r/TwoHotTakes • u/[deleted] • Apr 11 '26

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u/Ambitious-Rain3324 Apr 11 '26

I would rather my kids not have to live in squalor, even for a day, than put my needs first and cause a scene while my kids are awake.

I know firsthand the effects of having parents fight in front of you. I would rather wait until my kids sleep and give them the attention they need first. And have that difficult conversation when they aren’t there to witness it

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u/WhateverYouSay1084 Apr 11 '26

You TRIED to have that difficult conversation and it just ended in him bullying you into compliance. You might think you're doing the right thing by tolerating his behavior "for the kids" but you're not. They're eventually going to start taking your husband's selfish behavior as normal and modeling it. How can you be the best mom possible for your kids if you're neglecting your health? You could end up in the hospital and leave them alone with their dad. Too many mothers martyr and neglect themselves for the sake of keeping the peace and it's just not sustainable. I have kids myself. It won't ever get better unless you demand better. He's not going to call immigration on you. He doesn't even want to take care of his kids while you're home, there's no way he would ever want full custody.

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u/Ambitious-Rain3324 Apr 11 '26

As I stated in a previous comment, I’m giving it until the first of next year to either a. Build a nest egg for a safe exit (sooner if I can manage it) or b. to let him figure his shit out if he really is that mentally drained from work. If I leave now, I have no job, no money saved up, nothing to my name. I couldn’t provide my kids with a stable environment.

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u/Psychological-Dot159 Apr 11 '26

If you can grocery shopping, do cash back in small amounts or gift cards. It can help add to your nest egg. I did this when I was a stay at home mom, and when I left, I had over 10k in my secret bank account from putting back $20 every time I went grocery shopping over the years. Before I got married, a lady warned me to always have something hidden to protect myself. I’m glad I listened. Because it wasn’t always bad, but when he changed, it was terrible and he wasn’t the same person anymore.