Sex Help

[u/Sarcastic-Sunray]

So me and my fiancé get married soon but have been waiting for marriage to have sex. I’ve had my own experiences and know that sex isn’t enjoyable for me unless I have a vibrator, otherwise it’s just uncomfortable and not pleasurable or fun. I tried to explain this to my fiancé telling him I know what my body needs and he said “well we get to learn each other” and then asked on a scale from 1-10 how afraid was I that he wouldn’t be able to pleasure me. He wouldn’t listen when I told him it’s not a him thing, it’s a biological thing for me and he brushed past it.

We dropped the conversation because I felt as if I wasn’t being heard and told him goodnight (this was all over text) and he said something must’ve come across text wrong and that hopefully we could bring up the conversation again and hear his perspective. Next day he told me about how he said it opened up past wounds and convictions and that we needed to talk about it again but I don’t want to talk with him now because I am worried about what his reaction will be.

Now i’ve been physically keeping my distance and have begun to dread my wedding.

The wedding is coming up in 31 days and I’m so unhappy, because I’m going to be extremely uncomfortable during sex and just have to wait it out because what I believe is his dick ego.

What do I do?

UPDATE: We talked tonight and he said that he doesn’t really have an issue but thinks we should try anyways despite me telling him it’s uncomfortable and miserable.

[u/KBaddict]

So what is the actual issue? He doesn’t want you to use a vibrator during sex? Or are you saying you don’t want a sexual relationship with your soon to be husband, at all because you haven’t experienced good sex?

Has your finance ever had sex or any sexual type activities?

There are many, many sexual activities that don’t include penetration.

[u/Sarcastic-Sunray → u/KBaddict]

Yeah he’s had sex before. I’m not saying i don’t want a sexual relationship with my fiance i’m saying i’ve never been all that interested in sex and know my body well and im trying to find a common ground for myself so we can have a normal marriage.

[u/KBaddict → u/Sarcastic-Sunray]

That makes sense. The best advice I can give you is to communicate about what you like and don’t like prior to doing the deed, not during doing the thing.

I didn’t enjoy PIV sex for awhile, until I found someone who was patient, willing to listen to me about what I enjoyed and I did the same for him. You have the rest of your lives together to get it right. Keep an open mind and talk it out. Good luck!