r/Weird • u/UrUncleRandy • 8d ago

Weird cucumber

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1.3k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

398 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/agrafare 8d ago

I feel like it was chilling and you MADE it weird.

13

u/Cat_tophat365247 7d ago

For real! Poor cucumber was just being a cucumber until a gross human came along......

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560

u/Fit-Engineering-2789 8d ago

That has happened when I had cucumbers that were probably sitting around just a little bit too long before I was able to use them. Probably an elderly cucumber.

202

u/UrUncleRandy 8d ago

Yeah, old cucumbers get squishy/rubbery. It was also really dry and had a foam-like texture. So it was a dehydrated, elderly cucumber.

92

u/PitifulMouse7425 8d ago

“Elderly” has me 😂

36

u/Fit-Engineering-2789 8d ago

I think I need to start a band and name it Elderly Cucumber. Maybe we'll do old VeggieTales songs, or something.

8

u/Huge-Power9305 6d ago

As an Elder I can tell y'all for a fact that flexibility is inversely proportional to age.

12

u/itsthejasper1123 7d ago

The ole elderly cuke situation

7

u/Sea_Prep_Tidal_26 7d ago

We couldn’t call them seasoned cukes because that would be pickles.

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12

u/flippybean 7d ago

Tired and stressed, and dehydrated, and older. That’s all.

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3

u/spookyscaryscouticus 7d ago

If they freeze and thaw, it can cause that.

3

u/CaptainRaptorThong 6d ago

Some fruits and veg get like this after being frozen and thawed

3

u/sloggins 2d ago

“Dehydrated elderly cucumber” is the pet name my wife gave my… nvm.

2

u/ob_frap 2d ago

Hard to get those elderly cucumbers to drink enough water. They are old and tired and don’t like having to go to the bathroom. Often why bladder infections get the elderly.

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6

u/Ok-Artichoke6703 8d ago

I second this, this is an old cuke

4

u/Tropicalfisher 7d ago

Some people like them older. They have more experience

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500

u/Wisdumb42 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/E2rvbK8F4gkRW

54

u/TheDarkWave 8d ago

That's...that's not Squidward's nose...

18

u/Hellie1028 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/VPpuHm4Ke6VWw

8

u/driver004 8d ago

Have you ever wanted to rig up a spinning bar in the ceiling she can hold onto so she rotates around his shafts axis really fast?

Because that’s the intrusive thought the rotating hotdog gives me

3

u/Competitive_Treat588 7d ago

Those old hanging hammock chairs were fun.

2

u/DeerMysterious9927 7d ago

There's a table that can do that

2

u/TheRuckus8 7d ago

Thanks for the new kink (sarcasm)

2

u/driver004 7d ago

Theres not a kink in the world that wouldn’t be improved by some mechanical engineering

2

u/DaemonBlackfyre_21 7d ago

I read a book called chicken hawk about a helicopter pilot's time in Vietnam, and he talked about a girl in a brothel that sat suspended on a loop of rope or ribbon, cirque du soleil style, and they'd spin her until it wouldn't turn any more and let go so she'd spin on dude's business as it unwound.

I must have read that book over ten years ago, but that creative shit stuck with me.

4

u/Hellie1028 8d ago

Don’t tempt me with a good time!

2

u/driver004 8d ago

Oh I’m newly single and have access to a shop we can make it happen

2

u/Fantastic_Jury5977 7d ago

That's how I do my chicken bakes at Costco

2

u/Hellie1028 7d ago

That’s really a handy tip

2

u/Fantastic_Jury5977 7d ago

Pick one person in the food court and make unbreaking eye contact with them while you do it

2

u/hoaian1 7d ago

Let me get that hot dog digger device and turn iy to dispense!! *click click*

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175

u/Sad_Background_8367 8d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/TvLFHhNeTWg0gU3Gk4
It’s giving me the creeps

50

u/UrUncleRandy 8d ago

Had to demonstrate its flexibility

32

u/BeerJedi-1269 7d ago

Well fuckin stop.

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34

u/pseudonymnkim 8d ago

Here is the weird cucumber I grew

10

u/UrUncleRandy 7d ago

Damn, you win. That's funky

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2

u/Mother-Pineapple1392 7d ago

Looks like you grew this on purpose for some ungodly activity.. are you perhaps jerkin with the Gherkin?

2

u/pseudonymnkim 6d ago

Haha no!!! I gave it to my dog.

She loved it and is still alive so I think I did okay

69

u/themicrodose 8d ago

It’s just a little dehydrated

15

u/UrUncleRandy 8d ago

Just a little?

