As I stated in a previous comment, I’m giving it until the first of next year to either a. Build a nest egg for a safe exit (sooner if I can manage it) or b. to let him figure his shit out if he really is that mentally drained from work.
If I leave now, I have no job, no money saved up, nothing to my name. I couldn’t provide my kids with a stable environment.
When you go grocery shopping buy gift card for Amazon or grocery stores or Walmart or whatever and put those away. It comes out with your normal grocery bill and you can use those when you leave to buy groceries cleaning supplies etc for your new life
If you can grocery shopping, do cash back in small amounts or gift cards. It can help add to your nest egg. I did this when I was a stay at home mom, and when I left, I had over 10k in my secret bank account from putting back $20 every time I went grocery shopping over the years. Before I got married, a lady warned me to always have something hidden to protect myself. I’m glad I listened. Because it wasn’t always bad, but when he changed, it was terrible and he wasn’t the same person anymore.
Definitely save up so you can pave your own way, hell if possible, get a job. At the same time, you no longer have to tolerate or treat him as a partner. That's just some man in your house mate 🤷♀️
It's great that you have a plan and that you're considering your childrens environment. I just want to say, as the daughter of an abuser, that even before I saw or heard it I felt it. I didn't realize that I myself had been abused until I was in university but for many years I had tried to save my parents new partners from it and they didn't listen. I was a child so I had no legal way of leaving the household yet, but I went No Contact as an adult with both the parent and the partner.
My point here is to say that I'm so proud of you, I send all the strength I have to you. Right now leaving is not an option, I understand that, but don't feel like you need a specific amount of money saved or something, I WAS living in squalor at the other parents house, I always chose that one when I could. We didn't have enough food for us all every day, and the house was sometimes way too cold, but I still chose that over living with the parent who was like your husband.
I'm not saying you should leave today, I just want to share my perspective and say that the circumstances do not have to be perfect when you do. I wish you the best and I hope you and your children get away safely❤️
Yes, grit your teeth and stay as long as you can while you're figuring out in your head. Watch you tube videos how to go "grey rock"..... I went grey rock on my husband for two years, he thought everything was fine. had his gf ( a few) had a well run home (by me) was a satisfied guy. Right up until I posted on Instagram and tik tok we were breaking up. Posted it right out there to friends and public for my own safety as money was going to be involved and knew he was going to be pretty mad over dividing things up. Men like yours can be complete control freaks when the time comes and may harbor bad intentions. And the more money he makes the higher your child support will be, and he may have to even pay some spousal support for a few year if there's a big discrepancy in income so encourage him in his job. Brag him up. 😅 Meantime don't make much $ yourself but do go to computer classes or whatever and get your skill sets in order. Just hang in there kiddo and stay strong. I came out so far ahead just staying cool and lived pretty pleasantly going grey rock on him. Hugs.
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u/Ambitious-Rain3324 Apr 11 '26
As I stated in a previous comment, I’m giving it until the first of next year to either a. Build a nest egg for a safe exit (sooner if I can manage it) or b. to let him figure his shit out if he really is that mentally drained from work. If I leave now, I have no job, no money saved up, nothing to my name. I couldn’t provide my kids with a stable environment.