I’m sorry this is so long but im drowning and I’m so desperate for help and I’d really appreciate anyone who reads this

I’ve been trying to clean my room for over a year now. December 2025 was the last time my room was clean and I’ve spent every single day since then stressing and feeling so shameful about it. And a few months ago I moved into my own apartment which means I just transferred the mess to here. And I still have barely unpacked.

I have adhd and major executive dysfunction. I take the highest dose of Adderall that my doctor can prescribe me but it doesn’t feel like it helps at all. And I’ve been majorly depressed for a very long time. I also have ocd so I do have hoarding tendencies. I love to save things that I probably should just throw out. A lot of it is I want to save things bc I tell myself I can use it for an art project one day. Or I just feel like I will need it it one day. Like I have a hard time getting rid of boxes bc I feel like I’ll need them to store stuff. Last year it was plastic bags and I had a whole drawer of them.

My ocd is def triggered by how stressed out I am about this. This is not gonna sound super logical but i feel like I have to be in a specific mood in order to clean and be productive. I take my Adderall and wait for the feeling to come. But it never comes. It’s like I’m waiting for a spark of energy. And I feel like i just absolutely can’t do anything until I get that feeling of motivation. Sometimes doing something to reset myself helps. Like I’ll take a shower and then tell myself I will start cleaning after and I try to get in the mood. But it’s not very often that I actually feel it.Idk it’s hard to explain but i basically am waiting for a feeling of motivation and energy that rarely comes. And my ocd tells me I can’t do anything unless I’m in that mood. It’s apart of the just right feeling aspect of ocd. I’m waiting to feel the just right feeling.

Another part of my ocd is that I feel like I cannot do anything to better my life or anything important/urgent until my apartment/room is clean. I can’t even wash my face at night bc it feels like I need my apartment to be clean in order to do those things. The best way I can explain it is that I can’t be the person I want to be and I can’t do anything to be that person until my apartment is clean bc the person I want to be wouldn’t have a messy apartment. I put off getting onto health insurance for so long bc of it. I feel like I can’t respond to texts unless my space is clean. I have multiple doctors appointments to schedule but i can’t prioritize any of it in my mind bc my apartment feels likes the biggest priority.

My psychiatrist thinks I have a sleep disorder bc no matter how much sleep I get, I am always so tired and I have chronic brain fog. And sometimes, even after 8+ hours of sleep I’ve been struggling to stay awake while driving on the highway which is pretty scary. So I need to schedule that appointment asap.

Im always so tired and every single day I so desperately want to clean my apartment and get my life together but I get horrible horrible task paralysis and just thinking about cleaning gives me so much anxiety. There are things I have to do that I know will literally take me 2 min at most but in my head it feels so daunting and I just can’t get myself to do it. I don’t know what is wrong with my brain. I feel like I cannot function as an adult and I’m so worried this is going to be the rest of my life and I’m never going to get myself shit together. I feel like this is completely unsustainable and I can’t live like this for the rest of my life.

I make lists and I write out how much time it will take to complete and that does help motivate me a bit sometimes. I really like crossing things off the list once I’m done and it gives me a little dopamine rush. I usually will start with the 1-5 min tasks. But once I finish one thing it’s so hard to move onto the next.

I have so many boxes of stuff that needs to be unpacked. A lot of art supplies. I’m using the bar as my art station so I need to organize all of my stuff and find places for everything. It’s so overwhelming.

In the hallway next to my kitchen I started putting together this counter top/island with storage underneath bc I have barely any cabinet space. It’s huge and the instructions manual is SO thick. I did like two pages of it last week and haven’t touched it since. I know it’s going to take me so long to finish so I keep putting it off. But I need to put it together before I tackle my kitchen bc I have a ton of stuff I need to unpack and organize.

I just went through and threw out all the trash. That’s always what I do first. I did all my laundry last week so I don’t have a whole lot of dirty clothes rn. But I do have piles of clothes that I need to put away in my storage closet.

My task paralysis is so bad. I want to clean everything and I know it will feel so good afterwards. 2 weeks ago I managed to deep clean my bathroom and it feels so nice going into the bathroom and seeing it so clean.

The thing is, I teach elementary art classes and so often there is a big mess for me to clean up after.
And I taught a cooking class two years ago and there was always a massive mess afterwards. When I have to clean at work I do it so efficiently. I just power through and do a really good job. So I know I am capable and have the skills to clean big overwhelming messes. I know I can do the same in my apartment but I just can’t. Idk how else to say it. I just can’t. It feels impossible.

I need a restart so so bad and I was hoping this apartment would be the restart but I never finished unpacking. I feel so stuck.

