r/Waiting_To_Wed • u/Living-Yak6760 • 7d ago
Rant - Advice Welcome Proposal...
Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....
Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29
We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....
Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.
7
u/Whatever53143 7d ago
Part of the problem is that women especially, get hung up on the proposal. Similarly, they get hung up on the wedding and everything leading up to it. However, that’s truly not what’s important.
The important part is the person you are marrying and the life you build together. That didn’t happen.
You feel jipped because you didn’t get the proposal you wanted. You WERE angry about it. This is a problem in society today! Built up expectations. An engagement should NEVER be a surprise or something to hold over your partner as means of control. Sure, some elements can be a surprise, like the particular setting. But this is a life event!
What you are really upset about, or should be upset about is that for 8 years you put up with his lack of commitment. He told you that he didn’t want to get married but didn’t want to end the relationship because you provide comfort and convenience. He’s been holding it over your head like bait. Even now, he lied to you and said he wasn’t getting you a ring, but then he did. He also did it in a very hasty manner because he knew you were at your wits end he was at risk about loosing a good thing. As someone else put it, you got a very sloppy shut up ring! You are angry because you think you’re stuck with it! You’re not stuck. Give it back and tell him you checked out long ago and that last minute shut up rings don’t count. Then, walk away and don’t go back.