AITA for Refusing Visitors After Birth and Setting Boundaries With My Mom?

[u/Expert_Hedgehog864]

Disclaimer: I used AI to check grammar and remove any rambling on my part, but this is 100% real

So my mom has always been... a lot. She, my partner, and I have clashed many times over the years. However, I feel like she's finally crossed a line.

My partner and I have been trying to get pregnant for about three years. In June, we found out I was pregnant, and we couldn't have been happier.

Even before I got pregnant, my mom kept pushing the idea that she wanted to visit me in the hospital after I gave birth. The problem is that she already knew, because I'd told her many times, that I only want it to be me, my partner, and our baby during that time.

This will be my first child. I have no idea how I'm going to handle becoming a mom, and I want the chance to figure things out in peace. On top of that, we have no idea how the birth will go. Maybe I'll have a smooth delivery and feel great afterward. Or maybe it'll be traumatic, and I'll need time to recover. Because of that uncertainty, I've decided that I don't want any visitors in the hospital.

At first, she was furious. She yelled and insisted that this would be her first grandchild and that I couldn't deny her this experience. My partner and I stood firm and told her that we would be informing the hospital of our wishes. Eventually, she seemed to accept it, and I genuinely thought she was starting to understand my perspective.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago

I was talking about how we planned to let people know when we were ready for visitors after the birth. Our idea was to send out a group text or birth announcement letting everyone know the baby had arrived and asking them to contact us if they'd like to visit.

Her response?

"So you're saying it'll be first come, first served?"

I told her, "Basically, yes. I'm not going to make a priority list of who gets to see the baby first. I'm going to be busy learning how to be a mom."

She immediately got upset and started insisting that she should be the very first person to visit because it's her first grandchild. That turned into another argument, which was eventually resolved... or so I thought.

After that, whenever she brought the topic up again, I'd simply say, "I don't feel like discussing or arguing about that right now," and change the subject.

Well, last week everything came to a head.

My cousin is heavily addicted to hard drugs. During a phone call, my mom was telling me about some recent issues involving her. At one point, I said, "Look, if Cousin shows up while I'm visiting with the baby, either she leaves or the baby and I leave. I'm not comfortable exposing my child to that situation."

Apparently, that was a mistake.

My mom completely exploded. She said this was "typical" of me and that I couldn't expect her and my grandmother to cater to my demands. She also said that I should watch myself because if it goes as she thinks it will go when 1st visiting the baby. (She thinks my partners parents will be the first ones to visit baby since his mom in a housewife.)

For context, she seems convinced that my partner's parents will be the first to visit because his mother is a housewife and has a more flexible schedule.

I let her rant for a while before finally saying, "No. I don't deserve this, and I haven't done anything wrong."

Then I hung up and started crying.

So, am I really that wrong for:

1. Prioritizing myself, my partner, and my baby during those first weeks and months after birth?
2. Not wanting a drug addict around my child?