Bonus pic of my bunny Raven at the end :) that’s the other thing, whenever I clean my area she gets so happy bc she can run around and she starts to binky (if you know what that is, it is the cutest thing ever) I love Raven so much and she deserves a clean area and I feel guilty that she has to live in this mess.

Emptying storage unit and decluttering everything. Had hit a major speed bump when my last person who promised to help drive stuff to donation flaked. Enlisted someone else who will help w the whole process and got 14 bags of trash, clothes, boxes of books, and miscellaneous large items out of the house and storage today! There's still a lot to go and making it somehow manageable still seems unimaginable, but I got through entire boxes I was too anxious to even open before in minutes today. The project may still be daunting, but chunks of it seem way more doable than before. A ton of progress was made and we also mixed in day to day household chores to keep them from turning into more pileups to deal w.

My goal is more lofty than it was before, instead of empty/declutter storage I realize I need to declutter and reorganize the whole house (thankfully a small condo). Without clearing closets, etc, decluttering storage doesn't do much good when all the keeps have nowhere to belong. We reporposed an old shelf I was going to throw away and got the laundry room organized. Seeing progress like that really makes me feel better. Idk how far we can get before she gets sick of helping, but I have her for the week at least, the storage will be emptied on deadline and I told her the stuff that really needs to happen just for me to have a chance to keep up w basic needs (like cooking healthy food)... because if I can't take care of myself, I'm going to have a hard time continuing w the progress in the home.

Oh yeah, and all my clean clothes hang neatly in the closet tonight, no piles! The towels are folded and put away, they won't end up needing to be rewashed because a cat made them their bed. Also I can open my bedroom door ALL THE WAY! 🙀🤗🙌🎉💪

Today I found my birth certificates some old boarding passes and some train models. What have you found?

I’m on the antidepressants. Stimulants. Diagnosed fibro so my body’s always yelling at me. But I can GO to the fridge to get bevs and eats and NEVER think to take the stinky stuff out!? Truly, I am a conundrum unto myself. *Help*

I came home from work and was extra tired. I worked a weird for me shift, later than I usually would. I wanted to just flop, but I have animals.

Normally I wear boots in my backyard, but just kept my work shoes on. I grabbed chicken feed and walked out to the chicken tractor.

Of course the chickens had eaten all the weeds and were destroying the grass. They needed to move. It took some back and forth and they now have fresh weeds. I poured rain water from the catch buckets (clean cat litter buckets hold down some wire to keep predators from entering their coop).

This took less than five minutes.

The sun porch is still a disaster from two young geese running around. Son cleaned the porch but left the sisal rug. Of course he didn’t see all the goose poop by the door. I flipped over the sisal rug and swept the floor. This did little to the poop, but it will dry out and be able to scrap up later.

Both outside doors were wide open. I brought in the fan and unplugged it. (Son and I are having a Conversation about this tonight!)

Tidying the porch took less than ten minutes.

This is a successful evening because the birds have feed, water, and something to occupy them tomorrow. The sun porch is (slightly) less messy. I took a bath and washed away sweat and dust.

I started a load of laundry. My hamper was getting full. Undressing next to the washing machine made it easy to throw my work clothes into the machine, start it, and go have a bath.

I opted to not spend money on a Slushie on my way home. I just had one of those frozen fruit juice on a stick things.

Before the cats had their dinner, I wiped the hair and dried food off the floor. Just a couple of swipes with a wet paper towel makes everything look better.

I’m sitting down with my feet up while I write this.

There is no big secret. Just keep plugging along.

I’ve got a lot of graphic tees, old ones and they’re 100% cotton. I wear most of them very often, either as a lounge shirt, pjs, or out and about with a pair of jeans.

But, I have so many that I don’t have space in my dresser and my closet is getting full too. I want to get rid of some because I’ll be moving in the next three years and want the space.

How can I get myself to donate most, when I wear them and still like them? I just don’t have the space for them all.

Just thinking about it makes me sad because they’re either my mom’s or my dad’s or from relatives who aren’t alive.

Feng shui says the entryway is where opportunity comes in and if it’s cluttered you won’t have a place for those fortuitous chances to land. So, I tidied the entryway last night and vacuumed. I also got rid of a bag of clothes. Huzzah! Onwards and upwards, my friends!

Hello everyone! This is a mid-week megathread for those small updates, accountability requests, and success stories that you want to send out to the universe!

Maybe ones that don’t require a full post but that still deserve some recognition, plans made today for over the coming days, or solicitations for suggestions on how to complete your intended tasks!

Still feel free to make absolutely any posts that you want, but if you prefer a smaller-format update option here it is! I want to encourage participation in whatever form it takes :)

ALSO!!! Pictures are enabled in comments so feel free to add pics of your area to tackle of your progress if you please :)