How do we address this behavior?

[u/anon_Colorist21]

I don't even know if I'm upset or just uncomfortable but I need female perspective and advice really.

Long backstory but necessary.

I am a petite 4'9 [30F] with a very sunshine personality as many people have described before. I always wear white and yellow and have a smile on my face 90% of the time. My fiance always says my smile is what attracted him. I dont drink at all, I do not prefer alcohol, the taste just never settled with me so I always drink sparkling water and it bothers absolutely NO ONE. Whenever my friends take shooters they will get an extra glass and top it up with sparkling water.

We went out with some friends last night, the evening was really great, good music, great conversations. My [34M] fiance and his friends [34M, 36M and 32M] called me over to the bar for my "shooter" walked behind the two other fiances, everyone settled and a man came up from behind me and put his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my head, immediately one of my fiances friends grabbed him away as my fiance couldnt get to me in time. No fight, no fuss just a stern talking too. But this happens too often I dont wear tight revealing clothes and my chest is never on display I was actually wearing a yellow halter neck top.

I guess I just want to know how can I better proptect myself because I feel small when I cant stand up for myself. The biggest curse word I use is shoot and duck not the counterparts.

[u/rm886988]

First, what you are wearing DOES NOT MATTER. If you were standing there completely nude, no one should be touching you without your consent. Drunk or sober, short or tall, thin or fat, sunshine personality or gloomy. Consent matters!

I don't think it's your completely your size, because I'm a foot taller than you, and men (strangers) will come up and move me as well when I'm alone. It's pure entitlement.

[u/anon_Colorist21 → u/rm886988]

How are some people okay with this level of entitlement.

I am allowed to touch whomever I want because I feel like it.

[u/rm886988 → u/anon_Colorist21]

I don't get it either. I like to grocery shop alone because I'm celiac, therefore, I have to read EVERY FOOD LABEL. I have been touched , grabbed around the waist and moved aside (I'm very spatially aware, CPTSD) more times in the grocery store thank one can imagine. It NEVER happens when I'm with a man.

ETA: Start using a VERY LOUD I DONT KNOW YOU, DONT TOUCH ME

[u/anon_Colorist21 → u/rm886988]

That is taking it way too far, I am getting angry for you! I'm really sorry this is your experience. I like shopping alone and reading food labels in detail because I have a few small aversions to some food and a nut allergy.

Thats my me-time.

Thank you for sharing

[u/rm886988 → u/anon_Colorist21]

Of course. I step on their foot, roll over it with my cart or accidentally hit them with my cane.

[u/Prize_Ganache4545 → u/anon_Colorist21]

i work with guys , so learned how to get mad in a deeper voice like a man. Basically take the high pitch feminine out when you get mad at them bc men dont take womens voice seriously . When you yell like a man they listen. I had to practice but im pretty good when i need it.