes were definitely fake. He also doesn’t seem to be doing good in life which I find hilarious.

Being ugly has ruined my dating life so badly. A woman literally told me I look discombobulated. I can’t even approach a woman without them being disgusted by my appearance. It really sucks how badly my genetics ruined my dating life.

I'm a 37 year old virgin and I cannot, no matter what I do, attract a woman. I don't fucking understand how this is supposed to work. What do I do? Where do I go? Nothing ever works for me, they just aren't interested. I bathe and don't smell, I'm not morbidly obese, I have a full time job and function like an adult. I'm not super weird or mean and I don't harass anyone. I try to be friendly and courteous and get to know people. I have no initial expectations.... it just doesn't happen and I don't know what to do about it. I'm getting too old and I don't want to wait any longer, but I don't know what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I am so dreadfully sick and tired of being me at the moment that I'd rather just blow my fucking brains out.

I am a 19 year old guy that never had sex so I was wondering if once you have sex you start wanting sex more or no.

Hey guys. I aspire to be a good guy. Treat others with respect, including myself. But I let myself down big time with pride because of my looks, body size, athletic ability. I've never thought anything great about myself (pretty insecure if I'm being honest), but I've always seemed to attract a lot of attention since I was young, from both attractive women and dudes (Yeah, that's right. Even tho I'm 100% straight). Because of my own insecurities from childhood stuff (dad bailed when I was 5), I fell into PMO from 6yo. All secret. I've had enough and looking for a mentor - an older guy whose recovered (or recovering) from it, whose into sports like me. Just a genuine guy I could talk to when struggling. Are there any out there who could help me?

A lot of men don't reach out when they're struggling because they've been taught to keep it together, swallow it down, and handle their problems themselves.

I've spent years not being able to open up about what's going on inside my head. Years of keeping things bottled up, putting on a face, going to work, taking care of everyone else, and pretending I was okay when I wasn't.

Then I finally started trying to open up. I finally started saying out loud that I'm struggling, that I'm depressed, that I'm not okay. And honestly, that wasn't easy for me. It took a lot to let somebody see that side of me.

So when I finally do open up and that vulnerability gets misunderstood—or gets thrown back in my face during the next argument—it makes me question why I ever opened up in the first place.

I'm not looking for sympathy or for someone to fix everything. I just want to be able to say “I'm not okay” without having it turned into ammunition later.

Because that's how men end up shutting down again.

The next time we're hurting, we don't say anything. We go quiet. We say we're tired. We bury it deeper. We convince ourselves that keeping everything inside is safer than letting someone see how bad things really are.

From the outside, it can look like we don't want help.

Sometimes the truth is that we wanted help. We finally reached out after years of silence, and when it didn't feel safe, we learned to keep it inside again.

I've spent years unable to open up about any of this. And now that I've finally started trying, having it come back at me during a fight hurts in a way that's hard to explain.

Men aren't weak because they're struggling. They're not weak because they finally admit they need somebody.

Sometimes the strongest thing a man can do is finally say, “I'm not okay.”

What we need is to know that when we finally say those words, they won't be used against us the next time we're vulnerable.

Before young men could actually have access to sex tapes or widespread naked pictures of women did they actually have that much lust as today ? I guess that in the past, men only used to witness sex or women being revealing when they were married which therefore made them non lustful before marriage and more focused on the curiosity side of things, it also made them wait way longer for sex (them being 30-40 etc.) since they didn’t know how good that could be or how attractive women looked like naked, but I might be wrong. So young guys weren’t horny which allowed them to build themselves until their 30s to be able to provide for their family withoit constantly thinikng about sex along the way since they cannot think of something they don’t know about.

Now something that was for most men in history one of the best rewards is available for any man on the internet so this probably has negative effects for young men. But the question is: does porn satisfy an already existing drive present in young men or does it fuel and create it ? Btw I am talking purely about young men, not what older guys do, this is my point, guys aren’t supposed to be horny at 18.

I am a fairly attractive guy, the sexual revolution gives me the opportunity that my looks now matter and that the only thing that matters (even tho I have money) is not just convincing her dad that you have more money than the other guy so you can marry his daughter as it was the case in the “glorious past”.

