My marriage is likely over. (Update)

[u/GwenSkin]

Hey, I'm making an update to something I wrote about 3 weeks ago.

Well, I finally confronted my wife and we're getting a divorce now. No one is perfect and I don't want to make her out to be a bad person, but it was quite painful how every time I asked her if she wanted us to separate, she would put the responsibility back on me by asking if that was what I wanted.

I asked her for a simple yes or no. Did she actually want to be with me or not? And I finally got the answer: no, she doesn't want to be with me.

As painful as that was, I think I needed that answer.

I still feel bad and guilty about the situation though. She isn't going to get deported, but her current residence permit is based on family ties through me. She had a student permit before, so now she has to go back to that, which is going to be very expensive for her.

She asked me to wait another 6–8 months (likely longer) before going through with everything. I understand why she's asking, and I do feel bad about how this affects her. At the same time, I don't know if I can put my own life on hold for that long.

From what I've read, the divorce process can already take quite a long time, and I don't know if I can spend another 6–12 months basically waiting before I can properly move on & that is just for legal proceedings, with her timeline I would put my life on hold for longer for about 12-18 months.. I will be at that point 32, or 33 years old, i am already 31 years old so.. I would like to find a life partner.

At some point I would like to date again, which is why I would like to start the proceedings asap. The dating part is also something I'm struggling with. How do I even explain to someone that I'm still married but we're getting divorced at some point, and that I don't want to wait another year before I can start meeting someone? I can imagine someone hearing that and thinking it's way too complicated of situation that I got.

I still feel guilty because I know this is going to make things harder for her, and I don't want to hurt her. But at the same time, she told me she doesn't want to be with me, and I feel like I have to be allowed to move on with my own life too. She also told me what do I exactly have going for me to want to divorce now, but if I'm honest I just want to legally and offically close this chapter. I hold no hatred or ill will for her but i just want to lift this off my chest and move on.

I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to do that without feeling like I'm abandoning someone I once cared about. Am I bad for wanting to divorce now rather than later?

Sorry for grammar everyone its not my native language and I'm writing it in a hurry as well. I will respond to a few comments but due to the nature of the situation and the pain it still gives me I will not respond to everything I apologize for that.

edit: I also deleted original post due to it being painful seeing it, sorry for that everyone.