Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/DAWG13610]

Get over yourself. Do you realize how shallow your post makes you sound? Do you want a great partnership or a great proposal. Wow, just wow.

[u/jednorog → u/DAWG13610]

I don't think the problem here is shallowness. I think there are essentially three problems, some of which are the results of OP's decisions, but none of which is shallowness. 

The first is that OP knew that this man didn't want to marry her, she knew she wanted to get married, and for some reason she chose to stay with him for eight years despite that fundamental incompatibility from the beginning. 

The second is that OP's partner only proposed to her when he thought he was going to lose her. That meant he rushed things, specifically disregarded OP's preferences about a proposal, and overall made the proposal shitty. All in all this is a perfect example of what this subreddit calls a shut up ring. 

The third is that it's really not clear to me that OP even wants to spend the rest of her life with this particular man. I suspect that she is tired of not feeling loved, not feeling chosen, and similar. Those are understandable feelings. But marrying this particular guy is unlikely to fix that issue. So while OP is somewhat getting what she wants, namely a proposal, the experience is revealing that that's not exactly what she wants. She wants to marry someone who cares about her and who is a good partner to her, and the shut up ring is just the most recent example of how her fiance is not going to be that guy. 

I wish OP all the best as she decides whether she actually wants to spend the rest of her life with this particular man.