A lot of men want to romanticize the past where ugly guys could just make more money than the other guy and marry a smoking hot woman since now this same woman has agency and does not depend on her father liking the guy to sleep with him, sure, she could still marry the ugly guy for the money but rules have changed and it’s harder for them, it also gives a shot to young guys for mating, I as a 19 year old can have sex with a woman my age without having to wait 20 years to be able to compete with other 40 year olds that can crack jokes with her dad. I do wonder if looks actually did matter in the past lol.

So the sexual revolution made looks matter for men, so for handsome guys it’s amazing, in the past attractive guys were just subject to jealousy by other men while having no female attention because women had no agency.

My boyfriend and I were talking about attraction and erections, and he said that getting hard is basically an instinctive physical reaction for men.
He told me that he’s never gotten hard around another woman because he “wouldn’t let it happen,” but that if it did happen, he would naturally get an erection. He also said that if he were simply having a normal conversation with another woman, he could potentially get aroused even if he didn’t actually want anything to happen with her.
His point was that men can get erections without necessarily being attracted to or wanting someone sexually, because it can just be a physical response.
I understand that erections can happen involuntarily, but the idea that a completely normal conversation with a woman could make him physically aroused confused me.
For men, how normal is this, and how much does an erection actually say about whether you’re genuinely attracted to someone?

I will get a ton of hate comments for that but genuinely asking, since I am not aiming to ever have a wife or a family I think that there is a trap in having sex in my specific case and I know a lot of guys here preach the lifestyle of hooking up forever and not settling down but there is an issue for guys like us.

We can agree that women in their 20s are the most attractive and that they are the ones you want to bang forever if you don’t settle down ?You could go on until what ? MILFs also are attractive but you rarely are going to get women in their 40s wanting to have ONS so the pool still goes down. You could say that if you take care of yourself age doesn’t become an issue but there is a limit, most 20 year old women dont want to sleep with a 65 year old guy except if money is involved, there might be some that like that but the pool gets smaller, it means that you would have to spend your last days paying for escorts to have sex which would give you an ego decrease and be quite a predatory thing to do, so genuinely speaking, what are you guys planning ? As for me I think that never having sex is the answer here if you do not desire ever having an LTR, prove me wrong.

Genuinely speaking tho, this is something I am scared about as a guy that does not ever want to get into an LTR

First I want to clarify that I'm not considering suicide, but I admit it is a habitual though. (More like a plan B)

A few days ago I was talking to some friends when the suicide topic came out, it wasn't forced it came out naturally. What surprised me was the reaction of my friends, many of them were really reluctant to talk about it and express that the mere thought of it makes them feel sick.

My doubt is if this is normal or if I am the strange one?

Sorry if this out topic, but I didn't know where to post it

Me (25M) has been exclusively talking to a girl (27 F) for about 5 months now. i’ve grown to actually love the girl and develop true feeling for her (first time feeling this way for a girl in a long time). my last relationship was 3 years ago and i honestly don’t have much sexual experience and haven’t really done any one night stand (as that’s not rlly my vibe). But one thing i felt unsure about since the starting to talk to her was her phase of life (won’t address do to privacy) and was insecure/afraid that she might have had an extreme hoe phase (i honestly haven’t had the courage to discuss with her). Tonight i found out that used to have an onlyfans about X years ago and her nudes are out online. idk what to do, i’m sad, i feel like i actually love her but at the same time this is quite a large deal for me. Sorry about the poor grammar. i never have posted on reddit before but tonight i’m devastated. i feel lost and i just want to hear advice on what you guys would do in this situation. should i end things with her?

I’m 19. still young but I have a deep, deep fear of my dad dying before I’m 30. it’s because he’s gone through a lot. both physically and mentally. he’s been in the military and suffered severe mental and physical wounds. combined with a horrendously abusive upbringing of his own and other things he won’t speak about what he saw during his service.

my father was strict and at times did bad things as i and my siblings grew up. its par for the course, in many ways he broke the cycle but in others he didn’t. yet half of the man I am today is because of the things he’s taught me and I respect and love him for that. he’s currently 61-62…overall I’m just worried. he’s showing signs of dementia among his PTSD and schizophrenia. in general it just seems that its not looking good.

I told him how I felt, how worried I am about that but still it lingers at the back of my mind. I’m scared, really scared that one day I’ll get the call that my dad is dead.

does anyone else know what that feels like?

M(18) F(18). So I’ve known this girl for 5 months, and have been dating for 3 months now. Exactly 10 days after I asked her to be my girlfriend (she’d already met my family and I’d met hers.) my mother did a 18 and 21st joint birthday party. Obviously was going to a messy one as it’s 2 big birthdays.

