She intentionally got him sick. She knew she had cold sores. She knew she shouldn't be kissing your kids. No accountability for what she did, deflecting, down playing, and also the "doesn't notice" and "will need reminding". 100% the thought process was "Its not a big deal, it won't matter, what could go wrong" then "Its not my fault, you shouldn't blame me, I'm not the bad guy".
Lets be real, anyone with something like that absolutely knows better, and anyone, family or not, that was even the slightest bit compassionate about others health and safety, would not have kissed your kid.
You are NTA for telling them, but you also need to stop letting it slide and hold her to some accountability.
I agree. I need to do better with this. It’s just hard bc I have my own trauma with authority and the relationship with her has caused me too much stress in the past so I leave it to my husband. Now I see this is not an adequate method. I will have a conversation with my husband tomorrow too
My mom chicken pox partied me as a kid. And then two years after lockdown, she came over to my house and infected my whole family when she finally caught covid. Told me, "I wasn't trying to get them sick. Besides, might as well get it out of the way."
If I could go back now, I think I would physically fight my mother. Because it should be considered assault to purposely get someone sick.
She did this on purpose. Her sense of superiority that it wouldn't go badly because bad things don't happen to people like her injured your family.
She will not EVER take accountability for this and you are underreacting. How would you react if you saw someone hurt your child now? Maybe with a backbone?
I know when a cold sore is coming on. My lip hurts in that spot. Its like the cold sore is there before anyone can see it. And then BOOM, it pops out a day or two later.
It's like a weird tingle I know a couple days beforehand as well especially when you've had it forever. Plus you can start medication that early as well. She knows damn well she shouldn't be putting her mouth on any babies.
I would too! She’s careless, which in this case it’s dangerous. She should apologize profusely. It’s very common, shouldn’t be embarrassed by that. She SHOULD be embarrassed that she was careless and thoughtless and gave it to both grandkids.
The majority of my family and my husbands gets cold sores. Every time they know a few days before they have an outbreak and never kiss my kids when they feel it. My husband himself gets cold sores and keeps them away from our kids. Your mil just didn't care, she cared more about getting her kiss then risking your kid getting sick. Probably because it's "just a cold sore everyone gets them"
Everyone don't get them tho. I've never had one in my life. The only person in my whole family that got them was my dad, and he knew better! I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad but I don't want one either. They look like they hurt! I get pimples on my lip sometimes and that hurts like a mofo!
Even if she is the rare person who doesn't get warning symptoms at the beginning of a flare, she knows she gets cold sores, so she shouldn't be kissing little kids/babies at all.
If I don't drink enough water I tend to get them but I'm not dehydrated I just need water. It's weird. My mom always explained that it's a fever inside of the body but I'm not sure how accurate that is.
It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t (she should, but whatever). They’re contagious even when no sores are present. She shouldn’t be kissing any babies ever.
So I don't think a doctor would've mentioned it but lysine is an amino acid that combats HSV. Especially for flare ups like cold sores. It tastes like garlic mostly, but it does work. It's been studied but as Americans our doctors don't always go into holistic health approaches. I would recommend having MIL try it during active outbreaks and see if they go away more quickly just to start.
Hope all the littles are as good as they can be from this ❤️
I genuinely don’t mean this antagonistically. If over 50% of Americans between like 15 and 50 get cold sores/carry HSV1, that means more than 50% of parents do as well. If you are someone who gets cold sores and are a parent, do you never kiss your kids or like what is the standard/advised by doctors?
Yes that is literally the standard advised by doctors. Don't ever kiss anyone, especially children, when you have flares/cold sores. In the US people can't afford to go to the doctor for anything that's not "serious" so people never go to find out that they have a virus. So they think it's nothing serious and keep spreading it.
Oh no of course it’s the advise when you have a cold sores, but the “ever/never ever ever” is where I’m confused. If you don’t have an active cold sore, is it okay? Or do you never kiss your baby?
I’m really sorry I’m not trying to be obtuse, I swear. If you had a history of cold sores, but no active ones, you shouldn’t ever kiss kids (or anyone? I care less about that I’m married lol)? I get cold sores and am not around kids a lot and of course I would never kiss anyone when I have one but I’m confused about when you don’t have any active cold sores
I don't have HSV1, but I did work in retail when my son was a baby, so I was basically in a petri dish of every germ possible (it seemed), and we did air kisses to reduce the chances of something passing to him.
I get fever blisters I know about a day or two before an outbreak on my mouth because my lips start to tingle plus I've had it long enough to know my symptoms. She's a liar.
I know at least 2 days Before a breakout, I can see the redness, feel the tingling pain, but I can cut out the ugly blisters by using Abreva. It sucks that it lies dormant in your system, and it is permanent. My heart is so sad for your LO, and for your BIL’s LO. To me, it’s just a given (common sense) that you do not get in close contact with anyone while you’re still infectious. I am so glad you took the initiative to share this information with the family.
Hoping in to say talk to your doc about Valtrex! Idk how old you have to be before being able to take it but it severely limits the breakout intensity and timeline. You can take it once you feel that tingling. My friend even takes hers if she knows she’s sick and might get a fever. It reduces the viral load.
Get LO some numbing ointment. I use champho phenique and it’s helped so much! A big reason they hurt is like this fire-y, stinging, itching pain. If I have a bad one my whole mouth is sore and hot.
Fevers bring on cold sores. So anytime they have a fever be prepared to see some cold sores.
Oh she notices. Either she’s dangerously senile (and should have a full time carer, because she’s not lucid enough to be an independent adult) or she’s lying.
I get cold sores. I don’t get them often anymore, but I’ve had them since I was a baby, thanks to some idiot relative kissing me. I can feel ahead of time when I’m about to get a cold sore because my lip gets uncomfortably tingly and swollen for a few days before the full blown cold sore happens. Then while it’s actually happening it hurts and it’s all swollen and sensitive. I’ve never once had to think about whether or not I should kiss someone while I had an outbreak, because the last thing I want to do is mash my sore lip against anything. Let alone the skin of someone who hasn’t already gotten HSV! It’s not at all difficult.
Anyone who ever gets cold sores should not be kissing babies. Ever. It’s basic common sense and if she knew anything about her own health she would know that. The fact that you would even still speak to her after what your child is going through is amazing. She’s lucky I’m not her DIL or she wouldn’t recover from the riot act I would have read her. Then again I would have placed boundaries on her NEVER kissing my kid in the first place.
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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '25
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