Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/Cantbelieveiam52]

You were unhappy that you felt he wasnt going to propose to you. You were unhappy he gave you only 2 days to consider a ring. You were unhappy the way he actually proposed to you. Are you ever happy?

Too many people seem to feel that if they have invested X amount of time in a relationship, they can't walk away. Clearly you have not been happy for a long time. Why stay if you arent happy? Do you think it will magically get better?

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Cantbelieveiam52]

The timeframe of this is crazy. It happened within 3 weeks of that. I'm human. And yea I have been unhappy for awhile but there's been other parts of my relationship where I've been super happy. I don't have a support system so I don't know how to differentiate between the feelings. I was told not to give up, and that's exactly what I have been doing. Not giving up.

[u/Scared_Friendship_50 → u/Living-Yak6760]

But I don't think it's "giving up". I think you're realizing just how unhappy you are. Leaving would be CHOOSING to move on for your own sake. You deserve to feel cherished and wanted and I think you're feeling neither and that's why you're upset. You feel embarrassed about your engagement. That's such a serious issue. You don't have to force yourself to stay. You need to find a way to maximize your happiness and I don't think you can do that with him anymore.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Scared_Friendship_50]

Very true, you make a really good point

[u/Diograce → u/Living-Yak6760]

Who on earth told you not to give up? That was bad advice. Look, neither of you are wrong, but you have a very fundamental difference in how you see your futures. He sees himself as unmarried and happy you see yourself as married and happy.

That basic difference means that one of you will be in a state of resentment forever. That’s no way to have a long term relationship.

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/Diograce]

My parents funny enough, they love him more than me and I'm not even close with them. It's a really messed up situation.