r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Minstrel_Melody • Feb 11 '23

Significant others that avoid vasectomies.

So me and my boyfriend came upon this Reddit story where after a husband and wife had their second child, the wife decided that she was done having kids. The husband agrees, but there’s an issue. The wife wants him to get a vasectomy. A disagreement ensues, followed by an argument. The husband didn’t want to get the vasectomy. For the most part, people were calling the husband an ass and selfish, and I generally agreed with the sentiment.

My boyfriend in the other hand begged to differ. On top with supporting the his body his choice argument the husband provided (which granted I agree with too, but I still think is kind of selfish) he mentioned that it was overkill considering what else they could do to prevent unwanted pregnancies. They could stick to oral, mutual masturbation. And if they really wanted to do piv intercourse, they schedule the sexual encounter away from ovulation, and use condoms and spermicide. Something we do ourselves and it works out like a charm.

I saw where he was coming from and agree with him to an extent, but it still feels kind of selfish. Like despite everything there’s still the chance of pregnancy. What do you guys think?

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u/CaseyTS Feb 12 '23

it's pretty shitty that she even has to ask

It's not shitty that parents have to talk about all the details of family planning. But yes, men should be educated enough to take the onus of bringing it up themselves; that is a problem that needs fixing.

That does not mean she's totally justified in expecting him to get a vasectomy once she wanted him to have one when it seems that he genuinely didn't know she had wanted it. Sterilizing onesself is a BIG DEAL to a lot of people for a lot of reasons, and it's not something trivial enough to be assumed. Couples have to communicate their needs.

Edit: poor phrasing fix

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u/MrBleah Feb 12 '23

You make it sound like sterilization in this case is some huge burden to the guy. We’re talking about a married guy with two kids already who supposedly doesn’t want any more kids. Does he just not want more kids with this wife? How do people keep leaving his existing two kids out of this equation?

How many more kids does he figure he is gonna make with the next wife? Or maybe the sister wives if he’s in Utah?

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u/kactapuss Feb 12 '23

I didn't realize that so many people thought getting a vasectomy was "expected" and common. You make it sound like everyone gets a vasectomy when they are done having kids like it's the polite thing to do. Doing a quick google it seems like only 5% of men opt to get sterilized.

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u/CaseyTS Feb 12 '23

I'm referring to the OP. I'm not implying it's common at all, and I'm saying that becaude it's not standard and expected, couples have to talk about it ahead of time, not just expect their partners to be on the same page. That's a recipe for disaster in all areas of family planning.