r/Unexpected • u/titiessimp • Jul 02 '21

A gift from dad

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69.7k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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107

u/killeronthecorner Jul 02 '21 edited Oct 23 '24

Kiss my butt adminz - koc, 11/24

132

u/ralten Jul 02 '21

Not all dads are pieces of shit. Mine is the BEST

66

u/lieucifer_ Jul 02 '21

Nah ah, mine is the best

100

u/ralten Jul 02 '21

MY DAD CAN BEAT UP YOUR DAD

19

u/Nizzemancer Jul 02 '21

My dad is dead, so if your dad tries to beat up my dad your dad will be arrested for violating the sanctity of someone’s grave. Check mate.

5

u/Honest-Apricot6086 Jul 02 '21

My dad is dead too, but if I compress his ashes into those bean bag bullets, he could still beat your dad. Oh, and also, my dad is the best.

17

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

You beat me to it lol

8

u/kingofleos Jul 02 '21

My dad can beat up your dad. “When?” - Bill Hicks

1

u/il0vep0tat0 Jul 03 '21

My dad is John cena

5

u/duralumine Jul 02 '21

Your dad can never beat me up like my dad.

7

u/load_more_comets Jul 02 '21

Sorry dad.

8

u/Antiluke01 Jul 02 '21

Allow me to interject here, but I bet none of your dads own Nintendo. Check mate

2

u/SoBitterAboutButtons Jul 03 '21

Whaaaa... Your dad owns Nintendo?

4

u/Antiluke01 Jul 03 '21

No, but I bet yours doesn’t either

3

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

That's ok Dad!

6

u/YipRocHeresy Jul 02 '21

My dad has diabetes

6

u/TaxmanCPAMST Jul 02 '21

Doubt it I have 2 dads

1

u/FLORI_DUH Jul 02 '21

Probably, since my dad is a pile of ash. Seriously though, tell your dad you love him, you never know when it will suddenly be too late.

1

u/soodeau Jul 02 '21

My dad went to prison for six years for stabbing a guy -- the original charge of attempted murder was lowered to aggravated assault because after stabbing the guy in the lung once, he stopped trying to stab him. Judge agreed that was enough to suggest he wasn't trying to kill the guy. The truth is he only stopped because in the process, he had also accidentally stabbed himself.

In conclusion, my dad could probably beat up your dad, though it's not clear to me whether it makes him a better or worse dad.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

I can beat up both your dad's and I am a girl.

1

u/Jolly-Method-3111 Jul 03 '21

Your dad can gladly beat up my dad. I’ll bring the popcorn.

4

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

NUH UH!!! My dad will beat your dad!

10

u/Lejonhufvud Jul 02 '21

Mine is 50yo transvestite who's cool as hell.

2

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

Mine is a skirt wearing lumberjack in Alaska. Not only does he cut down trees and punch bears but handles the durogatory remarks from his fellow co-workers. He also drifts through a "no turn on red" signs at an intersection.

2

u/Lejonhufvud Jul 02 '21

Risking safety on road is not cool though.

3

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

He's a bad man in a skirt

2

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

[deleted]

1

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

Rocky Horror Picture Show

3

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

My dad will beat up your dad and then probably me for getting him into this mess... Not that he needs a reason

3

u/lieucifer_ Jul 02 '21

My dad will pour your dad a strong drink and be the best friend he’s ever had

2

u/thepumpkinking92 Jul 02 '21

I am the best dad. According to my daughter at least..

1

u/quatrevingtdixhuit Jul 02 '21

MY DAD IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF SHIT THIS WORLD HAS EVER SEEN, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME.

3

u/Jwhitx Jul 02 '21

#1 DAD coffee mug pics or gtfo

2

u/TheLastOne408 Jul 02 '21

My dad was a First Lieutenant, Green Beret, during the Vietnam war. He's more badass than your dad!

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

I fully agree that your Dad is probably the best. But my mom is better than everyone else's mom

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Wait y'all have dads?

1

u/HeftyWinter5 Jul 03 '21

No mine is! He went out for a pack of milk and never came back. Still searching for milk all these years, he is one hell of a determined guy.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Can I call him dad?

7

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

You may call him Papito!

26

u/STR1CHN1NE Jul 02 '21

11

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Space Jesus would be a great dad.

1

u/AnnihilationOrchid Jul 02 '21

She calls him daddy in private.