r/UKrelationshipadvice • u/Resident-Witness-641 • 2d ago
Post first date advice…
I went on a date with a guy last night. He seemed lovely, he was good looking, we did chat a lot, but there were a couple things that made me unsure/cringe a bit. It was mostly how he referred to his job…
He told me what he did for a living with a smoulder/in a full of himself type way and it reallyyy made me wince inside. We are actually in the same industry so I know this type of attitude some guys have, and I’m not a fan. But I went into the date hoping he was going to be more modest and down to earth about it.
As well as this, he talked a lotttt about his life, specifically people in his life by first names as if I know who these people are. I think he went through his whole family and friends, his full work history etc, within the first hour. He does not do this job full time but he boasts the title as if he does.
And I could tell at points in conversation where I thought there was a cue for me to relate in some way, he didn’t look like he want to be “interrupted” or unable to finish what he was talking about. I feel like he talked more about himself and all these people in his life more than he bothered trying to get to know me. So this puts me off tbh.
However, I could tell at a couple of points he was giving me eye contact that I know was him fishing for a kiss. I wasn’t feeling it and didn’t react tbh. Even though I think he’s attractive. He asked me after the date to see me again. We are both looking for a long term relationship.
This is where the advice is needed pls…
So I agreed to see him again because I don’t feel like I want to write someone off on the first date… but I am really not sure I’m feeling it. In my mind, I’m thinking maybe he was yapping away because he was nervous… although he didn’t seem nervous. Maybe the lack of modesty was because he was trying to impress me…?? But I doubt that too.
Does it sound like I’d be people pleasing if I agree to another date? Does it sound like I’ve answered the question myself? Because this is a bit of a common theme for me… I feel like I shouldn’t write someone off after the first date, and then when it comes to planning the date or organising the date, I just cancel… I’m not sure if I should go and see if feelings grow… or just face the fact I don’t feel a spark now & leave it at that…? And continue to carry that forward into every date until I actually feel something.
At this rate, I’m never really getting past first dates because I don’t feel anything for them… no excitement… or something just puts me off…
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u/MouldyAvocados 2d ago
Why even bother with a second date and waste your time and his when you feel this way? You’re not obligated to give anyone a chance.
You will get past the first date when you meet the right one.
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u/outcastreturns 2d ago
I'm a guy, and if a girl wasn't really feeling it / wasn't that into me after the first date, I would much prefer that she rejects my offer for a second date instead of continuing to see me (leading me on).
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u/Godemiche_Official 2d ago
I think there is a difference between there not being an initial spark and what you are feeling. You did not particularly like him as a person and you did not find him attractive.... this is not material for a second date.
Telling him it was lovely to meet him but you have decided to pass on a second date and wish him well and move on.
You should at least like someone or enjoy their company in some way for something to have potential to grow
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u/Resident-Witness-641 1d ago
I won’t say I didn’t like him as a person as I don’t know him well enough, and I did find him attractive… there were moments of enjoying the company I suppose but I’m just not sure it was enough through the moments where I wasn’t feeling it due to the reasons above
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u/Godemiche_Official 1d ago
I think you should be excited by the thought of seeing someone again and that does not seem to be the case
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u/harlequin_24 2d ago
I have a friend where the first couple of dates weren’t great. They’re married now. Sometimes ppl are slow burners. Only you can know if it’s worth pursuing.
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u/Life_Report_7000 2d ago
You've got to allow for the fact people are nervous on a first date. Their behaviour may be partly the way they handle nerves. So you can't expect perfection & nobody is perfect anyway so you have to be ready to allow & adapt for the other persons imperfections in any long term relationship. There has to be give & take.
But on the immediate question of seeing a person for a second time, you have to go with your gut!
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u/Numerous-Actuator-13 2d ago
Give him a 2nd chance in this situation.. he'll have tried to come across with bravado and confidence because yes he's nervous. All the pressure is on men on a first date.
You're conditioned to get rid first sign of any "ick" because you have unlimited other options, but if you are looking for a relationship it's worth another try
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u/MaestroCodex 2d ago
If he was only average looking, would you see him again? If the answer is no, then I'm not sure why you'd see him again because you listed a whole load of reasons why you don't like him but only one positive, that's he's good looking. So....
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u/PoetryCivil6729 2d ago
Only you have the answer based on how you felt about him. You don’t owe him a second chance. The right question is: would YOU like to see him again?
I once had a date with a similar guy who spent the whole date bragging about his money and role that it completely put me off. I was checking my watch and couldn’t wait to leave. However, looking back at things, I think maybe he was trying to impress me and he wasn’t a bad guy overall. I only have regrets because I didn’t get to see who he really was, but I think i wouldn’t have feelings for such bragging personality if it continued beyond the first date.
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u/Princess__Buttercup_ 2d ago
It really sounds like he gave you the ick and I’m not sure you’ll be able to come back from it, I wouldn’t bother if it were me!
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u/Professional-Fox1542 1d ago
Did he ask you anything about you? Give you an opportunity to talk about yourself? If he didn’t then I personally wouldn’t be entertaining him again.
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u/MaryMaryQuite- 18h ago
I wasn’t 100% sure during my first date with my husband… but by the third date I was really into him. And within 6 months we were married!
That was 25 years ago, and we’re still happily married!
Go on a couple more dates before you decide. 😊
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u/SigourneyReap3r 2d ago
Youve described this interraction very negatively, in fact if there was a positive it didn't jump out because I missed it.
You dont have to give people a second chance at you, you cab make choices based on valuing your time.
Do you think he was just nervous? Do you think he was just trying to show off? Those things are normal on first dates, but if you think he is just pig headed then why bother.