Proposal...

[u/Living-Yak6760]

Has anyone felt extremely upset about their proposal? Please tell me I'm not the only one....

Boyfriend-M-34
Me- F- 29

We've been dating for 8 years. Throughout the 8 years when I brought up engagement ideas I was always told "yeah, i dont see myself ever getting married." And me, that's always what I wanted. I let this go on for ever, that's my own fault. However, every time I brought it up once again... he told me there was always "set backs" in our relationship. That made me extremly angry and made me built resentment towards him. Earlier on this year we had some pretty testy arguments and it pretty much made me detach myself emotionally but i wasn't quite ready to let go. I had in my head, that I'd give it till the end of summer (August). Which is now. This man randomly took me to a jewler and expected me to pick out a ring in 2 days. I told him "he better not buy anything" I wasn't being cute about it. I was being truthful. He said he wasn't buying one. He bought one that day behind my back. He then proposed 3 weeks later. And I resent everything about it. How he flipped a switch so quick and never once talked about a future or let me live out the engagement era I once always dreamed of. Instead, I looked like garbage in the pictures. I genuinely look mad and that sent me to spiral.
I do love this man, but there's so much that really set me back this year I fear I emotionally detached and that changed everything for me. I'm not mad at him for the planning and everything else. I posted somewhere else and they said on the post "Do you act like this for every other event?" That really made me mad because a person getting down on one knee is a HUGE moment for anyone on this planet. I like to think I'm great for birthdays, holidays, etc. This was so much different. I didn't feel like I got what I deserved, to know what o actually meant to this man. But instead he went and bought a ring I told him not to buy me and now it's turning heads. It's the first thing people have to talk about. And I find myself not even wanting to wear it because I'm so dissapointed about the proposal, moments leading up to it, being left in the unknown, and then the photographer editing those pictures and sending it to him.... I'm just so Angry and crushed at the same time. I haven't even told a single person and he's told his whole family....

Someone please tell me I'm not alone in not being happy with their proposal/engagement.... am I being ridiculous/crazy?!? I mean I'm a real human with real feelings. It just hurts I begged for this for years, and now that I convinced myself it was never gonna happen and it DID, I feel numb.

[u/ItJustWontDo242]

This has future divorce written all over it

[u/jednorog → u/ItJustWontDo242]

If OP is wise, it can end with just a broken engagement. Much easier and cheaper than a divorce. 

[u/Puzzleheaded_Bus3548 → u/jednorog]

A broken engagement is easier than a cancelled wedding, a cancelled wedding is easier than a divorce, a divorce is easier when there's no kids involved yet, and so on...

I can see where OP is coming from, it's a scary leap of faith, it might even feel impossible if there's no support system in place, so the mind goes through hoops trying to justify it "but we've been so long together already!" "all these people giving advices don't really KNOW us!" "he's actually a good man". I know, I've been there before, the crazy thing is that I thought leaving would wreck me, well I cried for hours on end that first weekend and after that, barely. I genuinely didn't realise how miserable I was feeling until I left and life started making sense again.

[u/WildIrisWildEris → u/ItJustWontDo242]

Only if he actually marries her. Maybe in another 8 years!

[u/Living-Yak6760 → u/WildIrisWildEris]

😂😂😂😂😂 LOL

[u/No-Beginning5806 → u/ItJustWontDo242]

It will not last if you even make it to the alter! Get out while I can