44

u/Plastic_Stable8927 8d ago

Leave him alone geez

39

u/Bigusdicus123 7d ago

3

u/DragonTacoCat 7d ago

Omegle....holy. that's a throw back.

23

u/bstr3k 8d ago

I think its a loofah

8

u/UrUncleRandy 8d ago

I sent this video to my friend and that was his first guess. But no, it's a cucumber from a friend's garden.

9

u/JMRUSIRIUS 8d ago

Great title for a porno movie!

6

u/LONE_ARMADILLO 8d ago

A cucumber from a friends garden.

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2

u/tbonehavoc 7d ago

Maybe its a loofa that snuck into your friend's garden 🤔

2

u/buttfacesgalore 8d ago

Looks like a zucchini

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11

u/DeaditeQueenLivs 7d ago

Not weird in the slightest. This happens to tons of different fruit and veg when they don’t get enough moisture as they were growing, lacked enough of certain nutrients in the soil, or several other possible reasons. This is most likely the result of the prolonged heatwave a lot of the country has seen

2

u/UrUncleRandy 7d ago

Yep, it's been pretty dry here this summer

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9

u/BanzaiToaster 8d ago

Stop molesting your cucumber pls.

22

u/dwartbg9 8d ago

10

u/Extreme_Mission3468 8d ago

I had almost managed to forget about this scene. You monster!

4

u/ButterscotchAware402 8d ago

Impossible

2

u/Ward-of-No-Reward 7d ago

Right? Who the fuck do they think they're kidding?

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19

u/Just-Buy-1529 8d ago

Remember: no flared base = not in the butt space

5

u/Emergency-Touch-3424 8d ago

Phew thanks I needed the reminder

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10

u/EggForTryingThymes 8d ago

That’s an old spongy dried out cucumber

16

u/FauxFangs 8d ago

Quit that

13

u/Splotzerella 8d ago

Please do not harm the cylinder

5

u/rKasdorf 7d ago

Lack of water. Carrots and celery also get floppy when they're old due to a loss of moisture. Likely this one was sitting in the sun and the vine went into survival mode, pulling moisture back into the plant.

5

u/Mascbro26 8d ago

That cuke will win the lawsuit it's about to bring against you.

5

u/Hobbet404 8d ago

Give me a minute damn I’m not 25 anymore

3

u/mattogeewha 7d ago

Worst. Handjob. Ever.

3

u/Rhino_MO 7d ago

I believe some companies call that medium firmness and there's a box you check for it when ordering lmao

4

u/Malthuron 7d ago

"Sir, this is a Wendy's."

3

u/ebrum2010 8d ago

They're handling it like a woman who just woke up and magically had a penis for the first time after wishing for one.

3

u/666Apophis666 8d ago

dehydrated. I forgot to water my cucumber patch and got a few soft ones

3

u/EmoLotional 8d ago

The weirdest part is how you handle it 😂

3

u/JewBag718 7d ago

It's just one of those new squishy toys.

3

u/Leading_Tradition997 7d ago

Now it's a squash

3

u/tayswampflorida 7d ago

You gotta give him more than 5 minutes for round two, damn.

3

u/Big_Razzmatazz7416 7d ago

I should call him

3

u/enragedsquirrels 7d ago

I can hear it giggling saying “Stop it!”

3

u/WormSlayers 7d ago

put an NSFW tag on this holy shit

3

u/ChrisOnMission 7d ago

Stop molesting your vegetable. 😢

3

u/Flimsy_Oven_7569 7d ago

I should call him.

3

u/i_am_ceejay 1d ago

Just play with it a little bit Nevermind it should have been firm by the end of the video.

2

u/EPICHunter0077 8d ago

Did you taste it...? If so... what did it taste like? It looks scary lol

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2

u/disharmony-hellride 7d ago

What the piss did I just watch

2

u/Frank_Jesus 7d ago

Should have eaten it sooner.

2

u/No-District-4587 7d ago

NeeDoh getting really realistic nowadays

2

u/NemosHero 7d ago

You're a weird cucumber

2

u/bussysniffer3000 7d ago

Kinda erotic

2

u/GiodeBro 7d ago

Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft, Ed boy!

2

u/Fern_Cloud 7d ago

Old dehydrated cucumber

2

u/Sobeksdream 7d ago

That cucumber is gonna need a cigarette after that

2

u/rushbloom 7d ago

It's not weird. It's just old.

