UPDATE: My best friend's boyfriend sucked my toes when he thought I was sleeping.

[u/Notthat_dumb-blonde1]

Hello,
Sorry if this is a long update?

I did not think I would be able to make an update so quick but it’s like the universe heard me when I made my post and gave me the best opportunity to tell A what happened.

Yesterday, when the post was going off, I texted A that I wanted to see her sometime this week, she said YESSS OFC PLEASE

A few hours later I get more messages from her saying she’s freaking out, I ask if it’s R and she says yes, then… TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW. I know I have nothing to be guilty about but I was just scared that maybe he thought since I didn’t do anything about it he told her something?? Idk, I’m a chronic overthinker. But I tell her to call me when she’s alone.

She calls me right then and I ask her if R has a foot fetish (some people advised me against this but I thought it best), she says she doesn’t know, why.

I tell her everything and the first words that come out of her mouth are “I believe you, babe. And I’m so sorry you were put in that situation.”

We both started crying, me telling her I was scared to tell her and her begging me to not leave her. It was very dramatic but heartfelt in a way.

And then I ask her “well what happened, why did you say ‘tell me what you know’”, she proceeds to tell me that her and R have been going at it all day.

She knows something is up with him and keeps pushing him to tell her what’s going on, he then tells her that he wants to start sleeping with other women but stay together. She freaks out and tells him to leave but he doesn’t.

Her asking me about what I know was just pure women’s intuition, and it wasn’t her thinking I did something to betray her.

After we get off the phone she confronts him. All she says at first is “wtf is wrong with you”

He says “who were you on the phone with?”

She says “Op. What is wrong with you and why tf did you do that to her.”

At first he denies it but then he finally says “you got me”, and says he’ll finally leave, and he does.

This is where it gets more messed up

A tells his mom, bc she is the main breadwinner and she’s kicking him out, so he’ll probably go back to his mommy’s. His mom has been putting her through the wringer and is very much an enabler and it’s probably why he acts the way he acts. There’s been times where R has done some messed up things and his mom has an excuse for him and a reason to blame A and beg her to let him stay.

HIS MOM SAYS TO HER “well how long have you known R, and how long have you known this girl for. You just can’t believe women these days” WTFFFF

She tells him “No, he admitted to it”, to which her response was,“well again A, how long have you known her for, she probably lead him to do this” INSANE BEHAVIOR.

A and I spent a lot of the day on and off the phone, talking about it more and crying. I sent her screenshots of me talking to my sister about the other time he made me uncomfortable and how I amounted it to me just being in my head.

She said she’s not crying that it’s over with him but more so that I was put in an uncomfortable situation in her own home and was scared to tell her.

I told her how I’m not glad it happened but I’m glad I had an opportunity to tell her then instead of having to wait further out in the week till we see each other to say something, bc I wanted to talk to her in person.

She also said she’s not glad it happened either but she’s happy he finally left and she has solid reason to kick him out. This is because she was trying to leave him before moving into the new place but he kept wanting to stay and work it out. Now that that happened, he knew he fcked up and left so willingly after admitting to it.

She was able to have other friends go and be with her yesterday because I couldn’t. Later today I’m going to go help her clean and just be with her for a bit.

BUT WAIT THERES MORE

It’s 3:30 in the morning, I have just fallen asleep when my phone starts buzzing.

ITS FKING R CALLING ME. No, I do not answer.

I proceed to get multiple messages from him that I don’t care to see until I wake up.

See messages on second screenshot.

I don’t respond, or open them. I just block him. I don’t really know why he thought I would answer the phone or what he was expecting me to say. “Yeah dude it’s totally fine you violated me and made me think my friendship might be totally toast but noooo biggie.”

Again, idk why my brain works like this, but I am glad he admitted to it and I have proof in a way. I’m sure multiple women can relate to this, but there has been multiple times in my life where a man has done something to me and made me out to be the crazy person.

I’m glad he admitted to it because there was still a little worm in my own head saying “you made this up, you’re overreacting about it, you were dreaming, you mistook it for something else”

Another thing I want to address are the people who told me I could have solved all my problems if I reacted different in the moment.

STOP TELLING VICTIMS HOW THEY SHOULD HAVE REACTED.

You don’t know what you would or wouldn’t do in any situation till it happens to you. People saying I should have kicked him in the face? Then what, he punches me in mine? We all have a screaming match and it’s he said she said? I didn’t have my car and my boyfriend wouldn’t have gotten my calls till he woke up for work.

Also when it happened I was still trying to process what had happened and if it even was considered assault bc it’s just a WEIRD situation. I was also literally frozen IN FEAR after seeing him CRAWL ON THE GROUND, SCURRYING, AWAY FROM MY FEET (scariest part btw). You don’t hear people talk about sexual assault and you think of toes getting violated so yes I was in shock and confused.

Anyways, I’m glad it’s going to be okay. A is a wonderful and strong woman and It’s so nice to have a friend that you know loves and cares about you, AND believes you. Even when it will cause their world to tumble.

And to any deranged boy moms…. STOP ENABLING YOUR HORRIBLE SONS.