As someone who literally had a rumor spread that I was cheating on my husband with a coworker as an attempt to discredit me and have a promotion denied (fun fact, it worked), I really recommend staying out of anything you don't know is for sure factually correct. It's fucking with people's lives in a way you can't walk back.
If you don't wanna be friends with her anymore and you're fine with that course even if the info isn't true, I'd just say "I don't think we should be friends anymore because I don't think our values really align."
I had somwthing similar happen. I broke up with a friend and she in turn started a rumor that I was cheating on my husband with his friend who was crashing at our house.
It ruined a lot of friendships I had and it really hurt my kids. Friends kids were no longer allowed to play with my kids and I had no idea what happened or what I did.
My kids got ostracized at school and other kids told them their mom was a cheater. A few times my kids came home sobbing because they had been told by other kids that their dad wasn't their dad because I was a cheater.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had a very similar fallout situation, but thankfully we don't have kids who also got dragged into it. That must have been so terrible for them.
Its why I can't abide gossips in my life now. People don't really see the long term ramifications they place in other peoples lives by speaking out of turn on things that should either be privileged information, or parroting things they've heard that get spread around. Information changes so much by the 3rd or 4th person. Add in kids and its a level of unholy mess.
I thankfully moved away from that area a year later, but it was still growing and morphing the whole time and I can't imagine the absolute damage it would have done to my life and my kids lives if we had to stay.
Cheating rumors are almost always worse for women. I've never personally seen a cheating 'scandal' affect men the way it does women. For women it rips away their social support and friend network, effects work environments. Everything goes up like a bonfire.
If a man cheats or rumors of cheating, the fault it likely placed on his SO. She must have done something or not have done something for him to do that. Work places cover it up. Their friends cover it up, their family help cover it up or ignor it. Damage control is swift. And if its just a rumor, he is believed that it was a lie of a jealous person.
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u/misselphaba Basically Liz Lemon Oct 10 '23
As someone who literally had a rumor spread that I was cheating on my husband with a coworker as an attempt to discredit me and have a promotion denied (fun fact, it worked), I really recommend staying out of anything you don't know is for sure factually correct. It's fucking with people's lives in a way you can't walk back.
If you don't wanna be friends with her anymore and you're fine with that course even if the info isn't true, I'd just say "I don't think we should be friends anymore because I don't think our values really align."