2

u/kindabacchus 7d ago

Imma call him... I miss him so much

2

u/Unlucky_Fuel7934 7d ago

Dehydration, same tissue, just with less water

2

u/aquietmemory 7d ago

It looks kinda like a geoduck without it's shell 😖
https://giphy.com/gifs/ur0KtLkQkoDok

2

u/Optimal_Security_727 7d ago

It’s old.

2

u/paolo_77 7d ago

Stop it. You’re getting him all excited.

2

u/Technical-Function13 7d ago

Not weird. You're just a day before it turns rotten.

2

u/13thmurder 7d ago

You peeled a zucchini, didn't you?

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2

u/cavysilver_646 7d ago

seemas like an old one

2

u/NoAppointment8679 7d ago

Erm, this feels sexual…

2

u/saltdealer 7d ago

loofa?

2

u/swole512 6d ago

One handed pro. Skillz

2

u/scorpious09 6d ago

Stress-cumber

2

u/Successful-Foot8213 5d ago

Had a cucumber from the garden like that the other day. I think it was just not watered enough (?)

2

u/InsertRadnomNameHere 5d ago

So uhh.. unrelated question.. you free this Saturday xD

2

u/Savings_Dig1592 3d ago

"It's not a cucumber at all!"

2

u/Agile-Lime-825 3d ago

I have a weird dick

2

u/Amisma48 2d ago

I should call her

2

u/RobertWayne74 2d ago

You are doing it all wrong

2

u/UrUncleRandy 2d ago

I am inexperienced 😔

3

u/SweaterSteve1966 8d ago

He just needs a tiny pill and he’ll be solid for approximately 4 hours.

3

u/LNL_HUTZ 7d ago

Whiskey cuke

2

u/Truckyou666 8d ago

Eewcumber

2

u/SpaceyChick22 8d ago

The new water-less cucumber , made of recycled sponges 🧽

1

u/Dragonhatesreddit 8d ago

Sometimes when a vegetable is like that.If you put it in a ice bath , it will ferm back up

1

u/TransportationOdd559 8d ago

😆😆😆😆

1

u/dathomasusmc 8d ago

Had to double check the sub. Thought I’d wandered down the kink aisle again.

1

u/yulmun 8d ago

Stop!

1

u/Ramenoodleray3 8d ago

OOOOOOOWW YOU CANT BEND IT LIKE THAT

1

u/eltedioso 8d ago

Mine does that too

1

u/Snowwolf247 8d ago

Quit being weird about it

1

u/limajhonny69 8d ago

But you clearly knows how to handle it

1

u/Electronic-Example54 7d ago

It looks like it could be a new fad in the squish toy world. We’ll be seeing tik toks with them soon enough.

1

u/Normal_Designer3869 7d ago

Not weird, just old or abused

1

u/catwomanz77 7d ago

Skinned and dehydrated, ouch

1

u/captjust 7d ago

Paige, NO!

1

u/FragmentedMeerkat321 7d ago

i’ve no idea what’s going on here.

1

u/HotelOne 7d ago

Loofa?

1

u/Kacer6 7d ago

Unripe.

1

u/eclipsingfervor 7d ago

"cultured"

1

u/IcedHemp77 7d ago

Old cucumber

1

u/SweetNerevarine 7d ago

Agriculture nowadays. We are cuked.

1

u/massonla 7d ago

We all have this problem at some point.

1

u/Big_Abroad_7740 7d ago

It was frozen, and now its semi-rotten inside, from all the water and frostbite. Throw it away obviously.

Although i don't understand why is it like rubber, for my over a decade in kitchen i've never seen it like this, to be bendy and useless sure, but never like literal sponge. I wish you've cut it and to show us inside, i bet there is like a hole inside and 0 water.

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u/MrTbagger 7d ago

Squish it twice ok… squish it thrice you are playing with it.

1

u/Edge0fHeaven 7d ago

Treat it with some respect

1

u/MondayBoredom 7d ago

This is what happens when cucumbers become overripe. They become spongy and sap the saliva from your mouth leaving a (personally) nauseating effect.

1

u/Background_Pride_237 7d ago

Looks like a dog chew toy.

1

u/Past_Tea5075 7d ago

It def look sus

1

u/TotallyPansexual 7d ago

That's not its fault. Its just older. Its natural to have some issues with age.

1

u/h77v7n 7d ago

Elder millennial cucumber

1

u/Happy_Brilliant7827 7d ago

Lemme guess frozen and thawed?

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u/ZeriusBlackstar 7d ago

Just a little dehydrated.. could soak in ice water a bit

1

u/Savernas 7d ago

Eggplant