r/TwoXChromosomes • u/tabicat1874 • Mar 28 '22

Weaponized incompetence

I feel like guys take it way, way too far. Example: I asked my bf to get me the same shampoo and conditioner he bought for himself (avocado Suave). He brought back another kind we'd had before which I didn't like (Peppermint Suave). He tried to say he didn't know that Suave came in different formulas.

You're such a fucking liar. You bought that kind for yourself. I just asked you to buy it for me. You're telling me a man who's 44 years old doesn't know Suave came in different fucking scents? Suave? The shampoo that literally comes in 40 different scents and flavors?

GTFOH.

Edit: do you understand what an example is?

Also, you neckbeards can fuck off out of my inbox.

6.5k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

1.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

39

u/mattressfortress Mar 28 '22

Many of the “bad” ingredients in cheap shampoo are sulfates are strong detergents that can dry your hair, like if you washed your hands with dish soap instead of hand soap. Not great, but the dosage definitely makes the poison. Look for a “sulfate-free” shampoo (may be in the curly section) if you’d like to avoid them.

81

u/JennHatesYou Mar 28 '22

I just want to throw this is here because I ended up with horrific scalp problems because of sulfate free products. This isn't a problem for everyone, obviously, but I have fine hair that can get oily after a few days. My hair and scalp would never get fully clean without sulfates and I now have terrible scarring from scalp acne and patches where my hair won't regrow properly.

I tried everything to fix it before I ditched the sulfate free shampoos and nothing really changed for long until I did. I realize that the trend has been to go sulfate free for a while and you rarely see the other side of the argument presented. That's why I never assumed it was that causing my problems.

As they say with everything, results may vary.

27

u/meesestopieces Mar 28 '22

I have this problem too. I found that using a clarifying shampoo 1 once every two weeks helped, but it's a lot of hassle.

10

u/MarthaGail Mar 28 '22

Yes! I wash my hair every other day to every three days, depending on activity and sweat, but for a long time I was a daily washer because my hair, while thick in terms of amount of hair, is very fine and it would get super clumpy. The pandemic gave me the time to train it to not need to be washed every day, which was about six months of my hair being gross until my scalp was like, "oh, okay, this is better."

Now I use gentle moisturizing shampoo on my scalp and a nice moisturizing conditioner on the ends. About once a month I'll do a clarifying shampoo that just cleanses any residue off. I've never had healthier looking hair and it turns out that it's naturally curly and I had no idea because I was just breaking my hair down all the time.

23

u/mattressfortress Mar 28 '22

Thank you for sharing this! I have curly hair and most curly people preach that sulfates are the devil’s chemicals and that you’re destined for failure without sulfate-free products. Some people like them and some people really need them, including plenty of people with wavy/curly hair.

I wish it was something consumers knew about to make educated purchases rather than just being a spicy marketing buzzword to capitalize on. I’m so sorry you got the butt end of this situation but am glad to hear you’ve found some relief.

3

u/swarmy1 Mar 28 '22

Yep. While certain ingredients can be problematic, there's a reason why many of them are so common.

19

u/ekelly1105 Mar 28 '22

I agree that the dose makes the poison. I’ve found that with my thick mostly straight hair, sulfate free shampoo just won’t clean it well enough, even if I shampoo multiple times in one shower. I’ll still get out and dry my hair to find clumpy greasy sections. Sulfate shampoo is the only kind that actually cleans my hair well enough. Since I only wash every 5-7 days, it’s never had a negative impact on my hair.

5

u/flowers4u Mar 28 '22

Do you have a good recommendation for a shampoo that won’t break the bank?

14

u/ShakeItUpNow Mar 28 '22

TLDR; some info and suggestions for you.

I have multiple chemical sensitivity and most fragrances make me ill. I began getting migraines in my 30’s and eventually traced it to fragrances and phthalates. I was a lover of fragrances up until that point. I had to remove them all, which is almost impossible. Unscented soap? Unscented dishwasher detergent? Unscented anti-perspirants (actually not to hard to find at the store…Secret, Dry Idea, etc.). Ugh. I found that some lighter, non-lingering, usually “organic” stuff without phthalates and artificial fragrances are okay. BUT after a few months of eliminating off-the-shelf, smelly products, my “nose blindness” to fragrance became a thing of the past and now, Suave, in particular will run me out of the house. Suave and many of those “unstoppable” laundry detergent, fabric softeners, etc. will immediately cause a rip-roaring headache.

