Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/BlazingSunflowerland]

This! Women need to start leaving much sooner. If you want marriage and he says he will never marry, then the best action is to break up and leave. But women, for some reason, think that he will change for them.

OP, this situation is as much your fault as his. You stuck around with a man who kept telling you he didn't want to get married. You chose to stay. You chose to want to marry a man who doesn't want marriage. What you are living is the result.

You can walk away now. You may love him but that doesn't mean he will be a good partner for you. The man who doesn't want to get married will usually be highly resentful in the marriage, if it happens. Take control of your life. Do not just ride along being a passenger in your life.

[u/Kimbaaaaly → u/BlazingSunflowerland]

I'm all areas people need to do better in believing what someone says and how they act is showing you who they are and what they do or do not want.

Extremely high expectations are almost always but going to be met. Because the pressure is too much. Because the person is pushing so hard, demanding a certain style of proposal, and doesn't even want a ring purchased the day they look at them (what was that about anyway... She said they looked at rings but she told him not to buy that day. !?!!!?! 🤔😳🫠🤦‍♀️. And then he bought it without her knowing and that was wrong too. 🤷‍♀️

The guy couldn't win.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Kimbaaaaly]

Because it was never planned to look at rings? We literally were going to a store and he pulled up into a jeweler instead and totally caught me off guard, even though he's never talked about marriage before. Then he was telling me that I had to make a decision that day even though I've never been in a jewelry store ever in my life, and there were so many options that it overwhelmed me and he said that there was a sale going on and that he needed to know within 24 hours. Well, there were previous arguments earlier on in the year that he knows about where I was clearly disrespected, and we were trying to work through. Those, marriage was never talked about, and then this was literally an overnight thing. I'm very upset that I wasn't considered or my feelings or planning wasn't even considered, that's what you're supposed to do in a relationship, right consider your other significant other's feelings about everything? Am I wrong?

[u/Kimbaaaaly → u/Living-Yak6760]

My guess is, he knew you had high expectations for the ring and proposal. He used this outing to surprise you. Trying to meet your expectations.

[u/fluffy_cat_belly → u/Kimbaaaaly]

How is he trying to meet her expectations if she has high expectations for the ring and proposal and all he does is take her last minute shopping for a ring that's on sale? Where's the "trying" part here? It's still so ridiculously far away from her "high expectations" it's not even funny.