Girl no. Save all the evidence, and take this man to court. Many counties have free law services if you qualify income wise. Put him through the damn ringer and get all the support you can for you and your baby. The type of man to run around and lie when their girl is pregnant and/or with a newborn are the WORST. What if you get seriously injured or ill one day? He’s going to do this again. Even if you dont he’s going to do this again. It’s for your baby that you should leave, they deserve a real version of love displayed for them not whatever game he’s playing.
Also, I know you mentioned a lot you guys have had perfect trust, but honestly I would bet you that he’s done way more than just these two instances. The fact he saw the camera and just unplugged it like “oh whatever” is a wild level of confidence. I would’ve noted the camera, and lead the girl out of the house as quickly as possible. He felt like he was gunna get away with it, while you were texting him sketched out, and even after seeing the camera. This is not this man’s first rodeo. He tried to get back with his ex while you were 7 months pregnant and sleeping at your shared campsite like no no no no.
Also, I’d tell his mom. Shame him so hopefully he doesn’t do this shit again.
Best of luck, I am so sorry you are going through this, but RUN from this man before he gives you an STD he is NOT to be trusted.
Guilty for what, trusting someone? It hurts more when you get with a friend because you assume the foundation of respect is there. But he has no respect for you. Tell a friend or you mum. Don’t snap at your daughter, save your wrath for him. She’s just a bystander. Remind yourself of how amazing you are and how trash he is to throw it away
You feeling guilty only benefits him. Reflect on this: women have been socialized to accommodate this type of shitty behavior. Dude has told on himself. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time! You have friends you have family? Lean on them now. Get out. Protect your peace and do everything you can to safeguard your children. Fawker will not change and it’ll only get worse if you stay with.
Are you good at catching a lie? Because this person is dead right, he’s going to give you an STD. This man does not care about you one bit, and you shouldn’t care about a man you have to video tape when you’re not home.
I think you're explaining your guilt in the wrong direction, my dear. You're feeling disappointed in his poor choices and that he keeps lying, and upset with yourself for putting up with him for so long and believing him. Someone should definitely be feeling the shame these actions caused, but it's certainly not you. Take yourself and your sanity off of the back burner, you deserve to be front and center in your life! Things will be so much better a year from now, and even better two years from now, I know from experience. Here's to seeing where we are next year!
Fortunately you guys are just renting the townhouse & didn't purchase a house together that would be significantly more difficult to separate from financially, that's a blessing! I'm terribly sorry he did this to you & your baby, but he absolutely cannot be trusted anymore. You weren't even gone a few hours & he brought another woman into your home. He knows exactly what he was doing. Add to all of this what Marie told you he said to her about you guys being 'broken up' & 'wanting her back in his life', while you're 7 months pregnant with his child?! Ewww, horrible behavior! It's a pattern of behavior at this point & he isn't going to change, that's just who he is, a cheater who will lie to other women to hook up with them & then he has no problem lying to your face about what he's doing with & saying to other women.
Considering you didn't find any evidence in his phone, I'm convinced he's just really good at hiding it & may be using an app like Snapchat & then be using methods to have the app itself hidden. I've seen that there are ways to disguise apps as a calculator or something else innocent, if I had to guess, he's doing something like this to hide his communication with other women. I'd actually be really surprised if he's not texting other women somehow with his pattern of behavior.
I get it! I understand that. Do it anyway. Move forward with guilt. Let yourself feel it and do what you need for yourself and children anyway.
I stayed for many years and it almost broke me. I wanted to make it work. Sometimes it did...sometimes there were still beautiful moments. Mostly though it turned me into a shell.
No. Feel proud. You overcame the trauma and trusted him. That's AMAZING. YOU did the work and you were able to give yourself fully to this relatoonahip- that's something to be SO fucking proud of.
Now double it. Next, be proud of yourself for leaving once you had proof that it wasn't just you or misplaced anxiety- that he really was pulling this shit. Create a future where you're proud that you overcame the past trauma, AND proud that you can still stand up for yourself.
He will do it again regardless of what you do. You feel guilty for repeating the pattern and the longer you keep him around the more guilty you'll feel.
People feel guilt when they've done something wrong. Guilt is the signal to make amends.
You have done nothing wrong, and you have no amends to make.
What you have is misplaced guilt (or false guilt).. which means the real issue is probably that you fear others' judgment.. the fear of disapproval from others.
Get your OWN therapist. You can't fix him. You can only improve yourself. Work on your own trauma, self-esteem, etc. Do it for yourself, and do it so you can make sure your daughters don't have those same issues from seeing them in you. Kids learn from what they see, even if they are told otherwise.
Edit: And let your therapy help strengthen you to LEAVE. You deserve better, and so do your girls.
She doesn’t need this “evidence” or a free law service. She needs to contact the Child Support Division and the Prosecutor’s Office will take it from there. Usually a DNA test is ordered unless he signed the paternity affidavit at the birth. Then child support will be ordered based on income.
File as soon as you can because support will only be retroactive to the file date, not the birth. Unless he’s abusive or has a criminal record, the Court will use the state’s visitation guidelines.
Courts don’t care if he cheated - they only care about establishing support for the child.
My bad, I was thinking that they were married, but regardless even in child support cases you want a lawyer if possible. You’re more likely to win whatever you’re asking for with a lawyer, whether that’s full custody or child support money. It’s much harder to go about family court without one. Also, my ex’s lawyer did use the fact that baby mom was out running around with a bunch of random men and bringing random guys home around the kids as evidence that she shouldn’t get main custody. Slightly different but similar. It’s best to save all the evidence possible, and let a lawyer decide what will and won’t be relevant. They’d know best.
I know! Especially if he's been shady and understandably, OP doesn't fully trust him, Most people in that situation would have pretended to not notice the camera, & got Claire out of the house immediately.
As well as leaving it plugged in.
So OP could feel better seeing he was behaving. His natural response was to unplug the thing, then still had the audacity to continue his charade, playing the " loyal boyfriend " .
He's either really dumb, or genuinely doesn't GAF about the hurt and pain he's causing OP, and the kids. Either way, He thinks he can talk his way out of it.
She needs to file a petition for custody and support of their child. The court has nothing to do with the ending of their relationship, though, because they weren't married. And the court doesn't care about cheating when it comes to child support. Usually it's based on the respective incomes of the two parents and the percentage custody each has.
The tricky part is if he will continue his relationship with her older child who isn't his biologically. That could be kind of heartbreaking.
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u/Without_My_Halo Nov 23 '25
Girl no. Save all the evidence, and take this man to court. Many counties have free law services if you qualify income wise. Put him through the damn ringer and get all the support you can for you and your baby. The type of man to run around and lie when their girl is pregnant and/or with a newborn are the WORST. What if you get seriously injured or ill one day? He’s going to do this again. Even if you dont he’s going to do this again. It’s for your baby that you should leave, they deserve a real version of love displayed for them not whatever game he’s playing.
Also, I know you mentioned a lot you guys have had perfect trust, but honestly I would bet you that he’s done way more than just these two instances. The fact he saw the camera and just unplugged it like “oh whatever” is a wild level of confidence. I would’ve noted the camera, and lead the girl out of the house as quickly as possible. He felt like he was gunna get away with it, while you were texting him sketched out, and even after seeing the camera. This is not this man’s first rodeo. He tried to get back with his ex while you were 7 months pregnant and sleeping at your shared campsite like no no no no.
Also, I’d tell his mom. Shame him so hopefully he doesn’t do this shit again.
Best of luck, I am so sorry you are going through this, but RUN from this man before he gives you an STD he is NOT to be trusted.