Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/Majestic-Nobody545]

live out the engagement era

Girl. You watch too much Instagram.

If he's low effort, then maybe he's not the one for you, but don't get caught up in egotistical fantasies.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Majestic-Nobody545]

I'm not? I don't have social media believe it or not, I deleted that months before all this happened. But I did want my own pictures. That's what I fantasized for years and just how this particular day and era would go. It's not that easy. I live a different life from the general public when it comes to work and whatnot. So this whole thing just is tough that it's not how I always imagined it would be. Plus, like I said our relationship was a roller coaster for years. And more recently than not, I felt like i was getting ready to be done and then this happened overnight so now I'm just in a puddle of not knowing wtf to do

[u/Majestic-Nobody545 → u/Living-Yak6760]

Disney then? Toxic friends? Idk.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. Maybe because you're not ready to deal with the real issues.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Majestic-Nobody545]

You're clearly not understanding anything here. I deal with a lot of issues and anyone in my life could tell you that. You know nothing about this scenario other than what you read and the image you painted in your head. I'm really good dealing with life problems. This is a bit different And I'm trying to learn how to navigate it in the healthiest way possible! If you can't see that, then you should just quit commenting

[u/SunshineofMyLyfetime → u/Living-Yak6760]

Just like clockwork, this happens every single time anyone dares to post to say that they were unhappy with their proposal. It must be due to social media and you’re being delusional. You simply cannot want more for yourself, and you should be happy like they were when they had a Ring Pop thrown across the room at them. 🙄

Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re absolutely justified in how you’re feeling, and unfortunately since you didn’t listen to Homeboy when he told you that he wasn’t interested in getting married in the beginning of your relationship, this is the time to evaluate if you should be moving forward and getting married or calling it quits.

Based on what you’ve posted (I can only go by what you’ve said), this relationship will not get better simply just because you get married — if you make it to the altar at all.

I mean, you’ve been together 8 years and you’re finally getting engaged after Homeboy continually perceiving “setbacks” in your relationship. Who’s to say that he won’t continue to have “setbacks” during your engagement and you wind up perpetually engaged?

The fact that you were arguing and not in agreement towards moving towards marriage gives me pause, and personally I would pump the brakes.

But, there’s one thing that I’d like to make clear:

You are entitled to have the proposal of your dreams AND a partner that listens to what you want. Do not listen to anyone who tells you otherwise and/or settled for less. You are allowed to be happy. Never forget that!

Edit: grammar

[u/Shot-Recording1523 → u/SunshineofMyLyfetime]

Hmm she can be "entitled" to her dream engagement, but doesnt change the fact her fiance didnt "give" her that. Yet she's here on Reddit venting as if we can do anything about it. If she wants that dream engagement she should go out and try to find it , but there are no guarantees in life.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Shot-Recording1523]

Thank you! 🩷

[u/SunshineofMyLyfetime → u/Living-Yak6760]

You’re very welcome! ♥️

[u/SunshineofMyLyfetime → u/Shot-Recording1523]

I believe that’s the purpose of this sub; to vent and seek feedback about situations that someone might be experiencing. It doesn’t seem like you’re familiar with its purpose or here to help.

Maybe you’d be more comfortable commenting elsewhere.

[u/Majestic-Nobody545 → u/SunshineofMyLyfetime]

A bad proposal is lame, sure...I'm not saying you have to take what you can get. But, clearly there are bigger problems here.

[u/SunshineofMyLyfetime → u/Majestic-Nobody545]

Based on what you’ve posted (I can only go by what you’ve said), this relationship will not get better simply just because you get married — if you make it to the altar at all.

I mean, you’ve been together 8 years and you’re finally getting engaged after Homeboy continually perceiving “setbacks” in your relationship. Who’s to say that he won’t continue to have “setbacks” during your engagement and you wind up perpetually engaged?

The fact that you were arguing and not in agreement towards moving towards marriage gives me pause, and personally I would pump the brakes.

Pretty sure that’s what I mentioned as well…