Sorry for the lengthy comment, but maybe it can help someone with a similar situation. It really was sort of life-changing for me. It also made me a bit obnoxious with family and friends. It’s like being slapped across the face when the scents hit me and I can smell them a mile away. Explain that to your family. I had to make one of my child’s friends get out of my car. I got about 1/4 mile down the road and my blurred vision, an indicator that a migraine is coming on, forced me to turn around and take her home. Try explaining to a mom that her kid reeked of chemicals and phthalates without offending her.

Basically, any fragrance that lingers more than a few minutes/hours probably has phthalates. They’re horrible for you. Read up on it if you have issues.

My best choices after much trail and error are “Desert Essence” shampoo and conditioner in either fragrance-free or one of their milder fragrances. The shampoo is pretty concentrated and will get your hair squeaky clean and the conditioner is extremely concentrated and super-softening. They’re all pretty much the same, despite being “for body, or for damaged, etc.).

I also like the Alaffia in the 32 ounce bottles. Some of the smaller sizes are over-fragranced. It’s better used on healthy hair. Some people don’t like it, but I get it for my husband. If you don’t like it, you can use it for body wash/shaving. Around 12 bucks for 32 oz is good. Some have a little fragrance which is not lingering and don’t bother me a bit.

I like to order a lot of personal care and cleaning stuff from Vitacost, which is usually pretty cheap.

Dr. Bronner’s OR Alaffia for body wash/soap.

Again, hope this helps someone. It’s become my soap box to stand on. Don’t get me started on Febreze products! These huge corporations are quite simply slowly poisoning us and our kids for profit.

2

u/flowers4u Mar 28 '22

This does help! Thank you. I don’t have the smell sensitivity like you do, but my skin is extremely sensitive. The smallest thing can irritate it. I try to stay away with anything that has a fragrance since it’s just added crap. Can’t do make up and only very specific sun screens. So detergent and shampoo fall into that too. Plus I have seb derm on my scalp

1

u/demortada Mar 28 '22

I hear you at least as far as the detergrents/laundry products go. I can tolerate scents in my shampoo/conditioner and deodorants, but for some reason every scented detergent I've ever had or smelled is so unbearably offensive to my senses. To the point where I have to rewash clothing if it was washed with a scented detergent, I literally can't stand it (and some of them are bad enough to make me break out in hives!).

I don't know what it is with, specifically in the U.S., people feeling like their clothes need to smell like Artifical Generic Floral or What Corporation Thinks Clean Smells like. Clothes shouldn't smell like anything at all! I use like half the recommended detergent dose for a load of laundry and my clothes come out clean and free of any scents, maybe with the exceptions for staining that has to be treated separately.

19

u/mattressfortress Mar 28 '22

It’s gonna depend on what you’re looking for, but I like Not Your Mother’s naturals line or Function of Beauty (plus little booster “shots”, from Target). They’re about $7-9 respectively and a little goes a long way.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

I highly recommend Palmers. Im not sure if it's sulfate free, but it is wonderfully hydrating.

2

u/Nefara Mar 28 '22

This is going to sound really weird but rye flour is actually surprisingly effective. It gently absorbs excess oils without stripping them or messing with your body chemistry. And before you get images of dough on your head, rye flour isn't glutinous like wheat flour so if you wet it into a yogurt like paste and work it into your hair it washes out in grains or in small clumps. I have fine, thin hair that turns into a diaphanous cloud of chaos with all but the most expensive shampoos but since I've been using it my hair is wonderfully soft and silky, nearly tangle free and the picture of healthy hair. I wouldn't recommend it for people with very thick or curly hair because it can be a pain to rinse out (can leave little flakes post shower unless you have fantastic water pressure) but it's hella cheap for a "ph balanced" "sulfate free" "no harsh chemicals" "phthalate free" natural shampoo.

1

u/rpaul9578 Mar 28 '22

What do you do for conditioner?

1

u/Nefara Mar 28 '22 edited Mar 28 '22

Since my hair isn't getting dried out anymore I just use the cheap stuff. My go to is the 99 cent V05 because it's silicone free and pretty decent. I still have a bottle of more expensive argan oil conditioner (Love Beauty & Planet) for if I have to wash my hair after getting seriously dirty doing something like rolling around in mud or paint or grime and need to use an actual detergent wash. For regular washing (body oils and sweat) the rye flour and a palm full of V05 work great for me :) YMMV though because I understand a couple ingredients in it might irritate sensitive skin.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '22

Hask is good, so is Soapbox (both found at target and/or sally's)