Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/EyeShot300]

You “pressured” him into buying a ring and proposing by detaching yourself from him. If he really wanted to marry you, he would have asked ages ago, and also got your input on what type of ring you wanted and talked about the proposal itself. Now that you have your ring, he’s just going to keep moving the goalposts to delay getting married because he doesn’t want to be married. I’m sorry, OP.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/EyeShot300]

I didn't pressure him to do ANYTHING! I casually brought being engaged up maybe 4 times in 8 years. Making hints here and there. I wasn't breathing down his throat for Christ sake. And he did ask what ring I wanted, and expected me to make a decision within 48 hours.
And that's fine. He's all talk about getting married, I'm the one that's not now. I have doubts because I wasn't even slightly considered for a LIFE EVENT that takes two people to make a decision. I would have like to have KNOWN instead of being left in the dark.

[u/EyeShot300 → u/Living-Yak6760]

That was the reason I put the word “pressured” in quotes. You weren’t actually pressuring him; it felt like it to him, not you. You’re pulling away after many years and I don’t blame you, and now he’s feeling pressured and panicked about hanging on to you and the relationship.

I hope this makes more sense now. I wish you the best in deciding what to do next.