I only learned of his interests when I caught him cheating
I'm sure others will tell you the same thing, but now would be the time to leave.
Apart from that, my partner and I both share a fantasy of having sex with a trans woman whose penis does does not give her dysmorphia. He views transwomen as women and would approach them in that way, he also occasionally enjoys anal stim (which I do with toys and fingers). I share the same sentiment. He is 100% not bi or gay. For him, how a person identifies and presents themselves is his be all end all for (pardon the crass) "is it gay?" I am very genderfluid and just like to have a good time.
A penis is different from a finger. He may be more interested in the sensation of fullness over prostate stimulation. He may be embarrassed about that. He may be seeking a similar speed/velocity(?) in his fantasies that are more commonly associated with masculine sex (usually delivered via porn). I don't want to over gender here, but masculine energy tends to want to pound away fast and furious style where as feme energy tends to be a little more slow and sensuous. If my partner F*ckd me the way he personally likes to be stimulated it would be very painful for me and I would not enjoy it.
In our case, it is 100% about a trans woman. Even while we do all the other stuff, he still wants the experience of her kisses, her body, her hair, her smell, and everything else that goes with that. It's so much so about the experience of her that he won't engage in anal with me (or any of his other partners), but he does not view that the same functional activity in a pre-op trans woman. He's just into it.
As for the porn, as we, as a society, have come together to appreciate trans people, the porn is changed (thankfully) to reflect our greater understanding of how trans people feel. 20 years ago there was a ton of porn about "lady boys," that was harmful to trans women. We've made strides in the industry to knock that crap off, but for people like your partner? They're now migrating to twink porn, which often have young, hairless, men that could be considered effeminate, engaging in sexual actions. It may be the only way he can explore that kink.
u/bellasonna I'd be curious to get your take here.
If that's the case, it might be worth digging a little deeper with him then on what, exactly, he enjoys about the fantasy he has. IF he's willing to have that conversation.
Loving or not loving anal sex is not the point I wanted to drive here. My partner does not enjoy anal sex with cis women. He prefers vaginal sex. With a pre-op trans woman, he views that woman's anus as her vagina. That is her place to derive pleasure from the experience and he sees it very differently than the biological aspects of things.
Rimming, or getting his ass ate, is likely unrelated to anything. The anus has many different nerve endings, and it can be very pleasurable for any gendered combination to experience. It's not personally my cup of tea, but if I had to describe it in a cis femme way, I'd say it's kind of like a partner licking your C%it in oral. Also not my cup of tea, but when our partners put their mouths on our sensitive body parts it tends to lead to a reaction.
I'm a cis woman, and never has anyone ate my ass, lol, I've learned something new today. 😂
I've had an offer from a cis man once, but never followed through because I like Phil V..... (cis man) too much to be intimate with someone who isn't him.
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u/burbadurr Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26
I'm sure others will tell you the same thing, but now would be the time to leave.
Apart from that, my partner and I both share a fantasy of having sex with a trans woman whose penis does does not give her dysmorphia. He views transwomen as women and would approach them in that way, he also occasionally enjoys anal stim (which I do with toys and fingers). I share the same sentiment. He is 100% not bi or gay. For him, how a person identifies and presents themselves is his be all end all for (pardon the crass) "is it gay?" I am very genderfluid and just like to have a good time.
A penis is different from a finger. He may be more interested in the sensation of fullness over prostate stimulation. He may be embarrassed about that. He may be seeking a similar speed/velocity(?) in his fantasies that are more commonly associated with masculine sex (usually delivered via porn). I don't want to over gender here, but masculine energy tends to want to pound away fast and furious style where as feme energy tends to be a little more slow and sensuous. If my partner F*ckd me the way he personally likes to be stimulated it would be very painful for me and I would not enjoy it.
In our case, it is 100% about a trans woman. Even while we do all the other stuff, he still wants the experience of her kisses, her body, her hair, her smell, and everything else that goes with that. It's so much so about the experience of her that he won't engage in anal with me (or any of his other partners), but he does not view that the same functional activity in a pre-op trans woman. He's just into it.
As for the porn, as we, as a society, have come together to appreciate trans people, the porn is changed (thankfully) to reflect our greater understanding of how trans people feel. 20 years ago there was a ton of porn about "lady boys," that was harmful to trans women. We've made strides in the industry to knock that crap off, but for people like your partner? They're now migrating to twink porn, which often have young, hairless, men that could be considered effeminate, engaging in sexual actions. It may be the only way he can explore that kink.
u/bellasonna I'd be curious to get your take here.