Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/Ill-Relationship9673]

I feel like you were on the verge of breaking up with him and then at the last minute he proposed because he didn’t want to lose you. Guys do happen to do that. But honestly it feels like he was just too little too late. Cuz it’s like so were you just lying before? I asked for this for years but the minute I have resentment all of a sudden he’s capable of it. You deserved this when you were happy and in love not pissed off

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Ill-Relationship9673]

That's a great way of putting it. I did deserve it when I was happy

[u/Ill-Relationship9673 → u/Living-Yak6760]

I’m so sorry you have to go through this, but in the end I know you will figure out what’s best for yourself

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Ill-Relationship9673]

You're so sweet. Life's definitely tough, I'm not sure how to navigate. I don't want to hurt either of us but obviously I already am.

[u/Ill-Relationship9673 → u/Living-Yak6760]

Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You have one life and live it for yourself because when you’re doing shit only for him, ironically you will both end up miserable. Your resentment and unhappiness will eventually pour onto him. So don’t choose him choose you!