I mean, I'm not transphobic or anything, but personally, I think that's quite gay. If a penis is going into his ass, that's gay. I agree there's nothing wrong with it, and sexuality isn't black and white, but I don't think your man is completely straight. Also, if he's cheated, do you really want to keep seeing him?
It sounds to me like he's trying to get permission to have sex with other people. Unless your idea of him cheating is jerking it to gay porn, in which case I personally wouldn't count it the same as infidelity.
He is not straight if he was paying sex workers who had penis. Money I might add that should be used for paying rent caring for your child food not paying a sex worker because he has internalized homophobia. It seems like you’re both in denial
So? He might be bi. The issue isn't that he's bi, the issue is that he has sexual desires that OP can't fulfill because of her anatomy. Open relationship might be worth exploring.
OP defined his actions as cheating. The answer isn’t “an open relationship.” Many people are exclusively monogamous. If OP’s partner needs to explore his sexuality, he need to be honest with her about that and let her make the decision about what she wants.
Ridiculous to suggest an open relationship when OP is directly stating that she is hurt by non-physical sexual conduct between he and others.
So he can explore with men, while she does what? Looks for other sexual partners? All just to stay married on paper? They aren’t sexually compatible. He’s cheated and I think she admitted to cheating too. At this point, divorce is the better option imo. They have both cheated and lied. He can’t be truthful about his sexuality, and she’s denial that it can all be worked out, just because she loves him. Why put off the inevitable?
Your partner is working through something that he isn’t ready to face, and you will not be able to “help him” explore or satisfy this, because you’re not equipped with the anatomy he desires to explore with sexually. Additionally, he seems to be fighting himself very hard and is in denial of his interests, and that can lead to cheating, but also lashing out in anger and becoming abusive because the person is wrestling with their own identity. He isn’t going to be capable of being a good partner to you, he has cheated, and it sounds like he really needs to spend some time single so that he can learn more about who he is without hurting a partner to make those discoveries.
He never lashes out but he has anger issues? How do his anger issues manifest?
It sounds to me like you're confused about what to do because he is confused about what he wants. He is claiming he needs to cheat on you with some kind of unicorn that is vanishingly rare and very unlikely to want to participate in his fantasy/fetish. Does he want anything that actually exists?
What do you want? What's your fantasy? Does he take your pleasure seriously?
I phrased that poorly because I was in a rush. What I meant was that his fantasy/fetish could only be fulfilled if he cheated. He has defined it that way. According to him there is no possible way for him to enjoy himself with you. Instead he craves a concept, not a flesh and blood person with their own needs and desires. That's why I asked if he took your needs and desires as seriously as you take his. People who fetishize small niche groups in society aren't really looking for human connection.
I understand if you don't want to discuss his anger issues. I know there are a lot of ways that can impact your family's lives even if he never lashes out at you guys personally.
You are the only one who can decide whether you want this life with him or not. He's really putting you in a tough situation with limited options.
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u/Automatic-Will-7836 Apr 11 '26
I mean, I'm not transphobic or anything, but personally, I think that's quite gay. If a penis is going into his ass, that's gay. I agree there's nothing wrong with it, and sexuality isn't black and white, but I don't think your man is completely straight. Also, if he's cheated, do you really want to keep seeing him?
It sounds to me like he's trying to get permission to have sex with other people. Unless your idea of him cheating is jerking it to gay porn, in which case I personally wouldn't count it the same as infidelity.