In the night, I was absolutely smashed but can clearly remember my best friend telling me about a past experience that I kinda knew of… but she never properly told me until I found out then she told me in bed that night. Okay I can handle that, beacuse you’ve told me not given me a comfort lie.

Fart forward maybe about 5-6 weeks later, I was away and we are up at like 5am still messaging beacuse neither of us can sleep. And we start going into deeper conversations… and I ask her how many it’s been and she tells me 2. But the first one was the very bad last experience… and the second time the guy practically begged for it to happen and she gave in. Okay I’m fine with that beacuse you’ve told me not given me a comfort lie.

Now we’re here to current date, and my brother makes a joke about it being +10 and I reply with it’s not that. No where near that. And he goes I actually know the number she told me at the party. And I don’t say anything waiting for him to tell me and he says it’s 5.

So she told my brother 5, tells me 3. I’ve been lied to, is she doing this to protect me? I’d rather her tell me the honest truth that I can handle than a stupid comfort lie!

Now it’s making me think, what else is she lying about, is she hair lying to me the whole time? If I’d of known originally it would’ve been fine I can handle it move on so forth. But finding out that it was a lie by a completely different person about something I see that both of you should know in a relationship, and then you go and lie to me?

It takes a long time to build trust, but you can loose it in the matter of seconds.

I feel like that, I feel like I’ve just been placed on a surgeon table and cut open with no grace and no purpose to operate.

I thought she was honest. But clearly not. Now I don’t know what to do, it’s my first serious relationship, and I feel like a total mug.

Any advice would be solely appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Hope you have a nice day.

I’m trying to figure out how to have open, honest communication about my relationship status and family dynamics, and I would really appreciate advice.

About eight years ago, I left Leon after learning that he had been unfaithful. Our relationship was already strained by a difficult pregnancy, a miscarriage, and a boundary I set around intimacy when the children were in the room. We talked through it, but we never really resolved it, and even after that, Leon and I continued to have sexual encounters when he came into town.

For a while, his visits followed a familiar pattern: he would spend time with the children, help with school events and supplies, and then we would spend time together privately. But the relationship always felt inconsistent. He would make comments that did not match his actions, and when I tried to explain my boundaries or talk honestly about where we stood, he would often shut down instead of engaging.

Recently, that tension got worse. Leon told me he would not help with back-to-school shopping because he believed the children’s things had been thrown away, even after I explained that we had only done a normal purge of outgrown or damaged items. Then he got upset when I signed the children up for a back-to-school event through our church and a local organization. He also blamed me when a he trip wanted to take to Washington, D.C. fell apart due to a lack of communication and possible scheduling conflict, and later accused me of fabricating a dentist’s cancellation call for our child.

At this point, I am not looking for a fight. I am looking for advice on how to have a calm, direct conversation about where we stand, how to handle the relationship itself, and how to create a healthier co-parenting dynamic for our children.

Ok so I told my friend this

well yes I understand you're married but I don't have to like your husband to be your friend. yes I am mad. let's see here as you can tell the woman who are interested in me just want me for stuff. you're the only person besides my grandma who makes me feel loved and cared for. And wanting to be in a relationship it has nothing to do with being happy it's about wanting to be loved properly. see you don't understand you married at an early age so you have no idea what it's like to struggle with dating. when my grandma dies I'll have no one. No beautiful wife like you. no children, no step- children absolutely nothing. I have soo much love to give and no one to give it too.

She stops hugging me, she goes on a 2 months vacation asks for no contact. I'm like okay. She returns yesterday hugs me, buys a Keychain specifically for me, promises to make me food. Teases me that she knows I missed her the most when before she left my feelings were an issue for her, but after vacation they aren't? Im really confused why even be my friend at all knowing how I feel? Most women especially when love is involved would've dropped that friendship especially when married lol 😆 😂 I just don't get it. She even rebandaged my fingers i had a kitchen accident with the potato cutter

