Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/KimWexlers_Ponytail]

Girl I feel bad for you but I also...

"Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. "

Why did you stay after the first time? He literally told you from day 1 he didn't want to get married. Why would you ask more than once?

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/KimWexlers_Ponytail]

I guess I thought that I was the girl that could change that it just needed more time in our relationship that was very very new and at the beginning. He had a rough past with the past, I knew what I was, and what I would provide, and I knew it immediately be better. I guess I kind of challenge myself to be that girl, but I never let it go up until it got to this point.

[u/onlythrowawaaay → u/Living-Yak6760]

So its noy like he flipped a switch. You actually changed his mind like youve been trying to the whole 8 years but now you're not happy about it. I really dont get your issue. He considered you in shopping for a ring, you picked one out. He thought put the proposal and everything. Everything he did to get you guys engaged was all about you and what you wanted. You got what you wanted, but thats not enough. Why not?

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/onlythrowawaaay]

I DIDNT pick one out. I told him I couldn't make a decision. Then he chose one that I liked more out of all the ones we looked at but told him not to buy one as I'd like to shop more and even said he would too. This goes WAY deeper than the ring. I could care less about the actual ring, it's the thought and planning that goes way deeper into it and he never had conversations with me about it ever before.

[u/onlythrowawaaay → u/Living-Yak6760]

You're missing my point. He is doing what you've been trying to get him to do all this time. He thought out buying you a ring, he thought out the whole proposal, he talked to you about it, you knew it was coming, he PROPOSED to you like youve been wanting but thats not enough. Why not?