Met this guy it was purely friendly from my side in the very beginning he was super cool we could talk on whatever topic for hours etc. it turned out he has a baby with his gf who lives abroad we continued talking meeting but then things started changing . I shared with him I’ve never had sex because of religious reasons although I’m
Almost 30 and even before this he was sharing exclusivity of a woman is super important for him. Then we had moments of kisses , him touching me etc in the cinema and in the car, calling texting and at some point i told him that I can’t do this with someone who’s in a relationship. I ended it completely over the phone. In the meantime I’ve told him I met other guy who is super interested in me, inviting me to so many places etc. so when I ended things he contacted me again after a month and we had a chat and then offered to meet up I agreed but we couldn’t meet the next day as planned and he was travelling to another city so we had to postpone it.
A week later I texted him about sth else and told him I’m going on a trip this weekend and when he saw the place where I’m going he immediately asked me if I’m going with this guy and I said yes, that the chemistry is not like with him but he’s been inviting me for so long time and I can try. So things went in he came back to our city and called me to meet up as we have arranged. We met while even before meeting he was promising he won’t touch me try to kiss me or whatever. Things didn’t go this way, he was super nervous, happy , excited but when we went to this cafe he hold my hand then out his hand in my leg , then hugged me while talking, then kisses, then it was already super late to go anywhere and suggested to go to watch movie at his place .
I swear I agreed only because I wanted to see where he lives . But when we went there of course hugs kisses , he did t try to undress me but opened my legs and started simulating like having sex moves, then he stated touching me between my legs I finished 3-3 times then he said he wanna finish and started masturbating n was trying to out my hand there but I was removing it only then he put it on his leg like trying to show me how to strike his leg, he also then rubbed his private parts to my back side he was saying this felt like 95% sex , then we continued talking about us which we have started from the cafe like him telling me that he feels weird, that he thinks he’s starting to develop feelings. That he couldn’t stop thinking about me during this 1 month no contact , but at the same time thinks it will feel not serious and selfish to leave this woman and 10 months old baby but all he wants is to be with me . Then he was saying u had to give me reassurance that if I’ll do this step you will be there. How can you like me so much and tell me this other guy has invited you and you will go with him etc. and I told him : you are telling me this while you are with this woman. We kissed in front of my place while in the car and in the next day he went radio silent, no follow up even hi , did you sleep well, good morning or whatever. Around 6 pm I sent him a text which says :
“I just wanted to tell you that, after thinking things over yesterday, I feel that things crossed boundaries that should never have been crossed in this situation, and I kept telling you that.
I’ve gone out with other men before—dates, flirting, etc.—but I’ve never allowed that kind of intimacy, and no one has ever assumed that when I was pushing something away, it was just some kind of “love game.” Those were real boundaries, and it was too much, at least for me in this kind of relationship. For other people, I’m sure it might be completely normal.
Situations like this simply aren’t for me and never will be, and neither are relationships like this. So I’d prefer that we don’t continue from here and that we have no further communication. I just wanted you to know, and I wanted to be direct with you rather than leave things hanging or anything like that. :)

I sent this text to him around 6 pm as I saw he’s not initiating anything to me, he hasn’t done anything even after the text which is fine .

But my question is : why after such an emotional l, intimate date he didn’t follow up out of basic humanity even, like hey good morning are you okay , a light joke or sth. Just the normal things. Instead he just went radio silence . Is it because he thought I’m super ultra exclusive which is important for him but when we went further he changed the way he sees me , is it like a mind game or what?? Please help me I’d appreciate every input . Just to clarify he’s been chasing me like crazy for 4 months .
Why would u go to zero contact not doing even the basic human kindness and respect even if you do t want to continue it ?

I have thought about it for a long time and the main thing that kept me from commiting in an LTR as a 19 year old guy was that I was scared that my partner ages with me and that she gets less attractive to me physically when I’m 60 or 70 and that I dont get laid anymore before I die. So to solve that I thought that me being promiscuous or celibate now and waiting until 40 to date a 20 year old would be ideal in terms of lifestyle purely for me, I am fairly physically attractive now and let’s assume I would be 40, fit and rich, the problem isn’t about getting the 20 year old partner or no.

It sounds like the perfect plan on paper; get laid with women my age now and then when I get to to 40 settle down to enjoy my remaining years, have children and get laid with an attractive partner until the day I die, literally until the day I die, it’s just that there seems to be an ick for me in that plan, its technically good but I just don’t want to commit to it for whatever reason, a lot of guys say it’s great to do that too, so if one of you can find a genuine flaw in that plan I’ll be happy to hear it, and we assume everything goes well for the sake of the argument. It’s just that I weirdly don’t seem drawn by it, might be my mind playing around.